Valentines Day is a day filled with love, romance, couples, roses and affection. My Valentine is not a boyfriend who showers me with sweet text messages and chocolate hidden in my room with a romantic note attached to it; my Valentine for 2015 is a club of people dedicated to make me laugh and cry at the same time; since early morning they shower me with sweet words and encouragements, they send lunch to my whole crew and fills my dressing-room with bouquets of roses that makes even Amber jealous. “Can I take one?” “No!” I laugh and I take back the bouquet Amber pretended to sneak out of the room with. She laughs too. “It’s incredible though, why so many roses?” I shrug my shoulder and I say I don’t know why, though I think my fans know I love roses and today is the best excuse to shower me with roses. I love it and my room has the most flowery scent. Julia isn’t with me today, my crew is around and though [New Me] was pre-recorded last night, I have a special stage prepared for today so we are waiting for that. Amber has visited my room, we have sat down chatting for a bit but when she is about to leave she ends up staying another ten minutes. We take a picture too, the roses in the background, and we make an instagram video too because Amber is hilarious and I think she really want a rose from me, so after we have fooled around I pick a pretty rose out for her. {Instagram, 5P_HANNAH: My room is glorious today thanks to Puzzle, and I have the beautiful Amber coming over to steal my roses… MINE!! Kkkk, thank you! Happy Valentine’s everyone and don’t miss my performance + special stage on Music Core today!} Dressed in ivory I am wearing a lightweight sheer stretchy crochet sweater poncho with a drawstring waistband and a plunge v-neckline, distressed skinny jeans with destroyed tears at each knee, and instead of high heels I am actually wearing pretty sneakers with a light insole inside to make my legs a bit prettier. For accessories I am wearing a fringe collar in copper; bead accents sit on a metal chain collar with fringe details, and it works perfectly with the ivory outfit, and it is the only accessory I am wearing. Other than Amber, I don’t really chat with anyone else backstage so when she has left I take my time going through the songs we will perform at the valentine concert after Music Core, and of course the special performance I have prepared for the day’s Music Core. Today I am performing a special stage of [Only My (Fight)], as the agency wants me to perform more songs from the album than [New Me] and [BLAME] because all songs on the album are extremely high on the music charts. At the concert afterwards I am performing a total of six songs, the two favourite songs, [Butterfly] and three others from the album. It will be fun. I am excited to perform other songs from the album as I haven’t done it beside from at the concert in Busan. After yesterday, I know I need to get my act together. I cried when I won on Music Bank and as soon as the encore had ended I stayed on the stage for a few extra minutes talking to my fans because they were surprisingly worried for why I cried when my songs are doing so well. I had to explain that I had been certain [BLAME] would take the win; I was a bit taken back. Maybe that’s why my room is filled with roses today, to let me relax. It does make me relax, the scent of roses is overwhelming for the senses in the room and many of the people in my crew are sleeping. I watch the rehearsal video of [Only My (Fight)] that my manager had filmed for me; I am watching the choreography and practicing by myself. I won’t be performing the whole song but the performance will be over a minute long of me singing and dancing, mostly focused on dancing as it is supposed to be an artistic dance performance. Only me and two male dancers, mostly me, and somehow I look forward to it. I like the song, I like the choreography, and I hope it will look as good as it does in my mind. “What about the chocolate?” Myung asks from a chair near me, gathering my attention by waving a chocolate bar for me. “What about it?” I ask since it is me he asks. “Are you going to eat it?” By his question I find myself look at Manager Lee sitting on a different chair, his eyes on his phone as he has started to play a game against some of the others. Myung follows my direction and his smile grows as he knows what I mean. I smile back at him at my silent answer, but just in that moment Manager Lee looks over at us, probably spotting the chocolate in Myung’s hand. “Hannah is not eating that,” he points out and looks back at the game when Ri Bae laughs out that she is winning. “Oh, come on! Play fair here!” As soon as my manager’s focus is on the game again, Myung throws the chocolate bar in my lap. I laugh at it. I love chocolate and roses, so Valentine’s Day should be my favourite day of the year, but I am not allowed to eat chocolate because that is hard for the body to burn away. When I look back at my manager, he is glancing at me, and it is fun to see him try to play the game but his eyes glances up all the time just to see what I will do with that chocolate bar. If my ladies had been here we would’ve even make up a plan, it would’ve become the funniest hour to sneak away as much chocolate as possible without any manager noticing, but with just me and the crew I simply hide the chocolate bar behind my back. I want to eat it but for now I’m not. As soon as the game ends – Manager Lee looses – he comes over to me and holds out his hand. “Seriously?” I ask him with a smile, giving him the chocolate bar. “Yes, seriously,” Manager Lee answers. “I can take it,” Myung chuckles to my manager. “You’ll just give it to her,” Manager Lee smiles and gives Myung a high five instead, walking away with the chocolate bar. “Ji Young Oppa said he will start going to the gym,” I say to Myung, leaning forward to tap his leg so he knows it is him I am talking to. Manager Lee just laughs at my words though. “Since he is eating up all my chocolate, he will have to go at least five times a week.” “Ha!” he forces out a sound while Myung is laughing at my joke, “As if I would have time to do that when I barely have time to sleep.” I grimace as he puts it on me. I don’t have time to be at the gym either, so I don’t say he is using me as an excuse. Manager Lee looks at me, holding on to the chocolate bar. “Do you want a bite?” he asks me. My answer is laughter. Myung is looking up at Manager Lee with a huge smile, he looks comfortable sitting in that chair, handsome too. I have to ask him if he has called the girl whose number he received recently. “You can get one bite and only one bite,” Manager Lee tells me. Chocolate… “Deal,” I say and fly up from my seat, making them laugh at the sudden eagerness I have by the thought of getting to eat chocolate. It’s usually not a big deal to eat chocolate, I can take a bite and that’s enough though I rather stay away from eating chocolate because it is so delicious that I usually want a second bite. Manager Lee unwrap the chocolate bar and holds it out for me. I take one bite and lean my back against the makeup table, holding a hand over my mouth as I can’t stop smiling because Myung turns around in his chair to look at me. “Are you happy?” he asks at my expression and I laugh at how silly I am. A little bite of chocolate is not the reason I am smiling, it is the most delicious flavour I get in my mouth and I don’t bite on the chocolate instead I am letting it melt in my mouth to save the flavour, the reason I am smiling is because Myung is looking at me as if this is the highlight of the day – me getting a bite of chocolate. I watch my manager put down the rest of the chocolate bar on the table, turning his attention to the game that the female dancers have taken over because he is apparently not that good. My eyes go back to the chocolate. Maybe just one more bite… I glance at my manager as the chocolate in my mouth has melted away, my cravings are coming. Maybe I just want to try taking one because Manager Lee won’t let me; maybe I just really, really, really love chocolate and with the thought of getting another bite … it’s a lovely thought. Manager Lee isn’t looking, he is bending forward to see the game, his back towards the table, and I think I can sneak by heading towards the door and simply take it. As soon as I start moving, Manager Lee glances my way and I fasten my steps instead of stepping back. He is two meters on my left, the table is exactly to my right, and I just slow my steps a bit to pick up the chocolate bite, hearing Myung laugh as I walk by the table. “HANNAH!” I start laughing at my manager catching me and turning around, I put the chocolate in my mouth, seeing Manager Lee come over to me with his hand held out. What, he wants me to spit it out? I almost do spit it out, from laughing, and I am backing out of the room as he takes a hold of my arm, in a warning voice saying my name. Outside the room, Jonghyun is suddenly next to me, as if he was about to walk by, and I cover my mouth with a laugh. “What did you do?” he asks, all too used to seeing my manager like this. “It’s just chocolate,” I say behind my hand. Manager Lee takes down his hand with a deep sigh. Jonghyun smiles, a dreamy smile like always and I know it is – like always – something silly he just heard me say. “I’ll give you chocolate,” he tells me, “I got some in my room.” “No, no, no, no,” Manager Lee says in the most exhausted way, yet I am thrilled having Jonghyun put his hand on my back. “Hannah…” “We’re going to talk,” Jonghyun says as an excuse though my manager has heard everything. “We’re just going to talk,” I repeat to my manager, following Jonghyun on his joke, and I leave my manager there to head off with Jonghyun. As soon as we walk inside Jonghyun’s dressing-room, I lean my head back with a laugh. “What did you really do?” Jonghyun asks me, frowning. “I took a piece of chocolate,” I answer and his face-expression makes me just laugh. The two of us are obviously weird, but I’m happy we are friends. “He is silly about food, my manager.” Jonghyun raises his eyes at me. “You seriously ran out of your room because of chocolate?” Without thinking I reach my tongue out at him, and then I glance at his stylists in the corner who are smiling at me. “If you go to my room, I’ll give you some chocolate, since I’m not allowed to eat it,” I tell them. Jonghyun points at a table. “I got some here if you want.” “Oh!” I don’t get excited because he has chocolate, I get excited because Jonghyun has received hand-made chocolate from his fans and like I was with my own chocolate, I am excited to see the shapes and how it has been wrapped. Jonghyun shows off the chocolate for me, one by one, and though he says I can eat some, I don’t. I have my own chocolate and I know his fans have worked hard on this – I don’t think they would want me to eat it. I do end up staying with Jonghyun until my manager comes to get me, and no matter how much I say I did not eat any chocolate, he doesn’t believe me. Back in my room we get ready for the performance. “Myung Oppa,” I say when putting on my shoes. “Have you called that girl yet?” He smiles, glancing over at the others while picking up the phone from his pocket. “I texted her.” “Not good,” Shiwon is fast to in. “You’re supposed to call the first time, showing you are interested for more.” I smile at his teasing. Only Shiwon and Ming are performing with me for [Only My (Fight)], two tall and handsome guys, but I have had most of the dancers backstage with me today as we have been slightly practicing for the concert later and they have basically just wanted free food and a place to chill and hang out. I don’t mind as my room backstage fits us all. Shiwon and Ming are both in grey pants and a nice white shirt that I really like. Myung shows me the conversation with the girl, and I join Shiwon with curling up my fingers at how awkward the texting seems. “He doesn’t take advice from me,” Shiwon comments. “Why would I?” Myung glares at him. “You’re over thirty and haven’t had a relationship lasting for more than two years.” “It’s more than what you have had,” Shiwon says and I laugh at the way he raises his eyebrows at Myung as if he is flirting with him. They are too cute. “You two should go out instead,” I dare to say just to start laughing when Myung takes back his phone and Shiwon pretends he is going to kick me. I pretend to kick him back. “But I didn’t get it; are you meeting her again?” “Well… yeah…” Myung says with hesitation and he looks at Shiwon who is fast to back away. “Don’t look at me! Your girl there, it’s yours,” Shiwon says with his hands up. Stylist Sung Hyo helps me out with the microphone set; I’m not holding a microphone in hand today as I will be busy dancing, I rarely wear headset microphones anymore, I don’t think I prefer that one. “She is going to the movies tonight, with her girlfriends,” Myung tells me, “So… maybe another day. Hannah, what do you prefer as a first date; dinner, movie, lunch, brunch, a mysterious breakfast-” “Mysterious?” Manager Lee interrupts. “What’s that even supposed to mean; a mysterious breakfast?” Myung points at Shiwon. “His idea.” Only Min Na and stylist Chae Hwan in the room are younger than me in the crew, so it is completely weird to have these older people talk about dating the same way me and my ladies talk about it. How come we are surrounded by such inexperienced people? While Shiwon and Manager Lee are heard talking about movies and mysterious breakfast scenes, Myung asks me again what a first date should be about. “I don’t know,” I answer with a pout, shrugging my shoulder. He is desperate, while I don’t really care. I never dated Jonghyun, and the only person I have met other than him is Honggi and the two of us weren’t really going out either but we usually ate pizza together. “What about you then, Nuna?” Myung asks and looks at stylist Sung Hyo standing next to me. I give her a glance and see her surprise to be given the question. “For a first date, dinner is the usual one,” she simply answers. I smile as she doesn’t seem as interested in this as everyone else. Manager Lee laughs loudly at something Shiwon says. “What date would women prefer then?” Myung asks, sounding very desperate. “You should look it up,” I laugh at him, and then I smile at Sung Hyo and thank her for the help with the microphone. We got to go perform now. The stylists and Manager Lee come along as we start walking to the stage. “Have you seen the girl Myung is talking to?” Shiwon asks when coming up next to me. “She is super pretty, and short, very petite. I watched her SNS page, and she seems to be too quiet for Myung, in my opinion. He needs an outspoken girl, you kn