Let Me Be the One

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R29C3JoaYQ

“Everyone is expected to write their own composition and by the end of the year, you will perform your self-composed song. This will be your major project and has a big impact on your final grade. We will have our lectures which can help you with this project. Any questions, you can approach me.”  

First day of school and this is what the music professor announced.  I don’t mind, I believe I am somewhat creative….I think. Maybe my creativity will surface when needed. Besides the project is due not until the end of the year. I hear some of my classmates chatting about this project. Some are excited, I guess they are good in writing. I was never good at expressing myself. I only get to express to those people I am close with. Hyomin and I have been friends for a long time. I met him because he liked my friend Sunny. Things didn’t work out between them but me and Hyomin became best of friends. We always hang out unless I am with Jessica. Jessica is my girlfriend. We have been together for 2 years.

“Hey. Some project huh?” Hyo said as he approached me after the class ended.

“Yeah. Late again?” I ask.

“Nope. Just in time.” He said grinning. We left the room and hang out while waiting for the next class.

Someone hugged me and I knew it was Sica. “hello” I greeted her while giving her a smile. She smiled back and kissed me on the cheek.

“Hello Sunyoung.” She greeted Hyomin teasingly. “Hi Sooyeon” Hyomin teased back.

“Uhh…we have song composition as a project.” Sica complained.

“Mr. Kim right?” Hyo asked. Sica nodded. “Us too.”

“Such a headache…” I complained which the other two agreed.

“I am going to be busy this year. Most of the time we will go to competitions. We even have international competition. Then we still have this project.” Sica complained. She is part of the school choir. They are really good that they get invited to other countries for competition.

“Well, at least you get to see different scenes and have experiences you can write for the song. Me and Hyo are stuck here.” I said. She nodded. Suddenly, her friends call her for practice. And there she goes. I rarely get to see her last vacation due to practice. I wonder how often I shall get to see her. I just miss her.

Seeing Sica has become lesser and lesser, shorter and shorter because of her activities.

“Faster Hyo!!” I called him. I was waiting for him because we are going to the Choir interschool Competition. We are going to support Sica. Hyomin said he is coming in 10 mins. I saw Jessica.

“Hey. I came to watch you perform.” I said to Jessica. Her friends walked to us. “Just Sica? Yul, we are performing as a group.” Taeyeon teased.

“We know, you only see Jessica.” Soyeon teased as well.

“Goodluck everyone! I know you will win this!” I said cheering them on. “Fighting!”

“Thanks Yul, We shall get going.” Sica said. I cheer her once more before she left.

I was still waiting for Hyo, it was passed 20 mins already. Lucky that the program has not started yet. I purposedly set to meet 30 mins earlier because he always comes late. I glanced at Sica’s group. Only contestants are allowed in that area. I saw this guy, Tyler Kwon. He is very stylish unlike me. I don’t know why but I feel something…is it intimidation? Well he is a well dressed guy and I think he carries himself so well. He is just a year older but I feel like a dorky boy while he is a man. I should not care but why do I get this off feeling. The way he looks at Sica is something. Some of their groupmates will openly teased them. They should know that Sica has a boyfriend!! I am here, you know. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Sorry. I was caught on traffic.” Hyomin said then he glanced back at Sica’s group. “Let’s go.” He said as he saw that I was still looking at them. “Don’t worry.” I looked at him as he said that. “They will surely win” He continued with a grin. I nodded. Hyomin knew I was not worried about the choir competition. It’s his way of saying that I shouldn’t be worrying over nothing.

Of course they won. Sica sent me a message that the group will be celebrating. I felt disappointed that I can’t be with her.

“Dude, I know you are sick of seeing my face all the time. Trust me, the feeling is mutual but do you see me being so obvious about it?” Hyomin said.

“Sorry man. Just that Sica is…busy.” I said. “But you got all my attention already…” I said sweetly. He threw a fries at me and we both laugh. Yeah, I need to laugh. We talked about random stuff, both being careful not to touch the topic about love.

I saw Sica talking to Tyler. It was just simple talk we even greeted each other. Sometimes, Sica will mention Tyler in our rare conversations. I choose not to give so much thought because she talked about her group a lot. I am just over sensitive when she mentions that guy but I don’t want her to notice. It might cause us to fight. Though most of the time she is with her group. Most of her pictures are with them. She seems so happy.

How is Sica and me? I don’t know anymore. I love her. But she seems so far. Our parents knew about me and Sica’s realtionship. Actually that is why they became friends. When my mom will ask me, how we are, I will said that we are ok and tell Sica’s whereabouts. Yes, when Sica and I talk, she just talks about what she is going to do. It is so unlikely but we have nothing to talk about most of the time. There will be awkward silence in our conversations. I might have been used to short conversations. There are some things I want to say and ask but I hold it to myself. I want her to not get close to Tyler. The last time I commented about her hanging too much with her group and not me, we almost fought. So this might just be a ‘childish’ thought that I should let go.

“Yul, you know Sica. The more you try to restrict her, the more she will go away from you.” Hyomin said. I told Hyomin all my bottled feelings. I guess our bromance really got stronger for me to show this side of to him. “Just woo her and get your Sica.”

I was looking at Sica’s picture with her group. They went to this retreat. She seems happier compare to when she s with me. Sica ah, why do I feel like I am losing you? I will fight for you Sica. No matter what I will fight for you.

I set a dinner date for Sica’s return from retreat. I walked to her house. I saw Sica and Tyler talking outside.

“I love you Sica. Please give me a chance. Give us a chance.”

Us? I can’t move. Sica was looking down. Tyler lifted her chin. He was moving closer to her. He stopped as if asking for permission. He kissed her. Sica did not do anything to stop it. It was short and sweet like those in romantic movies. It’s as if I was the bad guy here.

“Goodnight Jessica. Please think about it.” Tyler said. Sica nods. Their eyes met and both smiled.

She was about to go in after he left. The smile she was wearing dropped when she heard me ask, “You are considering it?”

“Yul…” “About us….” “I didn’t mean to….have this feelings for him.” It crushed me.

“how about your feelings for me?”

“I don’t know anymore..”

There was silence between us. I just looked at her. I don’t know what to say anymore. I left. I was hoping she will call me back. But nothing. I am wrong. This time Sica we are not fighting the same battle anymore.

Days passed. Sica and I will avoid each other. Tyler will always be with her. We didn’t really break up. I was still holding unto that. Maybe we can fix things be together again. I am a fool. I was the one who walked away from her. After seeing her with Tyler, her smile to him and the look in her eyes when she looks at me. I know what song to write.

It’s the end of the semester. We submit our songs and today is the day that we will be performing. The teacher combined all of his class. Sica will be here to hear this song. The student will perform in the stage when their name is called.

“Kwon Yuri, Let Me Be the One. On stage please.” The teacher announced.

I can hear murmurs. People are talking saying that the song is just about me wishing Sica will take me back as what the title says. I don’t care about these people. I went to play the piano and sing the song. Hoping that one particular girl listens to my song, to my heart.

As my song was about to end, I looked at her and sang my last line.

“So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time

 And goodbye”