I could smell “Important guests” all over my place as soon as I stepped in. All the staff was gathered in different rooms to make everything look tidy, as I was getting closer to the kitchen, all kind of flavors were invading the living and dining room.

- Hello there… you actually made it earlier …She told me between two spoons of tasting sessions as she was giving directions in the battlefield.

- Hi…I answered still trying to process what was going on. I usually see this level of activity in Chuseok… - what’s going on? Is the president having dinner at our place? I asked half joking and frowned as I saw the cook goggle at my words while my grandmother let a small laugh.

- Well kind of…come over here I’m not sure if this is ‘me’ spicy or regular spicy…she shove the spoon in front of me so I could open my mouth.

- Hum…that’s ‘you’ spicy…

- Oh damn it …let’s add more water on the soup…she asked the cook. The latter rolled her eyes as he probably had warned her on the spice level three thousand times. Her level of tolerance was unfortunately way to high comparing to the Korean regular one which had made always my grandfather and I fear her “I’m gonna make dinner tonight” phases…fortunately for us she was too busy enough to cook dinner once every two months. Tonight didn’t really count as they were guest involved and they were synonym of perfection. Everything had to be perfect.

- Halmeoni…what’s going on, who’s coming? I asked and the quick looks few persons exchanged in the kitchen didn’t go unnoticed by me. She paused her working session and looked at me.

- The only thing you need to know is that this is dinner is extremely important to your grandfather, to me and …to you as well… she calmly said with that wise voice of hers. There was no point of wasting energy asking “why” “how” and “what” would be "important" to me, as there wouldn’t be any answer to my questions except for my frustration to grow. I didn’t need that.

- Is there anything I could help you with?

- Yes there is something you can do… get ready! I had called your hairdresser and his make-up artist, while they’re on their way you can go shower…no need to stress about what to wear I’ve already had chosen your outfit and NO NEED to discuss it either…I’m sure you’re gonna love it anyway…she stated very confident between two pinch of salt. I stood there for a few seconds before nodding an ok and proceeding towards my room. ‘I really think the president is coming……I didn’t vote for her…’

♦

- So what did you do?

- I threw his stuff on the garbage and told him to get the out of my place if he wanted to take time to ‘reflect’ on our relationship… I don’t see why I shall pay for his rent, food and clothes while he does that…

- Oh my god Oppa I’m sorry to hear that… I thought it was serious this time…how long has it been? I asked really concerned about my hairdresser’s love life but slightly scared about my hair as he was more and more getting angry evocating his boyfriend commitment phobia.

- 1 year… 1 ing year together…1 year in gay couple means 3 years in an hetero life… and he freaked out because I asked to visit his family…I mean I’m the Korean here…I’m the one who’s supposed to be scared of these type of reunions… he’s French … you know Paris have more gays than… of course you know… anyway who the he thinks he’s fooling with “my parent are not accepting my homouality’ !

- Ouch…ouch Oppa…my hair… I begged as he was pulling a lock trying to get the light curls I wanted to have.

- Sorry darling…  you know how emotive I get when it comes to boyfriends problems…

- I know… don’t worry about it…

- You don’t know how lucky you are to be a …well and to be rich as well…you don’t have to go through all that to find the right person, some woman see you at a wedding and here you go settled and happy…

- Excuse me? What is that suppose to mean…? I saw his face go from red to green to yellow…

- Nothing…just…this is what happened right…I mean how it’ll happen anyway…you know what I mean…

- Do you know something Oppa? He took a deep breath and put his hand in his forehead just like the day Sunny had decided to color her hair in pink during a trip in Tokyo and had changed her mind three days later.

- Darling… it doesn’t make any difference…it’s only about an hour before you get to know exactly what’s going on…there’s no point for me to tell you scrap of what I heard during these past days while I was hair styling this city’s foxes…

- Ok…thank you…now I definitely feel less pressured thanks to you…

- Darling … you look amazing… it’s been a pleasure to see you as usual… He said in a rush packing his tools faster than Sue when math class finished during high school. My hair was done, so was my makeup by a make-up artist that I’ve never seen before and that have left as soon as she was done. She was weird. I opened the cover suspended by hanger on my dressing room door where I assumed my outfit would be; only to discover what appeared to be a strapless and knee length dress: in white. Of course, it had to be white. I took the piece out and checked the tag that belonged to Roland Mouret as I predicted. One of my grandmother’s favorite designers. The wool-crepe dress was cut with very flattering folds and a beautiful curved neckline meant to accentuate shoulders and décolletage. I looked at myself as I wore it and a  verystrange feeling slowly invaded me. I saw a little more than my usual self in the mirror, I saw a little bit of someone else, someone I wasn’t. Someone I didn’t think I could be.

- You look amazing…I heard her saying breaking the strange vision I was having. She had changed into a very elegant royal blue jacquard dress.

- Thank you…I hesitantly answered. I was close I could feel it...the danger. It frightened me that it took out the strength of expressing anything with words. She kept on contemplating me for a few seconds. I let her do. 

- They’re going to be there in few minutes, make sure to come down when I call you… she finally said after her silent.

- I will… I replied almost instantly, and as she was leaving I felt like stopping her. Halmeoni…

- Yes?

- I … I just…

- You what?

- I love you. She smiled at me and stood there for few more seconds before going back downstairs. I avoided looking at my disturbing reflection for the rest of the time I had left to put light and discreet gold accessories such a bracelet, hollow earrings and few rings that would match the Aquazzura gold leather sandals. I started pacing around and thought of Sunny’s breathing exercises she had learn from her dance classes that were meant to get control over stressing situations and that’s exactly what I needed. It wasn’t really helping unfortunately. My hands started to shiver, I had these small cramps starting to form into my stomach and my legs that were already struggling to find balance on the top of the heels were shaking. I needed to talk to someone.

- Yes? She replied before it even rang once almost as she was waiting for my call.

- I … I’m freaking out…

- Who’s there?

- I don’t know yet… I was just asked to get ready…I…I

- You what?

- I look like a …like a ing bride…I managed to whisper as I dared to look at myself.

- Calm down…ok…we’re not there yet…nothing has been said yet…

- ‘Yet’…as you said ‘yet’…see…my thoughts do not even seem crazy to you anymore…Hana-ya…what’s gonna happen to me…am I… am I getting-

- Shut up and listen to me… you’re panicking which I totally get but there’s just no point of panicking now ok? You have to be strong now and deal with whatever is waiting for you there and once we figure it out…Once we figure what it’s all about then you’ll have the right to panic…at that time I’ll be by your side, all of us will be…we’ll go trough this together ok, together…

- Ok…you’re right…I know you’re right, I need to be smart here…but promise me as long as I haven’t figured this out do not let the girls know about it…I need to make sure what I’m dealing with here…

- Exactly…that’s what I want you to do…find out what you're dealing with… just breath in breath out… you can do it…

- Thank you…

- Shut up…text me if anything…I…I love you… She hung up instantly probably embarrassed by her corny moment; she never says, “I love you”. 

- Agassi, I heard the butler say by my door. - Your guests have arrived.

- Neh…I’ll be there in a minute… I closed my eyes and opened them in front of that same reflection that I’ve now acknowledged, accepted. I took a deep breath and focused on all the inner power that I could gather. I opened my door and proceeded towards the stairs that lead to the entrance where the guests were already standing. I stopped halfway as the vision I had in front of me was too bad to be true. I felt like crying, screaming my anger, running away finding a hole within the earth and burring myself there forever but I didn’t, I couldn’t. Probably because they were all looking at me, including him. The devil was standing at my door, he had made his way to my own home and beside his presence itself I was disturbed by the look he was addressing me. That stare bore something more that the anger or confusion the situation was implying, something I couldn’t get, at least not for the moment. I had to focus on the few steps that were left and that I had to walk until there, until them, until... him.