‘Hannah Seen Rushing Through Korea & Japan For Schedules During Tuesday’, the headline for an article reads on Tuesday evening. I have arrived in Japan, I covered myself in a mask when I was at the airport for two reasons; I felt sick and in hope no one would recognize me but people recognized me as there are pictures in the article of me going to Japan. I saw the article before our dance practice, reading comments asking if I am preparing to release something in Japan but then it says the other members have been spotted in Japan as well so they figure out 5 Pieces is preparing for something, others comment that I look tired and wish me to take care of my health. In the practice room, 5 Pieces is gathered again in one room, to practice for the Japanese version of [Girls Power]. “Oppa took everything back to Seoul,” Maria tells me as we are talking about her New York trip while stretching for practice. She says she did a lot of shopping and even received gifts from the fashion shows she attended, saying she has presents for each member but that stylist Yong Hyun brought it all to Seoul with him. “You will like what I got for you, baby, it’s really pretty.” Maria knows how to make me worry. I am worried for what she has got for me; I am worried it will be something I don’t like, that I won’t ever wear it. Not that I think of that for long. Once practice starts, I go into other thoughts. It isn’t much of the song and choreography on my mind, instead I think of what I have to tell my members. About the weekend, that I told Kyungho about me and Jonghyun, that even if I have texted him he writes back that he doesn’t want to talk to me because he feels betrayed. I want to talk to my members, and I want to talk to them about Jonghyun. “Focus, ladies!” the Japanese teacher calls out and I smile seeing Julia being the one messing up. The choreography for [Girls Power] isn’t changed much for the Japanese version; maybe that is what makes it so complicated. I really dislike translating a song from one language to another, with different lyrics and different choreography, things become messy and it is easy to confuse the two versions. We practice until we can film a decent practice video for it that we will check at the music video filming. It is quick as in two days we will film the music videos. The agency suddenly pressed the video filming in on Thursday and Friday when knowing M Countdown and Music Bank won’t air this week because of the holidays. I am coughing and I am tired, but when practice ends us girls get together to chat as we haven’t done that in a while. We stay up talking for hours, each one of us get to talk and we open up our hearts the way we always do. I love it. I love spending time with the ladies, that even if we go from serious conversations to telling jokes, I feel happy being with them. I guess it’s been a few weeks since we all met like this, and promoting the album suddenly makes me feel lonely. I love promoting the album on my own and at the same time I miss my members a lot. Emelia says its because I don’t have Jonghyun to turn to I am probably lonelier than how I would be, but the moment Jonghyun’s name is mentioned when we talk about 5 Pieces, the ladies laugh at my way to turn the deaf ear. Jonghyun has nothing to do with me feeling lonely, it has absolutely nothing to do with that – I don’t believe my own words as I realise Emelia is right. Manager Lee comes knocking on the door after midnight, sighing since he expects me to be asleep to rest with my cold and exhaustion. In the morning we all head back to Seoul. I enjoy the flight back with the ladies, we are a bit silly around each other and I hide under a mask again because of my cold. All through Wednesday I am working. I have some fan-signings and a performance at Show Champion, and though I don’t have a headache today I am tired and the coughing won’t stop, making it hard to work even if I receive medicine. My voice is unhappy with me too, I’m not hoarse but my voice is tired so during the fan-signing after Show Champion my fans seem a bit worried so I tell them I will rest my voice. When I come home Maria has left a note on my door wanting me to wake her up when I come home. I feel tired but after washing up I head upstairs, Tiger follows me to Maria’s room and after knowing I step inside. It’s not that late yet but Maria is deeply asleep. it must be from travelling, and since she is so deeply in sleep I don’t wake her up. I go to bed too. Emelia isn’t here, Milo isn’t here either so I guess she is either in the other house or out with the dog, making it as quiet as it has been for the past week. As soon as I have lied down in my bed I start coughing. I twist and turn but whatever position I’m in I won’t stop coughing. I end up piling my pillows to sit up, and with a grimace I look at Tiger who can’t relax with me moving this much. My chest hurts from coughing, and in the end I fall asleep sitting up. It’s uncomfortable and I don’t sleep for long before I wake up. I cough until my chest hurts again; I go get something to drink before I go to bed again. Once morning comes I wake up with my chest hurting, but the worst part is my sore throat. My voice has had enough of me. I sit in the sofa hugging on to Tiger while Emelia is boiling eggs for breakfast. “It’s a good thing you don’t have to sing today then,” Emelia jokes with me. It’s Thursday – we will spend the day filming the video for [Girls Power] – and since it is early in the morning we are waiting for our manager to come pick us up. We will go in two teams; I am going to the saloon now in the morning to dye my hair, Emelia will dye her roots too while the other three went to the saloon yesterday so they will go filming first. Emelia and I eat breakfast on our own before we head to the saloon with our two managers. “Have you seen what Maria brought with her from NY?” Emelia ask me in the van. I shake my head. I have heard about the clothes and accessories Maria got from NY, from designers wanting 5 Pieces to wear their designs. “She got me a jacket,” Emelia say, “It’s a cool and a comfy jacket. I’ll show you later. Anyway, she brought tons of nice things and Maria wants us all gathered to pick out the things ourselves, so … yeah, be prepared for that.” “Really nice things?” I ask in a hoarse voice. I plan on being as quiet as possible today because my throat hurts every time I speak. “It was nice,” she nods to assure me Maria will not give us strange things – I am always insecure about fashion, you never know what people find as fashionable. While Emelia keeps her light blonde colour, all the way down to her hip (her hair has always been long, now she has let it grown even longer), I dye by chestnut brown hair to a dark red shade, and we add on some hair extensions too. I sleep while getting my hair done. Though I’m sick I feel at ease knowing I will spend these two days with the ladies, and when arriving on set I know I will not be bored for a second. We are doing solo takes first, which is why we could arrive later than the others and still not be late for our turn. It is for the Japanese promotional video being filmed in Seoul, the staff has flown in from Japan though so we do speak Japanese on set. It is the same concept as we had for last year’s music video; dressed in leather, I have lipstick matching the colour of my hair, we have chairs in the choreography and the set looks like a club where we perform though it does different from the Korean version. As soon as we arrived there was a camera on us, filming the making of the video and when Emelia greeted the camera in Japanese, I did the same walking behind her. Waiting for my turn to film, I sit down on the side of the set and drift into sleep again, still tired, and each time I drift into sleep I wake up from coughing. Coughing again, I look around to make sure I haven’t been asleep for an hour, but things look the same as when I closed my eyes; beside from the camera-woman stepping up to me. I have heard her interview Emelia and Carolina. “Are you tired?” she asks me in Japanese. “Just a little,” I answer and force a smile at her. I stretch my arms out a bit. “I have caught a cold, so I am a little tired.” “Hannah is working hard in Korea for your solo album, right? You’re not tired from that?” the woman asks me. I nod at her first question. “I am promoting in Korea right now, yes, but … I don’t think I am tired from that.” “I asked Emelia if she stays updated on your promotions. What do you think she answered?” “Um…” I say and look behind her at Emelia who is preparing for her filming. “Emelia, you say?” “Yes, Emelia.” “She watches my performances,” I answer and look at the Japanese woman, “The ladies are um… how do you say it? They monitor me, monitor my performances, and give me feedback. It’s my first solo album and they have helped me a lot.” “How does it feel to be back with a Japanese single?” “I’m excited,” is the first thing I say and I smile at her, holding back a laugh to instead clear my throat to not cough. “It is our 8th single in Japan… and it is a song we had fun promoting last year with our Korean album, it is exciting.” “Did I interrupt your sleep?” she suddenly asks and I laugh, then I cough while shaking my hand to say she didn’t interrupt me. When she leaves I close my eyes again, sitting with a blanket over me, and I just want to stay here until the day is over. I can’t do that since soon it is my turn to film and I have three people making sure I look alright for the camera. While I film, I have Maria and Julia stand on the side, and out of nowhere Maria calls out that I look y, making me laugh followed by coughing so Maria raises her hand apologizing in Japanese for everyone. “What is she doing?” I ask the staff in Japanese when I am done filming, pointing over at Maria who has been annoying me the whole time. “Hannah, you’re y~” Maria repeats and since I am done filming I hurry over to cover with a laugh. “Our baby!” I laugh loudly at her outburst and the staff laughs. “Now you’re just cute,” Maria tells me when wrapping her arms around me. I smile and put my arms around her too, not knowing why she is acting so weird. Turns out it’s just the beginning. The ladies have decided to make me the target for today’s filming, while doing the groups hot they keep saying my name or singing my song, they tease me constantly and I think I am the chosen one because I am currently doing solo promotions. Carolina is usually our target because she is fun to tease; turns out it’s my turn this time. While we do the dance part, the director calls out ‘cut’, we all stop and right away I hear Carolina say, “Hannah-chan”. “Hannah-chan, Hannah-chan,” Julia repeats and I lean over my chair with a helpless laugh. “What are you doing?” I ask them when Carolina whispers my name. They say my name in a Japanese way because we are filming for the Japanese video. “Hannah-chan,” Emelia turns around to look at me too and I give out a whine. “Whaaaat?” I ask. “Hannah-chan is cute,” Emelia says and we all laugh at her cute way to say it. “Hannah-chan is y,” Maria adds on and this time I whine because they fill it out. Maria gives the staff a laugh when singing and dancing a bit to [New Me]. “Please stop!” I whine at my ladies. “Yes, yes, we’ll stop,” Emelia answers and leans over to pat my shoulder. “We’ll stop now, Hannah-chan.” I laugh out of frustration and I raise my hand since I want to hit her, but I don’t hit her. They only stop when we start filming, and when the music is stopped I rush over to Carolina to lightly hit her arm as she whispers my name again. The day has gone by quickly, it is already late in the evening when we wrap up the first day and it is also the first time I look at my phone. During the day I have texted with Kyungho, but that’s just a little and it is the only thing I have done on the phone, meaning I am not updated on what is going on. Headline: ‘SHINee’s Jonghyun Hint On Being Single At Radio?’ Followed by: ‘Did SHINee’s Jonghyun & 5 Pieces’ Hannah Break Up?’ In the van heading home we read the two articles. Yesterday at radio, Jonghyun had responded to a fan’s love story, somehow saying something about being single and that has lead to fans saying “he gave us a hint”, following it with “did they break up?” There really isn’t anything there, just speculations and questions. No one has contacted me, not SM Entertainment or Jonghyun, making me wonder if they even know about the articles or if they find it useless. I wonder if Jonghyun has talked to the agency yet, if that could be why they aren’t responding to the articles. Our managers’ suggestion is to let it be for now, to let the agency handle things if it comes to that. I don’t think Jonghyun has talked to the agency because someone would’ve contacted me by now, to tell me how we’ll do things because obviously we have to tell our fans. Why haven’t Jonghyun told me about the articles? He should know about it, and he always tells me… Getting out of the van, 5 Pieces as loud as usually about what to do now – Maria wants us all to gather and look through the things she has brought from New York – I realise it is not the ladies I feel lonely being without. Even when I’m with them now, I feel lonely, and Jonghyun is the reason. I haven’t talked with him all week and last time we met, at Inkigayo, things were weird with Kyungho. Jonghyun’s promotions has ended now, I won’t get to see him. Should I text him, ask