#20 My Wendy
Between Us -forever yours-
~ Yoseob's POV
"This is only a monologue, of one-sided love"
It's one line of the lyrics I wrote for our collaboration project. It's the line that can describe my feeling towards Kyuri perfectly. Even until this very day.
I still remember the first day I met her. We're just high school students who shared the same dream, to pursure career as singers, putting our hope high while enjoying our lives at the fullest.
There's this one time when we talked about never growing up, to live the days of our high school life where we had so much fun together. Kyuri read this article about something called as Peter Pan Syndrome, the supposed psychological phenomenon of immaturity among people who want to remain as children.
She liked Peter Pan story a lot. She liked to imagine how Neverland would be if it really existed. She liked how the fairytale taught us about growing old was not an option but a chance for us to be a better person.
Kyuri didn't want to stop growing up. She wanted to be an adult for so many reasons she could list off. To make her parents proud, to give strength to people through her passion of music, and to embrace the even bigger happiness in life.
Listening to her thought, I did think I was such a Peter Pan, not wanting to leave my days with her. However, at the same time, I wanted to see the future when both of us had fulfilled our dreams.
While writing the lyrics, I tried to put myself in the Peter Pan's shoes, wondering what he's feeling as the boy who wouldn't grow up.
And now, today, my Wendy is standing right in front of me.
Kyuri is wearing the blue dress, representing Wendy, while I have a green-colored tuxedo which represents Peter Pan.
Today we will start the filming for our music video. The song title is already decided.
"Forever Yours".
It's the title I proposed for the song and, thankfully, it's accepted. Reading the lyrics all over again, the title suits the lyrics very much, they said.
"Yoseob," Kyuri smiles to me, stepping closer as she greets me. "Let's do our best together today."
In just a single glance, I know that she's not alright. I don't know how or why I can know about it but I just know.
Eunhyuk is nowhere to be found around the filming site since it's not his schedule today. He will film his rap part separately tomorrow.
Actually I don't remember seeing them together since last week. This leads me to one conclusion: something is wrong with them.
"Kyuri," I tilt my head, letting my lips to turn into a curve. "Do you have any schedule after this?"
She blinks with confusion, "Eh? After this? Why?"
"Just asking," I grin, repeating my question to seek an answer from her which is she does have a fansigning event to attend three hours after the filming.
"Why?" she asks again, detecting a suspicious idea from me. "Don't you have a schedule too later?"
Nodding, I tell her that I need to have two hours of dance practice with the rest of my group but -- this I don't tell her -- I have another idea in my mind.
As a fellow idol, I'm supposed to stay professional, worried with the possible rumors in the future if anyone see us together, especially since I'm still considered as a rookie.
As a man who is in love with her, I need to ask her about what happened between her and Eunhyuk because, if he hurt her, I should have snatched her from him and just have her for myself.
But, as Yang Yoseob, a best friend of Park Kyuri, all I want to do is to remain as her reliable friend forever.
"Kyuri," I bend down slightly, whispering to her ear. "Let's run away after this."
~ Kyuri's POV
Staring at my phone wallpaper, a picture of Eunhyuk and I together during our trip to Paris months ago, my heart aches, wondering where our bright smile disappeared.
I never had a romantic relationship with another man before Eunhyuk. I heard about couple having the difficult obstacles after one or two years together but...
"I'm not fine with this cold war between us. I'm not fine with you being alright without me. Call me selfish and all, Kyuri, but I'm not fine now."
His words pierced me so deep that I couldn't think of anything else but the worst idea in our relationship.
Should we just break up? Will he be fine then? Will it be better for us?
Even after he called me two days ago, my heart still doesn't know which direction we're heading right now. Are we going to one destination or we're already splitted to two paths already?
"For whatever I said, Kyuri, I don't mean to hurt you. I don't want to break our relationship too. Both of us just need to cool down for now."
For now. For how long? Forever?
Is it me who caused everything turned this way? What had I done that made him hurt and acted so distant towards me?
"Hey," I lift my head upon the familiar voice, facing my best friend who is smiling at me like what he always does. He grins, "Sorry. I just looked for a cap so... Shall we?"
The first day of music video filming for "Forever Yours", the collaboration track by three of us just finished twenty minutes ago.
Yoseob had some difficulties since it's his first time to actually act in a music video since debut but, even the director said it, he is hardworking and this attitude of him earns respect from all staffs.
Despite being the rookie idol, he does his best not to be overshadowed. His bright smile also lightened up the atmosphere whenever and wherever he was.
Before the filming started, Yoseob asked me to run away. Not running away too far actually. We're just going to the nearby amusement park which is relatively new.
It's a really small amusement park. There aren't many attractions there so not many people come here. This, in fact, is a good thing for us since we're avoiding public's attention.
Without telling our true intention to managers, we just told them we're going to meet an old friend -- which is not a lie, actually, considering both of us are friends since high school.
"I messed up a lot, didn't I?" Yoseob tucks his hands inside of jacket's pocket, grinning apologetically to me. "Sorry, Kyuri Sunbaenim."
I snort jokingly, "Oh, please. I feel old when my best friend calls me Sunbaenim."
We're just walking around, enjoying the warm weather. It feels good just to stroll around, not wanting to think of life trouble at the moment but, of course, I know Yoseob doesn't ask me to 'run away' for no good reason.
"Eunhyuk Hyung...," he starts the topic. "Are you two still fighting?"
Unconsciously, I clench my fists slightly, gritting my teeth to think of an answer. Are we? Are we fighting?
"I didn't know that choosing someone else as my duet partner is a big deal for him," I confess honestly. "He's always being so considerate. No jealousy. Not too overprotective. Everything was so good until..."
I stop. Until what?
"Until I returned in your life?" Yoseob continues, putting a bitter smile on his face. "I'm right, eh?"
I open my mouth to deny his statement but he doesn't let me, "You never change, Kyuri."
Keeps walking on, Yoseob mutters calmly, "Sometimes I wonder if it's better if you forget me, so you could be happy with a man whom you love but, to be honest, a part of me thinks otherwise."
"I'm jealous with Eunhyuk Hyung. A lot. As an idol, I take it as a motivation to become a better one in the future but, as a man, I just don't know how to win your heart against him."
Eh?
Yoseob turns around and gives me a small smile, "The more I tried to forget this feeling, the more I realized that I couldn't forget you."
The night when Yoseob confessed to me that he didn't only think of me as a best friend crossed my mind again. The snowy day when I felt disappointed because he said he was totally fine with Eunhyuk to be with me. The day when we met again after year of silence.
"I lied when I laughed and asked Hyung to go for you. I hurt myself when I chose to apologize to you, not even standing for myself to ask you to see me as a man," Yoseob tells me truthfully. "And, here I am, still loving the girl who loves another man."
I cover my mouth, too surprised with the sudden heart confession.
Too selfish, I think to myself. I am so insensitive and selfish. Out of all people, I don't even consider Yoseob's feeling. I just convince myself that he only saw me as a best friend again after our silence moments.
Never -- not even once -- I tried to talk with him about something else other than work and singing.
He heaves a sigh, looking up at the sky, "He knows. At least I think he knows. That I never stop loving his girlfriend and he feels insecure with my presence. I think I can understand his feeling somehow."
"I was lost. I thought I would be happy if you two fought because, at least, that meant I had a chance to make you turn to me but...," Yoseob lands his gaze on me, "...seeing you like this, I know it's not what I want."
"Just like Peter Pan...," Yoseob steps closer to me, patting my head gently, "...I'll just be right here, looking at my Wendy to find her destined love."
"Until then I'll always stay by your side."
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