Love Yourself

Justine Bieber

MIANHE! (i realize i often start a essage with mianhe...hehe...mianhe) i have been so busy these past few days. sorry i have not been updating my stories. i was going to update So Crazy Lion Heart but i'm feeling a bit angsty. hehe. sorry for some mistakes in here

This is Tiffany Hwang POV

“I want out” I told her as she gets inside of the room. I was practicing how to say it to her but in the end i just blurted it out. I can see that she was shocked at first. Well whatever we have is no longer working. It’s destroying us. Eventually someone has to pull the strings. I guess she just didn’t expect it from me.  

“No” She answered flatly.

“Why? We both know that this whole thing is just an arrangement.”

“I know” And there goes her irritating one liners.

I looked at her helplessly. “This can never work...this...us...it can never work. Do you understand? Do you know why?”

“I know.” This “I know” is really getting into my nerves.

“It’s because you keep giving me a f*ing I Know as an answer!”

“What do you want me to say?”Finally she can speak more than two words.

“I don’t know. Maybe having a real conversation?”

“What do you want us to talk about? Our feelings? Like you’ve said this whole thing is just an arrangement so our feelings do not matter.”

“It does! It does because this thing whatever we have is no longer working for us. We are hurting each other.”

“So you want out? It’s not that easy Fany... Thinking that you can get in and out of something like marriage.”

“I don’t think you understand. Nothing will come out good out of this marriage. I don’t love you. I don’t think I can ever...”

“That I know perfectly well.”

“Then why? WHY?! WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME GO??” I can’t help but raise her voice..

“So you want out so you can be with your lover?”

“Yuri is not my lover.”

“You are saying that you are not cheating behind my back?”

“Stop accusing me! I am not cheating and I have never cheated on you. Yes, I love Yuri. Yuri is the love of my life.”

“Well you finally admitted something.”

“But I have never acted on my feelings after I married you. I never cheated on you. All I am asking is for you to set me free. All I wanted is to be happy. Can’t I be happy?”

“You’re blaming me that you are unhappy?”

“Why can’t you understand where I am coming from? Can’t you see that this marriage is destroying us? I just wanted to be set free before we both lose ourselves.”

“Mianhe”

“I hate you.... I hate you...” I started to shout at Hyomin who left the room. Mianhe? She does not even sound sincere! And what does it can do?  Nothing! I couldn’t help but cry my heart out.

Everyone thinks I have the perfect marriage. The perfect wife. Yes, I said wife. The perfect couple. Who would not think of that when I’m married with South Korea’s Darling Park Hyomin. Yes, you read it right. I am married to the one and only Park Hyomin.

So you might ask that how come I, a girl, am married to another girl and it’s not just any girl but the Park Hyomin. And in South Korea. Well at first, they did not accept it. Well girl on girl marriage was not the issue but it was rather if I was worth it to be married with Hyomin. Needless to say, I accumulated anti-fans/haters. But we were able to win them over... I mean Hyomin’s overprotective fans. Finally they accepted me and deemed me worthy of their princess heart.   

It’s like a dream come true. We are like showbiz power couple. She’s the superstar while I am the SK Ent heiress. SK Ent is the top entertainment agency in South Korea and Hyomin is one of our precious talents. It’s like a match made in entertainment heaven. Only it wasn’t.

I’m sorry if I burst your bubble. But it’s the truth. I am not happy. Behind those publice appearances and elegant gatherings, we are not happy. We are like strangers. Strangers with animosity towards each other. Yes, that is how bad it is. Somehow it’s better that Hyomin is always busy. Her hectic schedule always keeps her out of town. In fact I want out of this hell. Yes it feels like hell because all there is...is nothing.  What I have with Hyomin is just an arrangement. A business arrangement. A contract that expires. And this contract has long been expired.

You might think I am being selfish here and unfair to Hyomin. I tried. I tried to make this work. I thought I can love her... she is Park Hyomin, the national darling. But Hyomin is far from the Park Hyomin we know on tv. She is cold, distant and lifeless. Yes, lifeless because she keeps wearing this stoic face and keeps giving me one line answers. And I hate her one line answers! I hate her monotone uninterested voice!

If only she pays attention to me even for just a little bit then maybe things will be easier. But no. She pays more attention to work, to her colleagues, to her manager, to my Appa who is her boss and father in law, to everyone else in the house but me! Yes, we live with my family in one house. Hyomin moved in to our house as Appa’s request.

It would have been a lot easier if Hyomin is a lot nicer. If she is as nice as how she treats her fans or strangers, I would have like her. I cannot say love because my heart belongs to someone else. Hyomin knows that my heart belongs to someone else. Maybe that’s why she keeps doubting me but please... she needs to trust me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I am only guilty of not being able to forget Yuri. How can I when she is the love of my life? Even if she left me all alone, my heart still beats only for her. Now that Yuri is back it made things more complicated. My love for her is stronger but I never acted on it. But Hyomin thinks otherwise and only accuses me.

This is stupid.

 My life is.