17-
Letting You Go
You were slightly puzzled when you woke up in Junhyung’s arms before you blushed hard as the memory of the events that took place came flooding back to you. Oppa loves me too. You were all giggles on the inside but on the outside, you just smiled contentedly. You gazed at Junhyung’s face and only just managed to resist the urge to use your fingers to trace this features. He always looked so cool when he was awake but when he was asleep, he looked so peaceful and calm, and yet so perfect. I’ve missed you so much. You snuggled closer into Junhyung’s chest.
Just when you were about to fall back asleep, you suddenly remembered that you never actually got around to finishing your assignment. Your eyes flew open immediately. You carefully lifted Junhyung’s hand and got out of bed as quietly as you could before grabbing a fresh set of clothes and heading to the bathroom to wash up.
Thankfully, you still had about an hour to spare before you had to leave the house for school so you quickly started working on the rest of your assignment. You lifted your hands up in the air and stretched when you were finally done with your assignment. All of a sudden, the bedroom door flew open to reveal a panic-stricken Junhyung. He had put his pants back on but was still shirtless. “How did I end up here? What did I do while I was drunk? Why wasn’t I wearing anything when I woke?” He directed the questions at you after he saw you looking back at him while sitting at the table.
“Umm… I found you sleeping at my front door last night so I dragged you in? As for why you were … d-do you really not remember?” You blushed really hard and looked away.
He took in your reaction and things started to fall into place in his head. “Oh no. Please don’t tell me we…” He pointed to you and at himself a few times. He didn’t want to say it out loud but knew that you would understand what he was implying. When you didn’t deny anything, he covered his face with one hand. “Oh goodness. This isn’t happening.” He disappeared back into the bedroom and when he appeared again, he was fully dressed.
You had turned back around when he went back into the room and was now staring at your hands in your lap. You didn’t know what to feel. This wasn’t the reaction you were expecting from him. He sat on the floor beside you but made sure that there was plenty of space between the both of you. “Look-“ He began. “Last night was a mistake so let’s just forget about this ok?” He pleaded.
“But you said that you loved me.” You said in a small voice.
He let out a heavy sigh and you could sense that his patience was wearing thin. “I got into an argument with one of my band members yesterday and apparently, drank more than I should have. I don’t remember when I stopped drinking or how I managed to leave the place. I don’t even remember how I ended up here. What do you want me to say?” He asked, not even a hint of guilt in his voice.
“Can’t you give us a chance?” You gulped and looked at him for the first time since he sat down.
He lost his control at that. “What ‘us’? There is no ‘us’. There never was. Why do you always have to complicate and mess things up for me?” He yelled.
You really wanted to respond, to at least say something to defend yourself, but you were so shocked and hurt by his words that you couldn’t say anything.
“Anyway, I need to go. They are probably wondering where I am.” He stood up and left.
Your eyes followed him. There was nothing you could do but sit there helplessly as you watched him walk out of your life again. You couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him where he stayed now or how he was doing or even to say a simple “see you soon”. Not after what he had just said to you, especially not after that. You still stared after him though even if you know that he wouldn’t look back. You watched as the door slammed shut and then something clicked in your mind. You realised what he had meant when he said that there was no ‘us’. There was no love. You had mistaken drunken lust for love. It was your fault.
You felt your heart shatter.
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