I returned back to school the coming Monday. I’ve been gone for a week, yet it felt much, much longer than that. Apparently everyone knew what had happened because all eyes were on me. Whispering surrounded my presence. My friends met me on the quad with smiles on their faces. “Hey, glad to see you’re back.”

“That makes one of us. Is it me, or is everyone talking behind my back?” They didn’t answer my question, or maybe it was that the bell rang before. “It’s going to be a long day.” I muttered before walking into my first class.

This was ridiculous, all eyes were on me. I was even sitting in the back of my class. I decided to just try my best to ignore it, all of it. It was in the middle of the work period in which one person turned and started speaking to me. “So did you like scream when Jake was shot?”

I turned my head to face her, “Actually, I was unconscious. Jake injected me with some sort of experimental poison, so I didn’t scream. Not that I would’ve, he deserved it.” The bell rang to end the period and I couldn’t any more happier.

Throughout the day, the stares have become more menacing and full of hatred. Of course no one understood the fact that I was the victim in more ways than one. But everyone thought that I was the one responsible for the death of their beloved jock. If only they knew the truth, the things he did. He deserved to die.

But I couldn’t take it anymore. After fourth period, I drove myself home. The car seemed different somehow. And driving...it somehow didn’t seem right. The seat was pushed back to accommodate his height, same with the rear view mirror. Changing it back to my preferences made it more real that he was gone. His scent was even gone now.

I arrived home and had to pass by the empty pool house once again, stirring an ugly feeling side. “’You’re home early. Was there something wrong today?”

I sighed and turned to look at her, “Well, I’m being stared or glared at by everyone I know. I’m being blamed for Jake’s death, and everyone is treating me like I’m about burst and break, so yeah, there was something wrong today.”

“Kim, I know you’re going through a hard time right now, but it’s better if you just ignore the comments and move forward with your life. You’re still young, there’s so much more out there.”

I laughed, “You know, I’m so sick and tired of everyone telling me young and I have so much to live for and experience, because truth be told, you know nothing about me, Mom. So unless you’ve been through what I’ve been through; where your father pushed away the only one who understood you, and your ex-boyfriend put everyone’s life in danger and now you’re being blamed for his death, don’t bother telling you know what I’m going through.” I turned around and locked myself in my room.

I tried Gerald’s cell phone a number of times, and I always got his voicemail. I didn’t leave a message before, but I knew I needed to. It was 10:00 at night, and I dialled his number again. It rang six times before I heard the beep. I stood from my bed and walked over to the window where I saw the empty pool house. Every trace of him was gone, absolutely nothing was left. I sighed, “Gerald, it’s me, Kim.” I laughed nervously. “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say to someone who just left. I’m angry that you did without saying goodbye. But I also you only did it because it’s what you thought was right. I truly hope that you’re somewhere safe and okay. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back and smile and just appreciate the good times we had. In a short period of time, you gave me so much,” my voice broke, “and since I can’t seem to hold a grudge against you, I’ll just hold onto everything you’ve given me. Just…I want you to know one thing before I go. You showed me how to love and how to be loved. I love you so much, Gerald. And as much as it hurts me to say but I know I’m going to love you forever.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, “Goodbye.” I hung up my phone and bit my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

I threw my cell phone on my bed and sighed. This is ridiculous! I am Kim Chiu, I do not need a man in order to be happy. I can’t stay here and let this control my life. I went downstairs and found my parents on the sofa. “Mom, Dad, can we talk?”

The sat upright and looked at me. “I know I’ve been hard on all of you, I guess it was just stress and the pain and anger. I want to move on. You know this thing that happened, it’s not the worst thing in the world. There’s millions of people dying and I’m…I’m sorry. I’m still angry, I don’t think that’ll change anytime soon, but I’m willing to move passed and try to see it from your points of view.” That statement was towards Daddy. “So I’m going to just try to forget all about what happened.” I smiled.

“I’m glad.”

“Kim, there’s a letter for you,” Ate Lakam said coming behind me looking at a bunch of letters.

I spun to look at her. “Who’s it from?”

“There’s no return address,” she handed it to me and went towards another room.

I laughed at the irony of the situation. I just decided to move on and then I receive a letter that’s bound to keep me in place. “It’s from Gerald.” I answered their silent question. “Um…the girls are going out tonight. I’ll be home early, don’t wait up.” I went over and kissed them both on the cheek.

On my way out, it did sort of feel like everything was getting back to normal, except for the letter that I didn’t realize was clutching onto. I sat in my chair and started the engine. It took everything in me to let go. I began driving towards Beauty’s house where she was having a little party with a couple of friends.

I greeted everyone and found Erich. “I need another favour.”

Erich looked tired, “Another one?” She asked sketchy. “I’m sorry, Kim, but every time you ask me to do a favour, it’s not exactly legal…in a way.”

I laughed and she realized she has been asking a lot of favours lately. “You’re right, sorry. Um…I’ll just ask someone else then.”

Erich grabbed my hand, “What is it? And then I’ll tell you if I do it.”

I showed her the letter in my hands. She took it from me easier than I thought. “I need you to read it for me. I just promised my parents that I was going to start moving forward and stop holding grudges against them. If I read this than that won’t happen. So I can’t read his words, and I can’t have this letter. Maybe if you read for me and tell me the gist of it?”

She nodded, “Sounds legal,” she laughed and I tried to smile. “Go and have some fun tonight, you deserve it.

I nodded and went to sit down with Beauty, Mel and Matt. Everyone else were scattered about. Matt put his arm around my shoulders, “So we have a heroine in our midst. You feeling better?” His tone was like a big brother.

I smiled, “Yeah. Much better.” I turned to look away and Mel came back to the couch with food. “Beauty, who are all these people?”

She laughed, “Not exactly sure. They’re in our grade, I know that much.” She looked wary.

At least I felt comfortable exactly where I was. I laughed a lot that night, courtesy to a brother-like friend, Matt and Mel. If I didn’t know any better they succeeded at changing my mind frame.

An hour passed and I realized that Erich still hadn’t come back yet, but I knew I shouldn’t worry since her new boyfriend was here. I decided to go and look for her. I found her in the room where we all used to have our sleepovers. She was on the king-sized bed crying in her boyfriend’s arms. “Is she okay?” I whispered.

A.J, her new boyfriend looked at me and nodded. He signalled me over and I obeyed. “I think you should take over,” he very smoothly put Erich against me and gave her a kiss on the head before leaving.

“What’s wrong, girly?” I asked her hair.

She laughed and sat up, “I’m sorry. This is so stupid. I was reading his letter to you and began crying.” She chuckled. “It’s a good thing you didn’t read it.” She wiped her eyes.

I smiled, “What did it say?” I was hesitant, and my voice shook.

Erich put the five pages back in its envelope. “Kim, as much as I hate him for leaving you, my heart really goes out to him now. These words, I literally felt them. He explains everything here and honestly, I can’t be mad at him.”

I sighed, “You’re really breaking my heart, best friend.” I said.

“Hey, you’re lucky I am your best friend, because after reading that letter, I’d be running after him for myself.” She laughed. “And now I feel like a fool. I’d appreciate it if AJ doesn’t figure out why I was crying.”

I nodded and pulled her up walking out. I spent the rest of my visit debating whether or not I should read his letter. I knew that maybe I should give him a chance, but after that phone call and the vow of moving on, I knew I wouldn’t be able to especially after Erich’s reaction.

I went home clutching the letter. With the way I was holding it, I was glad I wasn’t ripping it to shreds. I opened the door and I heard the low TV volume. I walked to the living room, and there was my Dad. He was sitting up watching a classic, black and white movie that we grew up watching. He looked up at me and smiled. “Do you wanna join me?”