Sorry to disappoint you my faithful followers. But it seems like an uneventful week at E.P. Everything is as status quo. J is still with Bobby. Nothing newsy on Queen B and her Royal either, ever since they've finally done the deed. And even the ever reliable Worker Bee flings have dwindled. Don Juan has gone monk on us.

E.P. is offically dullsville!

XOXO Gossip Girl

***

"Babe, do you see it? What should I do?" Siwon asks anguished.

"What am I looking at Oppa?" I ask Siwon worriedly.

"My body is not symmetrical! My right pec is more pert than my left pec! See!" He jabs at his left pec agitatedly. What in God's name!

"You look fine, baby! I don't see what you are talking about" I reply uninterested. 

"No, babe! I'm longer have the perfect bod! I'm...ugly!"

"Siwon, you are and will forever be the hottest guy to walk the halls of E.P.! Uneven pecs or not. Also I love you all the same. Again, uneven pecs or not."

"No! Symmetry is the perfection of beauty! I'm ruined! Must be my tennis sessions! I overworked my right hand and right side of my body and neglected my left side, so the right side is more pumped. Man, I gotta play more backhand moves..." Groan... For the umpteenth time this week, Siwon is jabbering about something...mindless. I try to block out his voice while I concentrate on re-reading my Simone Beauvoir novel.

Eversince that darn Yixing made that "Siwon is dumb as a rock" comment, Siwon has been making more imbecile comments than usual. It's not news to me that Siwon is not the brightest kid on the block, but he has been tolerable for the many years we've been together. But somehow lately, he's sounding more and more... himbo-like!

Just last night he was trying to convince me to allow him to have sans , saying how it'll be much more pleasureable for both of us. I argue against it because of risk of pregnancy and he actually suggested that I ride him because in his words, "if you go top of me babe, that'll solve the problem! Cause gravity yeah? My boys can't travel upwards and you won't get seeded!" My God!

Then mid-, he tries to arouse me by telling me how he is by me and when he got really erect, he said, "babe, I'm so hard for you now, my has gone rigor mortis"! Talk about a mood killer! 

***

I needed to get away from Siwon's mindless blabber about his nonexistent body flaws, so I escape to the art museum for a viewing of Titian collection that they have recently loaned for a special exhibit. Siwon will never dream of accompanying me to museums of any sort, save maybe the sports museum?

Ah...peace at last! Nothing better than a serene afternoon of fine art! Immerse myself in pleasing aesthetics and the tranquility of the museum space. 

Oh look! Titian's Danaë. Let's see...which one is this again? I glance down and flip through my Titian brochure as I walk over towards the painting.

"Ditch the brochure, Ciao Bella!" A very familiar voice whispers in my ear as he snatches away the brochure from under my nose.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in shock as I look up to see Yixing grinning at me. My gaze linger on his dimpled smile.

"I'm taking a break from waiting for you to call me back. I've been so priestly, keeping it in my pants. Gossip Girl called me a monk! And it's all because of you, Bo! Surely I deserve some appreciation, or at least a buzz from you?  " he fakes a sad puppy look. Curses! Why does he look so adorable doing that?

"Ugh, scram! I've intention to call you whatsoever."

"So you still sticking out with that rock? You know that pretty dumb rock?"

"Don't you dare namecall my fiancé!"

"Well, actually I was referring to the actual ring itself. But I guess deep down you can't deny that association with your not-too-bright fiancé as well huh? So where is he?"

"You! He's not here. I wanted some alone time at the museum. So if you'll excuse me." I try to walk away from Yixing but he jumps in my path and continues blocking me instead.

"So you honestly wanted to view the art alone? Not because your fiancée is too dumb to appreciate art with you? What's he's doing instead? Off pumping iron in gym or whatever other purely physical activities dumb jocks like him do exclusively?" 

"He's doing something meaningful. Volunteering." I lie. No way am I gonna confirm Yixing's smug assertion that Siwon's only hobbies are sports and exercise and basically nothing else that doesn't require physical exertion. It's true my well-built fiancé has never been interested in anything else, not in the arts, literature, culture, history. Well, he is interested in music. To some extent. He jams to hip-hop when he works out. And right at this very moment, Siwon is actually at the gym, pumping iron indeed, to pump up his left pec, so that the pair will "even out". But no way in hell, am I gonna let Yixing know any of that!

"Look, I'm gonna call security on you if you persist on harassing me like that!" I hissed in a restrained voice so as not to make a scene at the hallowed museum.

"Ok, Ok, let's enjoy some Titian instead" Yixing hushes cheekily and steps aside elaborately and flourishes his hands towards the Danaë painting before me. It's hilarious when he does these mock elaborate movements of his. But I grit my teeth and resist smiling.

I motion to Yixing to return my brochure but instead he folds the brochure and tucks it into his back pocket and siddles up to me.

"No need for brochure, I'll be your walking audio guide instead" as he whispers ily into my ear.

I turn around to protest but Yixing cups my chin and tilts my face towards the painting as he continues speaking to my ear, "What we have here is one of the five known oil-on-canvas paintings in the Danaë series that Venetian master, Titian or Tiziano Vecellio, painted between 1553-1556." Haha, it's funny how Yixing emphasizes "Tiziano Vecellio" in a mock Italian accent. 

He continues "The painting depicts the mythological princess, Danaë. Prophecised that her firstborn would kill her father, she was locked up by the king. But Zeus, or Jupiter as known in Roman mythology, fell in love with her and seduced her, and eventually penetrates the princess’ chamber in the form of a golden shower, thereby begetting a multitude of allegorical interpretations, as well as a son, Perseus."

Well,  I must admit I'm impressed. Yixing seems to know his art and mythology. There's just something unnerving about the way he accentuates the word "penetrates" though. It sounds almost ual?

"Titian famed for his painting of sensuous , created this masterpiece that many critics have called one of the most '... lustful... and ual...paintings'. Does it make you blush, Bo?" I shake my head but gawd, the way he drags out the words makes his explanation so...titilating. 

"No? Do you...not see that way the ... Danaë parts... her legs? Her wanton desires... evident in the way she tilts her neck and torso expectantly towards the golden showers? Her unconstrained ...and ually ....charged self symbolised by the avarice of the nursemaid who spreads... her apron unabashedly wide to catch the falling coins." I bite my lower lip to suppress any audible moans from accidentally escaping. Is there anything ier than a hot intellectual guy seductively whispering the finer points of a art to you? Gosh, I feel my face heating up. Damn you. Zhang Yixing! 

He shifts to my other side and tucks my hair behind my ear and rasps, "Do you...notice Titian painted one of Danaë's hands hidden from view? The glaring omission highly suggestive. What do you think her left hand is doing? Merely resting by her side or is she...pleasuring... herself, while receiving Jupiter's emissions? It's evident Danaë is in ual ecstasy. Her right hand clenching onto the sheets, her face tilted up, her eyes glazed and her lips almost parted. A familiar sight I'll say. Reminds me of that night when I penetrated you..."

"Ok! That's enough art for today." I wake up from my trance and distance myself from Yixing and blatantly ignore his last sentence.

"I gotta go" I mumble as I hardly dare look Yixing in the eye and walk out of the gallery hurriedly.

next chapter: The truth shall set you free