In my pink tee and grey pants I have the legs rolled up one time to show the platform grey sneakers I wear. Now, why am I wearing platform sneakers when my feet want some rest from height? One answer: Maria. When Maria saw my outfit in the morning she got delighted, mostly because I actually use the pink tee that she and Yong Hyun had forced upon me in Las Vegas to buy, and she would not let me go to wear normal sneakers as she had the perfect platform sneakers to complete my outfit. For me, what really complete my outfit are the big sunglasses that hide the tiredness leaking out all over me. I have removed my makeup while my hair is still looking styled from last night, and when we are at the airport I feel my head is heavy and my feet do not want to lift. I do not like the huge cameras taking our pictures at the airport, everyone ready for SM Town’s artists to come through during the day. “Regret not sleeping?” Emelia is teasing next to me. “I said you should sleep in the van,” Maria tells me and I sigh. I did try to sleep when Emelia told me to in the morning, but I couldn’t fall asleep. “I’ll pinch you on the flight when I see you close your eyes,” Emelia jokes. With a whine I hold out my hand to pinch her arm lightly and Emelia laughs loudly, turning towards me to pinch me back. “Ladies,” Manager Lim sighs and holds out his hand to grab Emelia’s arm when she is about to pinch me again. I smile down at the ground. Emelia nudges me playfully with her arm when Manager Lim lets go of her, but he touches both our arms to make us stop. In response, Maria wraps her arm around me to put some distance between me and Emelia, which makes us laugh and Maria’s grip of my shoulders is really tight. I think I am embarrassed for how tired I am. I could stop walking and start dancing right here at the airport to keep my body awake, Maria’s grip is holding me back all until we have gone through security and we got a few minutes left before the gates will open. I pretend I am practicing; the others are sitting down while I am imagining one of our songs’s playing in my head so I dance lightly to it, just to be moving. “You’re supposed to be the tired one,” Carolina tells me with a frown. “She is overly tired,” Emelia says. “Ah…” I laugh at Carolina’s way to nod and say ‘ah…’, and then we are told the gates are opening. No one disturbs my sleep on the flight, I sleep from when we take off to when we are about to land, and it is really comfortable sleeping on the flight. I have a habit of sleeping on the flight though; I can manage to sleep well there. The ride to the arena is crowded. I had forgotten how it is travelling with 5 Pieces I think because I am taken aback at the crowded airport with men and women, children and teenagers, all want a picture of us or touch us, giving the security a really hard time, and the ride to the arena where the concert will be held, we are followed by cars and whatnot with fans leaning out windows screaming after us. Or I am just newly woken, staring out the windows as if someone will break the window and reach in to eat us up based on the screaming from the other cars. “Maybe it was some time since we went here…” Julia is speculating, also a bit taken back by the welcome we are receiving. She looks behind us. “It’s easy to see where they are… they even got banners hanging out their windows. That one reads ‘5 Pieces 4 Life’.” “Ha,” Maria says, just out of the blue. I wait for her to say something more, but it seems like all she had to say was ‘ha’. The arena in Taiwan is large, suited for SM Town, and while we aren’t the first ones to arrive among our juniors and seniors we are neither the last. A few of our friends haven’t arrived yet but that doesn’t mean there is nothing to do when we find our dressing-room and settle down; we double check what songs to perform and how the whole set list for the concert tomorrow will be like, and we got clothes to try on as our stylists arrived before us. Whenever I get the chance, I close my eyes, if even for a few seconds I would close them and it would feel like heaven. I am extra tired knowing my solo promotions are coming to an end, as if I am ending a big chapter though I know another big chapter is coming up around the corner. “Waaaaddup yo weirdos!” Maria’s voice is heard loudly in the hall outside the dressing-room, and just hearing her making up this gangster-tone makes me smile. I look to be sleeping, but with a smile at her voice. “That’s the weirdo,” Yong Hyun says, fixing a dress for our [POWER UP] performance, sewing and being a God among needles. “She speaks like that without even knowing what she says.” We can hear her outside in the corridor; “Yo motha wanna kiss ya so nice!” Laughter fills the corridor and the room at her words and I glance over at the door hearing the laughter outside. EXO is here, it is easy to hear on the laughter. “Poor boys, having to face our lovely gangster-princess,” Yong Hyun sighs, probably also hearing who has arrived. I don’t know if he is talking to himself though, to me, or to someone else in the room, mostly because no one is responding to him so it is tricky to know. By our stylist’s words I imagine Maria hugging our friends in EXO and patting their butts, pinching Chanyeol’s probably and complimenting his long legs – it would be typical her. “And here comes my pretty boys! Waddup sweetie pie, give me a hug!” Maria is cheering and I am laughing in the sofa with the others in the room. Just listening to her is fun. “Have you been drinking?” That voice does not belong to an EXO member. I stare at Yong Hyun, the laughter and voices in the corridor continues and I look behind my stylist at the curtains used to change clothes behind. SHINee is here, meaning Jonghyun is here, meaning they will walk right by this room and probably greet those inside. I am not prepared to see him. Taemin’s voice is heard and I get out of the sofa right away, almost stumbling over a pair of shoes I had tried on before, I walk behind the curtain, pretending I am doing something but no one asks and all I really do is listening to what is going on outside the room. “Hello!” Onew greets by the door. Our stylists and Carolina greets him back, asking how he has been and asking questions. I sigh quietly, wishing they could stop talking and move on. Hearing the voices outside are loud but I still make out Jonghyun’s voice when he stands next to Onew greeting those in this room. Onew keep talking, and I wonder if Jonghyun has left after greeting because I can’t hear him. “Where are the other ladies?” Jonghyun asks. I close my eyes tightly at the sound of his voice, almost as if I am terrified he will find me behind this curtain. “You met the gangster outside here,” Yong Hyun chuckles, “Julia and Emelia; I think they went to check the stage or something.” “They probably got lost,” Onew jokes, and an imaginary image of Julia and Emelia looking around for a familiar and loud corridor enters my mind. “I’ll see you later.” I lean towards the wall to see Yong Hyun beyond the curtain, seeing him sit on his chair and look over at the door nodding to those by the door leaving. Is he gone, has Jonghyun left? “She is not in here,” my stylist smiles warmly. I don’t know what that smile says, but I know who he says it to. “I wasn’t-” Jonghyun starts to say but he cuts himself off and mumbles the same words before I hear him call out for Onew to wait for him. Yong Hyun looks over at me, his eyebrows raised. “Mhm?“ he asks me. It means ‘what was that’. I shrug my shoulder, hesitate and then I peek out from the curtain. No one is by the door. My stylist covered for me, and I see Carolina look confused seeing me. “If you were there, but Oppa said she is not, then who did Jonghyun look for?” She does not get it. I sigh and take my seat again, only hearing Jonghyun’s voice mumbling ‘I wasn’t-’ and ‘where are the other ladies?’ He didn’t see me in the room, which was why he asked. Then Yong Hyun didn’t say where I was, did he stay wondering? Is he as nervous as me to meet each other again? I don’t know how to act around him, I don’t think I can meet him without having this hunger to cry and wrap my arms around him, hold on to him and never let him go. I am not ready to see him. “Hey,” Yong Hyun holds out his hand but before he can touch me I flinch and stare at him. He looks troubled and I grimace in a try to smile, realising I don’t know how to smile. “Hannah, let’s go talk. Come.” He waves his hand for me to come along, and I do when he gets up on his feet. I walk with him, stepping outside and walking a different direction than where the crowd of friends is gathered. Key and Minho are both there, loudly chatting with Maria, and then Taemin is further away with some EXO members, Chanyeol and Chen are by Maria too. I am led by Yong Hyun to another corridor, he smiles to some staff members and I lower my head to them. “In here, love,” he stands by a door to let me walk in first. It is a large room, filled with suitcases, it is an equipment room. I take a step to the side to lean against the wall. “No, no, no, come here,” Yong Hyun says and takes my arm, lightly directing me to sit down on one of the large suitcases. The door is still open when he sits down next to me. “Tell me what’s going on in that strange head of yours.” “Nothing-” “Nothing my , now I may not be one of our ladies but I have experience with break-ups and whatever it is your going through, but I need to know what you’re dealing with first, lady. I got your back, remember?” Our stylist is a wonderful friend, and I have leaned on him many times with questions about Jonghyun (mostly about Jonghyun, as I haven’t been in other relationships) and while I know my ladies mean well, all I have heard from them is; “we’ll make you forget him with drinking and new hot guys”. “I don’t know if I can meet him,” I whisper, still doubting the open door. “Ah … And?” he asks in a way for me to continue. I shrug my shoulder. “You haven’t talked to him in a while haven’t you?” I shake my head. “Not since his promotions ended.” I am not looking at my stylist but I see him take a deep breathe. I guess it is not a good thing. I haven’t talked to Jonghyun in a month, is that true? Instead of starting to cry, I lean my head against his shoulder. “I miss him.” “I know, I know,” Yong Hyun sighs, wrapping his arms around me. “It’s difficult, I know that, trust me, my love, it is not easy no matter what people says. I know what you’re going through…” He stops talking and I look up with a pout. Emelia is standing by the door. “Are we having this talk again?” she asks us. I sit up straight, sighing tiredly and Yong Hyun sighs too. “Not again, darling, we are having a new conversation where I tell you about when my lovely boyfriend ran away from me,” he says and gets into a story-telling mood. Emelia comes inside. “I’d love to hear that. I have been walking around for twenty minutes, completely lost with Julia on all the floors, until a Taiwanese staff member found us.” Onew was right about the two ladies, they had actually gotten lost. I don’t know why but our family here at SM Town all knows one thing: 5 Pieces get lost all too often. Yong Hyun starts telling us a story, of when he and his boyfriend had been fighting so much that his boyfriend decided to leave. He tells it dramatically, telling us what had been said and “I love to exaggerate, so I told him to run away if he couldn’t handle it, and he did”. When he comes to the end of the story, of how this was years ago and they decided to break up in the end, I honestly do not understand what the point in the story is, all I know is that I will have to meet Jonghyun soon, because this is SM Town, you can’t just avoid seeing someone. After the dramatic story telling of his break-up, Yong Hyun puts both his arms around me and asks if I know what he means. “Oppa, honestly,” Emelia mutters, “Not even I understand what you mean. And I’m the smart one.” Thanks for that. “I’m going back,” I whisper and stand up, letting Yong Hyun take his arms back. “Thanks for the try though.” “It didn’t work?” Yong Hyun asks with a pout. Emelia rolls her eyes. “She is tired. When Hannah is tired, she gets depressed whatever you tell her,” Emelia says and I leave the room to get away from the lecture. “And when she is overly tired, she gets crazy.” “I’m depressed then,” I say as she follows me, saying the last sentence more to me than to Yong Hyun who comes with her. “It’s okay to be depressed,” Emelia says and jumps over to me, her arm hitting the back of my head when she puts her arm around me. “To a certain level, it is okay. What level are you on?” “The tired and I-don’t-want-to-do-anything level,” I mumble. “Eh-eh,” she chuckles, smiling brightly at me. She is trying to cheer me up. I tell her to not do it, but Yong Hyun pokes me on my back and I whine. I do not like this. I turn around to see him about to do it again and push Emelia away to lean my back against the wall, I whine at them to stop. They both look like they have a plan to keep poking me, and I smile seeing their expressions. “There it is!” Yong Hyun cheers and Emelia is chuckling again, both of them making me laugh. “I hate you both,” I tell them, pushing Emelia’s hand away when I keep walking. “I love you too, darling,” Yong Hyun says. I turn to him with a laugh. They are probably feeling good about themselves for making me laugh, but it is only for a few steps before my smile fades away. There he is, standing down the corridor by a door that maybe leads to SHINee’s outfits that yet hasn’t been tried on. And he is looking right at me. Man, he looks gorgeous. Dressed in black, from jeans to shirt with white details, zip-up sweater and a cap, even his sunglasses are black, and he looks hot. His face; from lips to jaw line, are gorgeous to see standing out a bit more than usually in that dark outfit. I don’t really know that I bow lightly to greet him, not able to say a word but my feet fasten to walk past him. The awkwardness of glancing at him is painful, mostly because he doesn’t react at all, he just follows me with his eyes and he doesn’t even respond to Emelia who says something to him. We leave, and when we are out of sight Emelia breathes out. “Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” she says with a voice