Thickness of the air, it’s suffocating, especially if you’re in an enclosed room. That’s what Chaerin had been feeling ever since she stepped in f(x)’s dorm. That’s why when she found a way to escape, she quickly grabbed it. She’s currently in NB club with Amber. While she’s drinking beer, Amber just sat beside her, staring straight at her.

“Do I have some dirt in my face?” she teasingly asked but Amber just shook her head and smiled at Chaerin. This woman was Kris’ true love. His dream came true. The woman he would marry. The rightful Mrs. Wu.

“How much do you love him?” Amber suddenly asked which made Chaerin choked on her drink. Amber immediately patted her back. “Sorry, unnie,” Amber apologized and even ‘peace sign’ at her.

“That completely caught me off guard,” Chaerin said while Amber just grinned and shrugged her shoulders. “Him? How much? So much that I would die for him,” Chaerin seriously answered, staring at her glass. She sadly smiled and averted her stare from the glass to Amber. “That’s how much I love Kris Wu.”

“Then fight for him. He is yours to begin with anyway,” Amber said with determination on her eyes. “China is just a plane away,” she added. Actually, Amber would have board a plane the moment she learned that Kris went back to China. But her company was ostracizing them away from Kris. She heard from some of her SoNyuShiDae unnies that SM usually did that whenever an artist left the company.

“How could I? He chose SNSD Jessica over 2NE1’s CL,” Chaerin said and sarcastically laughed. It hurt so much she would rather add wounds on her wrists than think about the whys that would never be answered.

“As far as I know, he loves his faith. So the truth is his heart belongs to Lee Chaerin and not to Jung Sooyeon,” Amber said while a smile grazed her face. She knew that Kris really love Chaerin. Maybe he was just confused because he spent a lot of time with Jessica.

“Don’t flatter me. The whole world knows that he left because of Jessica,” Chaerin said and gulped her drink bottoms up. She cringed when it strikes . It was so bitter. Just like her.

“It’s not even confirmed yet. Only Kris-oppa knows the real reason,” Amber contradicted. She really would never believe that Kris would leave just because of a petty reason. That Jessica Jung was certainly not a valid reason.

“Yeah. Only him knows the answer. The answers to the questions on my head. Why did he left? What’s between him and Jessica? Why did he go back to China? Why did he leave me hanging? Does he still love me?” Chaerin emotionally said. She inhaled deeply to stop her tears. Everyone thought that she was strong. Despite Kris abrupt leaving, she never displayed weakness in front of everyone. If only they knew. All those midnight crying on the restroom. Those suicidal attempts. They never knew that she was going crazy thinking about it.

“Then ask him. As I said, he is just a plane away unnie. Grab the chance, before it’s too late. Because you’ll never know if the answers would make you live or die,” Amber encouraged her. Before Chaerin could answer, they saw Kim Minseok coming their way. Their party pooper oppa had arrived.

Chaerin woke up feeling like her head was being hammered to pieces. She grumbly got off the bed and went straight to the restroom. She washed her face and looked at the mirror. That woman in the mirror's reflection didn’t even come close to the CL that blackjacks idolized. Her eyes were puffy. There were dark bags under her eyes. And even her skin looked a bit pale. In short, Lee Chaerin looked tired and depressed. She splashed some water on her face, closing her eyes and trying to think of happy thoughts.

HAPPY THOUGHTS. 2NE1. Their unbreakable bond. Eating session with Park Bom. Dance lessons from the dance goddess, Gong Minji. K-drama marathon with Sandara Park. She involuntarily smiled while remembering the years they'd been together. Indeed happy thoughts. Then her mind drifted off to EXO. Their dorkiness and innocence. Huang ZiTao’s frustration in trying to teach Chaerin wushu. Lu Han’s Chinese lessons. Oh Sehun’s way of talking. Park Chanyeol’s constant questions about Dara. Make-up sessions with Byun Baekhyun which totally consist of trying varieties of eyeliners. Kim JoonMyeon’s shyness. Movie marathon with Do Kyungsoo. Zhang Yixing’s forgetfulness. Singing lessons with Chen Jongdae. Walking around with Kim Jongin and his dogs. Another eating session with Kim Minseok. And. . . Kris. The dragon. EXO-M leader. Wu Yifan. His conceited ways. His coldness at times. His dorkiness. His ‘that’s-not-my-style’ which constantly annoyed Chaerin. His love for their dear Rilakkuma and his ace.

She didn’t even notice that she was already griping the sink so hard. She opened her eyes. Even through her blurry vision, she noticed her wounds. The scars on her wrists. A constant reminder that Kevin Wu, leader of EXO-M left her all alone, without even a goodbye. Fxxk. She didn’t know what’s going on in her head but she wanted to add cuts on her wrist that would eventually scar. With trembling hands, she grabbed the Gillette blade from the medicine cabinet above the mirror. She slowly positioned it on her left wrist. But just as she was about to pierce it on her skin, a hand stopped her. When she looked up, she saw a very determined and angry woman.

“Yah Lee Chaerin! I know you’re depressed and all but stop being this suicidal!” she shouted which Chaerin guessed attract attention from her other members because Bom and Minzy came rushing in the restroom.

Minzy’s eyes widen when she saw the blade. She carefully and urgently grabbed it away from Chaerin. “Unnie, please. Stop this. Stop hurting yourself,” she said while tearing up. The