In the middle of the night, we all ended up in my room, scattered on the floor. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was Gerald. He looked much older, rather than only having a month and change weeks pass. He looked like he hadn’t got much sleep lately.

Why was he coming back? I thought the letter was a goodbye and I never was supposed to see him again. I was getting better! I was laughing, I was smiling, I was dancing.

Or maybe I wasn’t getting any better. Maybe I was forcing myself to do those things, or maybe I always had it in me, I only chose to focus on the bad.

I can feel it now, though. The drawer. It’s like a magnet pulling me towards it. My window was open, and I heard the rustling of the wind. It’s louder than usual, loud enough to wake everyone up. Or at least me since everyone’s still asleep.

He wanted to talk to me. He wanted to say something, but I stood my ground. I was showing him that I didn’t need him anymore. Maybe it wasn’t that all. It was fear. I was scared of hearing what he had to say because I knew I’d fall in love with him all over again, but then I’d just be disappointed in the end. Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it.

You’re one year older, Kim. You need to put this to the past. You need to read this letter.

I stood up, and walked around my friends, going to the drawer, letting it draw me in. I took the key from my jewellery box and opened it, taking the letter out. I sighed. It felt heavier than before. I bit my bottom lip, and looked over at my friends sleeping at my feet.

They had nothing to worry about, nothing to keep them up at night, not like me. I opened the door and walked outside. If I was going to read this letter, I was going to do it right.

I opened the door to the pool house. The doorknob was cold, like it hasn’t been touch in a long time, which it hasn’t. When the door opened, it was dark. I found the switch, and it looked untouched. It didn’t leave any trace that he once stayed here. No imprint on the bed, nothing has been moved.

Every blink, I saw flashbacks. The first time I saw him playing the guitar on the bed the first night here. The time where we got soaked and I slept right beside him. The first time…Our first time. What’s wrong with me? I’m making this too much of a big deal. It was just a boy, Kim, I told myself. But it’s just a boy who took your heart and stomped on it.

I sat on the bed, and heard it creak. Did it always creak? I don’t remember. My hands were trembling as it held the envelope. Why was this so scary? Reading words that he thought of, that he wrote down.

I was able to rip the envelope open, and unfolded the paper. It was definitely his writing. So the fantasy of freaking out for nothing because it didn’t really belong to him went straight down the toilet.

I could picture him writing this, sitting down on a table in some rust, old apartment. He’d be sitting by a night stand in the dark because Chris and Isabelle would give him trouble for writing to someone he’s supposed to be away from.

The paper was still white and not creased except for where it was folded. It seemed like no one read it until now.

And then the words hit me, ‘Dearest Kim.’

A lump was already rising in my throat. This was definitely harder than I thought it’d be.

I had to read it four times to really understand what he was writing. ‘Hardest letter…say goodbye to…who I’ve given my heart to…will always belong to you…became my rock…… it’s even harder…prefer living with you…all I have is hope…the one who broke your heart…once day…move passed everything…always thinking of you…love is strong as ever…forget about me’.

I could hear his voice in my head as if he was reading this letter to me. He wanted me to forget about him. To forget about everything that’s happened? To just pretend like nothing happened? How could he say he loves me more than anything and then say to forget about him? And then he has the nerve of showing up on my doorstep!

I was so angry. It was an emotion I remembered quite well and I was feeling it now. He wanted me to forget everything, to throw away a year of my life – the best year of my life just so it’s easier? Easier for whom? Him or me?

I found myself ripping the letter in half and holding the two halves in my hand, trying my best to hold back the tears.

The door swung open and I expected it to be Gerald, but to my relief it was Erich in her night gown. “Hey, I saw the light on and I assumed you’d be here.” She saw the ripped letter and my chest heaving rapidly. “Oh, Kim…”

“I read the letter,” I said chuckling pathetically. “He tells me to forget him, and then he shows up at my door on my birthday...Erich, what does he want from me?”

I saw her take out a ticket from behind her, “I think he wants you to go to this studio. I checked it on the internet, it’s this place where amateurs perform…I think he wants you to go.”

“But why? Him coming here contradicts everything in this letter.”

Erich took my hand and squeezed it. “I read the letter too. Listen, he obviously still loves you. Now you can take this letter, believe him and forget him and ignore this invitation. Or you can take this letter, take this ticket and talk to him. Close this chapter for good, and have a proper goodbye you both deserve…if that’s what you want.” She rested her chin on my shoulder, “The bottom line is…he put it on you. It’s your decision, and no one…not him, me, your parents can’t judge you for that. You have to do what’s best for you.”

She put the ticket in my hand and kissed my cheek. “It’s up to you,” she repeated.

The next day, I changed into skinny jeans and a worn out T-shirt. I took the ticket in my hand and got into my car. It was up to me, and I decided that in order to fully complete my mission of moving on, I needed to face the person who brought me here.

I got to the studio. It was dark and the place looked almost full. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 6:48, the actual performances started at 7. I took a seat by the bar and ordered a soda.

***Third person narrative***

He saw Kim sitting there; stirring whatever was in her cup with her straw. She had her legs crossed, and her hair up in a ponytail. She looked so beautiful. She still had the ability to take his breath away.

He was holding his guitar and he needed to walk passed her in order to get to the stage.

Kim saw him in the corner of her eye, and her breath caught in . He didn’t look at her, possibly he didn’t see her. He dressed in the casual way he always dressed. She watched him go to a man, the manager possibly, and he went behind the curtain.

By seven, Kim finished her third glass of coke.

“By popular demand, he is back with a classic. Please give a warm welcome to Gerald Anderson!!” The MC said.

Kim turned around so she faced the stage. The studio looked more packed, and she saw Gerald walk out with his guitar, taking a seat in front of the mic.

He looked at her now, his eyes focused on hers. She bit her lip and fidgeted with her fingers. He adjusted the microphone, and got comfortable on the seat, holding the guitar in his hand, resting it on his lap.

“I didn’t write this song, it’s a classic from Jim Brickman. This song, the lyrics just show how I feel about one particular person here tonight. She’s someone sear to my heart, and I know I hurt her, but I just want her to know that I still love her. It’s called My Love is Here. Hope you guys enjoy it.” He gave me one last glance before beginning the song.

“WORDS NOTHING BUT WORDS
FOR ME TO SHOW
HOW MUCH MY LOVE FOR YOU
UNFOLDS THROUGH TROUBLE AND FEARS
THIS LOVE FEELS SO REAL, AND I NEED YOU TO KNOW
EVEN THOUGH WE’RE FAR APART
YOU’RE RIGHT BESIDE ME IN MY HEART
DON’T YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS HERE?
DON’T YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS REAL?
YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOE
THIS MUCH IS TRUE
MY LOVE IS HERE FOR YOU

Kim’s eyes began to water at hearing the words. Why now? After everything that happened? Why is it now that he is telling her everything? Why is he giving her the goodbye she wanted weeks ago and now gave up hope of ever receiving it?

TIME, NOTHING BUT TIME
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND
I’LL GIVE YOU ALL THAT YOU NEED
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, I’LL NEVER LET YOU GO
TIL YOU COME BACK TO ME
AND EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE FAR AWAY
I AM RGHT BESIDE YOU DAY BY DAY.

This was a waste of time. She paid the guy behind the bar and stood up. “Thank you,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Gerald said as he got up, dropping the microphone stand to the ground. He took off his guitar and gave it to the nearest guy.

Kim began to pick up speed, pushing her way through the crowd. “Kim!” She heart her name being called, but continued on pushing her way through.

Despite the lack of abilities, he was still able to catch up with her, grabbing her arm.

She turned to look at him and bit her lip, “I shouldn’t have come.”

“But you are, so you might as well hear what I have to say,” he commented.

Kim scoffed, “Hear what you have to say? Are you kidding me? A month ago, you wanted nothing to do with me, telling me all the reasons why you have to leave; putting it all in a letter. You walked away without hearing what I have to say, and now you show up expecting me to hear what you have to say?!” She said, not thinking as the words came out. She got out of his grasp.

But he grabbed her again. “Kim, we need to talk.”

“Can you guys get out of the way?!” A group of people said, trying to get passed them.

Gerald sighed, and dragged her into a storage room, shutting the door for privacy. “If you didn’t want to hear what I have to say, then why did you come?”

“I think you said enough in that song.” She walked backwards until she bumped into a rack behind her, creating distance between them. “What? You think you can make me forgive you because of a song…you didn’t even write? I know Jim Brickman pretty well, you should’ve just told me to listen to it in your letter!”

Gerald wiped his face with his hands, “Okay, I get it. You’re angry. You’re angry that I wrote you letter without hearing you out.”

Kim mirthlessly laughed, “Angry? That’s an understatement.” She didn’t know who this person was talking. She sure as hell didn’t expect to start a fight with him. “You left me, Gerald. I did absolutely everything for you, and what did I get in return? You walking away without saying a word, except goodbye.” She paused, “Weeks passed, I receive a letter, no return address. I can’t read it because of what you did.” She shook her head. “You think I’m angry? Try having the person who hurt you, waltz back in your life, singing a damn song to express what they feel. You weren’t even man enough to do it in the first place. I am so angry, so hurt. I feel so betrayed by the way you made me feel about you. You made me depend on you, you made me depend on what we had. So when it wasn’t there anymore, I broke. I couldn’t talk to anyone, I couldn’t even look at anyone.” She took a deep breath. “And school! Do you know what it feels like to be blamed for what happened? To have people blame you for someone’s death, and you can’t even go home to talk to anyone about it. Because the only person who knew, who’d understand walk away. I was alone, Gerald. Last night…last night was the first time I laughed, I smiled. Last night was the first time I actually had fun in forever. And just when I thought I was getting better, you come. You come back. So yeah, I’m angry.”

“I’m sorry,” he said slowly.

“Me too. For trusting you. For allowing you to get in, for allowing myself to fall. I’m sorry.” She said, turning her back towards him, and reaching for the handle. She turned and pulled it, but nothing. She tried again, but nothing. “Damn it!” She exclaimed, hitting the door. “We’re locked in.” Those three words. Three words…were they good or bad?