I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I couldn’t sleep last night. I tried my best not to enter her thoughts, but as I watched her sleep, I couldn’t help myself. I told myself one more thought, but then it was her whole dream.

She dreamed of me. I smiled the whole night, and then she rolled over and faced me. Her head rested on my shoulder, and one arm went around me. I didn’t know what to do. I stared at her angelic face. Even without any make-up and her hair in disarray from sleeping, she still looked perfect to me.

My goodness, Gerald, look what you’re doing to yourself. You’re falling for her, aren’t you? You know you’re not good for her, you’ll put her in danger if you’ll get involved. But I love her, isn’t that enough. Love conquers all, doesn’t it? I sighed, look at what she’s doing to you, Ge, she’s turning you into a cliché.

I’ve been having this inner argument with myself for a long time. Kim deserves someone better than me, but whenever I look into her eyes and see how much she needs me, I can’t help myself but always be close to her. She’s falling fast and she’s falling hard. The only thing I’m scared of is that if I keep my distance away from when she needs me the most, I’ll fail her, I’ll break my promise, and I can’t bear to hurt her. So what’s better? To follow through with what’s best for her and risk her getting hurt, or do I give in to what I want and still risk putting her in danger. Either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.

I stayed in bed just gazing at her beauty. I traced the side of her cheek, her skin was so soft. I had this angel sleeping beside me, I couldn’t hurt her. I put an arm around her and she must’ve felt it because she moved closer to me, resting her head on my chest.

I closed my eyes, and joined thoughts with her. She was thinking of me again, of the two us in the studio last night. She was thinking of our conversation and how she agreed to be with me, how she agreed to be mine, how I wanted her to be mine. She was thinking of the kiss, and how she wanted more. How I wanted more, but I knew I had to hold back, I wasn’t much of a PDA guy and we had the whole room intrigued by the whole discussion me and Kim were having.

That was my way of getting more out of her, things I knew she wouldn’t be thinking about. I learned that the problem wasn’t with her not trusting me, but it was her being afraid of needing someone again. She was someone who put on an independent woman façade, but really she just didn’t want to be alone.

I smiled because she felt the same way I did, she was falling in love with me, the way I felt for her all those years ago and still feel for her now.

The sky was beginning to glow with the dawn and I opened my eyes, looking down at her precious face. This felt so natural, her being in my arms. She fit so perfectly, like all this time, we were meant to be, like she was supposed to be mine and I was supposed to be hers.

Being this close to her and knowing how I feel made me realize how much more I hated Jake. He hurt her so many times, breaking her heart, lying to her, cheated on her. But no matter how much I hated him, I also had to thank her, because I knew if what happened didn’t happen, I’d be missing this, I’d be missing holding her, and knowing that she felt this way about me. So, thank you, Jake, for bringing me to this moment, for handing over Kim to me.

Three hours later, I looked at her again, and saw that she was still sleeping soundly. At least one of us was getting some rest. I slowly moved out from under her, and smiled when she just stirred but did not wake up.

I went to take a shower and got dressed simply in a sweat shirt and sweat pants. I had no class, and after spending the night, I knew she didn’t care about what I was wearing. I sat on the foot of the bed and sat there for awhile, just thinking about what I needed to do.

My eyes gazed across the room and I saw my guitar. I walked over to it, and grabbed it. Holding it in my arms, it felt foreign to me. I hadn’t held for the longest time, I think it’s been over a month.

But the second I began strumming it, the whole reason why I loved playing came rushing back. I played quietly, the song that I’ve been trying to write. It’s funny, I’ve been having months of writer’s block, but now it was all coming to me. I took my notebook, and began writing furiously.

I think I played for an hour and a half and I even finished the song. I played the whole thing at once, without stopping and once I finished playing it, I heard applause. I turned around and saw the most beautiful face staring at me smiling. “You’re awake,” I said.

“And you actually have talent,” she laughed. “I’ve been awake for awhile now, I’ve just been laying here watching you. I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked like you didn’t want to be interrupted.”

I looked down at the filled page in the notebook and laughed, “Yeah, I finished the song I’ve been writing. I don’t know what happened, months of not knowing how to continue, and now I’m done. After an hour and a half, it’s finally complete.”

She laughed at me, “I know what’s happened, I’m here. I’m your lucky charm, apparently a good one at that because that’s an amazing song.”

I smiled at her, “Yeah, I guess you are my lucky charm. I guess I have to stay close to wherever you are.” I leaned closer to her. She just smiled. I sighed, I love her smile.

She got out of bed, and I couldn’t help loving the way she looked in my shirt. She could be able to look good in a baggy shirt. My eyes moved down to her long slender legs. She walked to the bathroom and was out in five minutes. “You’re beautiful,” I said quietly, but enough that she heard me.

She chuckled, combing her hair with her fingers, “Right, with my morning hair. So how’d you sleep?” She went back inside, and grabbed her now dry clothes.

“Acceptable, you?” I called out so she could hear me in the bathroom.

“Surprisingly, it was amazing. I don’t think I ever had such a good night’s sleep like that in a really long time.” She walked out, and was holding the clothes in her arms.

I laughed, “So I guess I’m your lucky charm also.” When she smiled at me, I wanted to know what she was thinking; I needed to know what she was thinking.

‘He’s such a gentleman, and he’s not like most of the guys out there. Am I attracted to him, of course I am, but is this something I want to lose? No. If something happens between us, and it ends badly, I could lose him forever. And that’s the last thing I want,’ I heard her tell herself. I couldn’t agree with her more. ‘So, you’re just going to have accept whatever it is you guys are to each there, because I’d rather have that than nothing at all.’

I saw her smiling at me and I smiled back. I agreed with her, I’d rather have this with her than nothing else.

The next two months passed and everything mostly stayed the same. I dropped her off at school, I picked her up, we went to classes together, and even to a few parties. We spent a lot of time together.

Of course, some of that time was spent on focusing on what’s been going on with the hunters. There hasn’t been any break-ins, and with Kim’s father back in the house, there has been less stress and worry. I’ve watched Kim spend time with her father and I let that be between her and her father, keeping away from her as much as possible when they were together.

But every opportunity I got, I was able to indulge myself with secret glances and touches. And not just the simple staring and abruptly looking away, but stealing some time to just gaze into her eyes and see what she’s been thinking. Looking at her and making her know that I was thinking of her. A look full of a million words that only she would be able to decipher.

And when we’d stand close to each other, our fingers would touch, or our arm would brush against each other. It may have been for a split second, but it was long enough to feel her feelings for me; it was long enough to know that nothing changed, that she still felt the same way. It was long enough to acknowledge that we still had the chemistry and the spark.

It was months of these, but still it was enough. I knew now how much I loved her, and if I needed to live with these tiny things, than I would. Because even if everything was in secret, she was worth it.

Within those two months, I became somewhat as a security blanket for her, someone she’d go to when she had a problem or someone she’d go to celebrate good news. Like when she made student body president, she ran into my arms that day of school and held her close. But within those two months, she became so much more to me. Even without saying it aloud, she became mine.