Yesterday I met up with J to commiserate our break-ups over Krug and Maribelles. I, having called off my engagement to Siwon. J, broke up with Bobby, for the second time.

Today, I'm holed up at home, still in bed, on a bright Sunday afternoon. I feel so enervated. And ashamed. I feel guilty towards Siwon. To have stringed him along for so many years. He was devastated when I finally sum up the courage to break the news to him. And I even cheated on him! Though I did not confessed that to him. That would have been the last straw. I was such a bad fiancée. I am a bad person!

As penance, I've not responded to any of Yixing's messages or calls, even though I really want to. I'm no longer with Siwon. But it's unseemly if I run into another man's arms right away! Besides, Yixing may have contributed to my breakup, but that doesn't mean I have chosen him over Siwon. Yixing's more of a fling really. A one-night stand. I can never contemplate a future with that philanderer, no matter how charming he is. But if I'll be honest, my mind says no to Yixing, but body screams yes. My body does miss him. By quite a fair bit.

"Miss Bo, you need to get out of bed. You been lying in bed since last evening, after you came back. Since 5pm! Really very unhealthy. You must get exercise, young miss! Very bad for you. Whole day in bed. Not mobile" admonishes Dorota, my maid.

"Just leave me be, Dorota! I'm miserable and I deserve it! So I intend to wallow in my misery!"

"No, no. You go exercise! Gives you some happy energy! Get some morphins, yes?"

"Endorphins, Dorota." Though morphine doesn't sound like such a bad idea now. Anything to numb this misery!

"No, no. Ma'am order me to make sure you no stay in bed all day. I carry you to the pool myself if I have to! You get out of bed now and change! Gym! Or swim! Or yoga? Or we can walk to the park together? Feed the ducks at the pond?"

"Ugh! Fine, fine, I'll get up. Just stop yapping already, alright?"

***

I've just swam a few laps in our private saltwater pool. I do feel much better now. The water and swim refreshes me. I kinda feel guilty that I'm enjoying myself now though. Enjoying this leisurely swim. When Siwon is probably holed up in bed too? Wallowing in misery too? Because of me? Ugh! He doesn't deserve this! Afterall, he's only been a sweet, devoted fiancé. How could I have broke his heart? 

But it was the right thing to do. For me. Yixing was right. I cannot envision being Mrs Choi and Siwon being my husband for eternity. It's just not a happy future. Somewhere down that line, I'll most definitely snap! So breaking off the engagement was a right decision. It was the right decision for my future happiness. Just not necessarily the right move for everyone involved. Other parties get hurt. Siwon, the Chois, my parents. Sigh, it was a selfish decision for merely my own happiness. I guess I am a afterall. A selfish .

"Miss Bo, your friend here to visit you!" Dorota happily chirps as she pops her head into the pool room.

"Handsome visitor bring beautiful flowers!" Dorota continues.

"Thanks, Dorota! I'll take it from here!" announces Yixing as he suddenly pops into the room! What's he doing here?!

Dorota leaves immediately and Yixing wolf whistles, "Good day y!" Gosh, he looks so good today. Did he especially dress differently for me today? He's actually not wearing black for once! But ripped jeans and a white muscle tee. So effortless. But so hot. He's undeniably y, channeling rebel boy/James Dean vibe. Ugh! Not is not the time to start ogling Yixing! Not yet anyway!

"Yixing! How do you know where I live?"

"J mentioned previously that you live on the entire penthouse level of The Waldorf. And anything J tells me about you, Bo, I always pay particular interest..." He starting to flirt again! This is not the time! Go away!

"Yixing, I really don't think you should be here. This is not the right time now."

"Right time for what? Not the right time to console and cheer a friend up? I believe this is the perfect time? Though I'm glad you are swimming and not cooped up in bed as I had worried that you might be?"

"I don't deserve consolation. I did a bad thing. I should be punished, not rewarded with flowers alright? Just leave me be, ok? I deserve this!"

"Stop being so melodramatic, Bo! Theatre Slam is long over! Besides, have you forgotten what I told you? You deserve happiness! You made the right move. Stop beating yourself up about it!"

"But I did a disservice to Siwon! He doesn't deserve this! I broke his heart! I was a bad fiancée to him."

"Well, the way I see it. You being honest to your own feelings is the greatest favor you could have done for your relationship. Had you gone ahead with the engagement and eventually the wedding, you'll only be trapping yourself in a loveless marriage. And eventually Siwon will be able to feel it too and would be miserable for it. He would be more devastated if he found out your heart was not in it after years of sham marriage. That would have been most unkind to him! But now, you've freed both of you from this sham of a relationship and now you are both free to pursue your true loves and your true happiness! Siwon may be miserable now, but in time he'll recover and then he too can find his true happiness and someone who truly loves him! Think about it!"

I deliberate. I guess Yixing does have a point? Curses! Why am I taking relationship advice from a player that's never been in a decent relationship? Though he does make everything sound so logical though! Who is Yixing really? Beneath his player facade, does he have a thoughtful, sensitive interior? I'm thoroughly confused.

"Quiet, Bo? I see you are contemplating what I've said? Hopefully you agree? So let's get you out of this sad state shall we? What cheers you?"

"No! I need to wallow and mourn for at least...49 days! That's right, I should dignify our relationship by mourning its demise properly, for at least 49 days. Give it a proper send-off!"

"49 what? Seriously Bo, you really are a drama queen!" Yixing laughs.

"Just leave me be ok? Thanks for the flowers, but please leave now!"

But Yixing remains rooted at his spot and he looks at me intently and deliberates.

"Nah, it's a pretty hot day out there. I would much rather join you in the pool instead. Besides... I've always wanted to skinny dip in a private pool!"

***

next chapter: Wet (p.s. It's ty;)