I walk down the last steps of the stairs watching the water splash around in the bottle I am holding, and when reaching the floor I walk after my manager to the corridor to see a camera-woman stepping away with her camera focused on filming me. “Good morning,” I greet her lightly and bite my lip as I walk past her. My smile is awkward when I have passed her as I hear her follow behind us, and I wonder what she possibly could be filming because my outfit isn’t very outstandingly interesting; I am wearing sweatpants and a hooded zip-up sweater, along to slippers. We walk inside the main part of the cold warehouse; the location of the music video filming where the staff is preparing the set and cameras and light and details needed for the simple video to be made, and I walk over to take a seat next to the director on the side. “We are starting with this one,” the director starts saying after I have taken my seat. He is pointing at some sketches and the lyrics and I am nodding. He was at the meeting yesterday, doing the last planning for today, so I do hope our thoughts of how the video will end up looking like are the same. Manager Lee is standing next to me while we are talking about the first scene of the music video for [Bittersweet]. My first release in one and a half years! I went to the gym yesterday in the evening to be prepared for today, and now in the morning I have gotten ready with light makeup that looks natural, my long chestnut brown hair with extensions from MAMA is styled in simple waves and I am wearing a black hoodie to a pair of white sweatpants with outworn details on the legs and black hem at the top of the pants. I don’t wear any accessories other than a pair of earrings in black stainless steel as a cut out butterfly stud. They are small and pretty, but with the whole outfit they won’t really be noticed, and since my hair is hanging down I am pretty sure they won’t be seen in the video. My nails are in a beige matte colour, something we fixed this morning and my ring finger nails on both hands are in silver. The set of [Bittersweet] is so simple that all we need is a long wall in brown; the staff had actually been painting paper on the wall in brown and white, to make it the light brown colour we wanted it to be. The first scene is a close-up of me lip-synching to the song, the camera capturing me from my shoulders and up and it is pretty much my job to express the lyrics I am singing in the ballad without really moving my body. We do several takes of the same thing, the producer walks up next to me with this tablet to let me see what we just filmed and I admit I’m the one asking to do it an extra time when he is satisfied. When we will pull down the zipper to my hoodie I am laughing to the staff, covering myself without pulling down the zipper. “Wait a minute!” I tell them and hurry to the side to Manager Lee before I sit down on a blanket and the staff starts laughing as I begin doing sit-ups. I am smiling while doing them, but my muscles are working so it is probably good anyway. I do it quickly before stretching my upper body on the way back in front of the camera where stylist Yong Hyun is waiting for me. I spot the camera-woman when Yong Hyun pulls down my zipper and with a bright smile I start waving at her with a peace-sign. The woman is filming for my concert DVD or what it now will be; a documentary about the making of my album and behind the scenes for my promotions and concert. This woman and some of the filming crew had been coming along at the studio a few times when we weren’t filming by ourselves with a camera I had gotten to borrow. I still bring it with me, not using it that often but the agency has told me to film a lot – whether it is in private or during promotions with 5 Pieces or when practicing for my solo. It gets chilly on my stomach when Yong Hyun fixes the sweater and I feel embarrassed for wearing a sports bra underneath it. It is covering, for sure, but I am revealing my stomach when the zipper isn’t pulled up and that’s why I had to do some sit-ups though it probably doesn’t make much of a difference. The cross back sport bra in black is actually cool, I was the one pointing it out to have because of the cross back details that we will have seen later when I take off the hoodie. “It’s okay?” I embarrassedly ask Yong Hyun and when he looks up at me I smile. “Very y,” he answers and then quickly adds; “It’s very natural.” By natural he means it doesn’t seem like I am trying to show off, which was very important when we were working on how the music video would be like and what to wear. The reason we decided to wear this is because male artists can wear sweatpants and being topless and people love it while as soon as a girl shows a little skin she is given bad names and is told she is showing off. This is a ballad that is not ual or in any way throughout the music video will show uality in any way, therefore the clothing is simple and makeup natural. We will focus on the music in the video, on the emotion. I’m not skinny, my stomach doesn’t have this super trimmed abs but I do have abs that you don’t have to search for to find, I’m not overweight either. My stylist love that I’m not skinny but still have abs, while Maria is the skinny one with a flat stomach (without abs). Being skinny has nothing to do with abs, like a lot of people think. Kicking off the slippers on my feet, I get barefoot and right away I slightly start thinking this whole concept on outfits is a mistake. “It’s cold in here,” I grimace and shake a foot above the floor. The floor is colder than the air. Yong Hyun puts on the hood and pulls up the zipper for me. “Let’s hurry up then so you can get dressed,” the director says and tells everyone we will be starting. Camera rolling and the music begins in a faster version, and I start lip-synching to the fast song; taking a step back as I stand a little on the side from the camera. The director tells me to the hoodie and I do, making sure to not make mistakes in the lip-synching and I lower my head when removing the hood from my head, just as we have practiced and I start turning away from the camera while taking the hoodie down my shoulders. I take it off and drop it down on the floor, walking away to the side and not stopping my steps until the director calls out. I hurry back to take the hoodie around me and the director waves me over to him for us to look it through. I get my slippers and Yong Hyun puts a warm winter jacket around me (he is wearing it when I’m feeling so it won’t be cold between the takes when I get to wear it). It’s not that cold to wear a winter jacket indoors, but a lot of the staff are wearing jackets and for me who isn’t as much dressed as them I am deeply thankful for having this warm jacket put around me between the takes – whether it is for a few seconds or for some longer minutes. “Look at this here. There is no need to slow your movements because we will slow it down here when playing it correctly,” the director is explaining for me and I am nodding while looking at what we filmed, monitoring to know how to stand and move during the filming. They speed up the music for this part so in the video my movements will be slower while my lips more correctly to the music. I love the outcome of it, how we can play with the track and video to make a cool music video; it is probably my favourite part of the video because of the trick behind it. I get up on my feet again to redo the same part, giving Yong Hyun my jacket and putting my slippers on the side while Yong Hyun helps fixing my look and hair/makeup artist No Chae Hwan – a nineteen-years-old girl who is working with 5 Pieces for the first time through my solo promotions. She seems as nervous as me today; her first official day on the field. I don’t really know her but she has warm hands; most people have cold hands, it’s nice to have someone handle my face and hair with warm hands for a change. The filming is interesting and I keep smiling whenever I can (not when the camera is rolling though as it is a sad break-up ballad) but the cold is making me a bit crazy and I end up standing there, dancing to whatever song comes to my mind. All to keep my body warm. During one short break I walk up to the making-of camera-woman, moving my arms back and forth with the zipped pulled up this time. “The music video takes twice the time to make,” I inform the camera more than the woman. “Why is that?” she asks me. “Because we have two versions of it; one in Korean, and one in Japanese,” I answer. For each Japanese scene I have filmed I have taken sneak peaks on the lyric sheet to not make mistakes in the lip-synching for the Japanese version. It’s confusing to go back and forth but it’s fun. “Are you cold?” the woman asks me and I giggle automatically; I have gone a little bit crazy feeling cold. “Yes. It’s a bit cold,” I admit, nodding. “But that’s okay because the video will look good, so it’s worth it.” I smile at her again before saying I have to go back when hearing someone call my name. Carolina comes a while after lunch, bringing a big smile and anxiousness with her and she starts babbling about nothing when I comment that she is pretty. Carolina is wearing a maxi skirt in gray and a white t-shirt under the dark blue hoodie; when she begins filming her part in to the video her bare feet are not visible but she looks sad and emotional once I have been shaking my head in disapproval of the first three takes. If anyone understands the need to redo things, it is Carolina; the queen of perfection, and she just babbles on while being given directives of how to be on camera. Since the rest of us have been filming for half the day already, Carolina has jumped in when the rest of us have gotten comfortable in the mood and set, and she seems too anxious to relax. While Carolina is filming I am sitting on the side, after some takes I have started to smile instead of standing closely on the side being ready to give advice and my thought, as I now am sitting there and letting Carolina and the director do their job. After working together during the day I have come to the conclusion that the director has the same vision as me of how the music video will come out, so I let him direct my friend. Carolina is a great singer, she can sing passionately and emotionally; but once she is acting emotional in front of the camera I just want to laugh or leave the place. It’s good to have a director who knows how to direct. Her part ends and the stylist come up to me to fix my makeup. I am smiling and holding out my hand when Carolina steps up to us. “How did I do?” Carolina asks, looking like her feet are a bit cold though she now has put on her slippers. “I think you did very well,” I answer with a big smile. She laughs a bit; it’s too obvious that she is not relaxed. Carolina can’t stop looking around. “Are you nervous?” “Ah, you can see that?” Carolina chuckles with a shaky voice and she rubs her hands together, glancing at me. “I am a little bit nervous, and a little bit… anxious, for some strange reason. It is probably because I really like this song and we will surprise fans with a great duet together and I really think our fans will love this – 5 Pieces’ Cool and Cooler makes the best duo opening of 2015. And did I mention that the song sounds surprisingly good in Japanese too?” Carolina has a brilliant brain for language but among all languages she has been learning online, Japanese is not one of them. I am surprised how easily she has to learn new words in a completely different language while she doesn’t really focus on learning Japanese at all, though a lot of promotions are in Japan. She know some basic Japanese and I have noticed she does not fascinate the beauty of the language the same way others of us do, how she thinks singing a ballad in Korean sounds more beautiful to the ears than in Japanese. I don’t mean that Korean isn’t beautiful; I mean that Japanese has a different melody to its language. My favourite scene with Carolina is when we are both sitting by the wall; she at one side of the camera screen and me on the other side. We are both just sitting there, looking miserably but with the music and for the video it will look great. Truth is that we don’t do it together, we film each part separately but or the video it will be put together. I sat down by the wall, my knees put up for me to wrap my arms around them and I lowered my head to hide. Though Carolina doesn’t have a big feature in the song we are indeed a matching duo on set and on screen. It takes the whole day to finish the music video, as we are using the one simple set the staff created in the morning for the whole video. During the shoot we have had the making-of camera and a photographer taking pictures during the shoot; for the pictures taken we actually get to look through most of them. “Thank you!” I call out with a polite bow when the director has announced that the final scene of the music video filming is complete. I am smiling and clapping my hands while looking around at the staff. “Thank you for your hard work today.” I bow again and Carolina takes my hand to bow with me. I shake her hand happily and clap my free hand against my wrist when standing straight, the staff applauding too as to congratulate each other for a day’s of great work. Walking off the set I am in jacket, slippers and I have Tiger in my arms as I now am allowed to carry her (she has been on the set all day, I have played with her and patted her but I haven’t been allowed to hold her because it could ruin my clothes). I can’t wait to dress warmly (hide my tummy) and rub my eyes without thinking of the makeup. The camera-woman filming the making-of steps up in front of me. “The first music video is complete,” I cheer at her before quickly turning to the side to bow and thank the staff there for their hard work today. “How do you feel?” the woman asks me, smiling back and I know I must feel like a fool. My steps slow down as I realise she is looking for a brief interview now when the music video is done. We still have the jacket shoot in the morning, but when I talked to the woman earlier she said they will not film any making-of there. “I feel…” I start to say and my forehead frowns a bit before my smile overtakes it. “Extremely satisfied, with what we have filmed, and I think the music video will turn o