I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and their skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try but I won't lie

- Hero/Heroine, Boys Like Girls

Hyunseung doesn’t want to complicate things more and so he pulled away immediately.

He honestly didn’t see it coming or even think it would be possible for Dujun to do that. He was startled and frozen for a moment before the puzzles were slowly forming in his mind. He was so scared that he may hurt Dujun, of all people he was the least on his list, not that Hyunseung is planning on hurting the people around him. It was just he treasures Dujun the most and he undeniably relies on him. What kind of a monster is he if he will hurt the latter?

Then he decided that he will ignore and pretend that it never happened. He will not mind that Dujun just kissed him and is absolutely not sending some jolts in him. He won’t care about the sudden rapid beating of his heart and breathes because apparently Dujun is now confusing him.

Dujun will always be his friend. He proved him more than enough already about how wonderful and grateful Hyunseung is for having him in his life. Hyunseung chose to ignore even if Dujun planed the otherwise.

“Seungie, look. I can really explain.”

What is there to explain? That it was just out of impulsiveness? Yes! Hyunseung preferred some answer like that than the ugly consequences of unrequited love.

“All these years, I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and composed despite the loud and massive thumping of my heart that only yearns for you. I tried so hard, so hard that it kills me every time I’m with you, I can’t openly say how I truly feel for you. I guess today I reached my limit point because I feel like bursting any moment now if I won’t confess to you.”

Uh-oh. Hyunseung widened his eyes in horror and at the same time the sadness took over him about how he is to hurt his special friend’s feelings. This is not what he wanted—not at all. Not another heartache because rejecting Jiyong-hyung every time the other tries to woo him, sends him in an utter oblivion and loneliness about how he didn’t mean to. In the end he will always regret but this is what he can only offer—friendship. Nothing more and nothing less. His heart was so long gone taken away from him by a certain someone and unfortunately hasn’t returned it yet to him.

Hyunseung wanted so badly to take his heart back yet he doesn’t know how to. He can’t simply return anybody else’s feelings when his own was still broken and lost and torn and destroyed and shattered and pure ugliness. He was so sorry and again, blaming his self for causing another trouble.

He simply doesn’t understand what the others see in him. He was nothing but a broken and incapable man yet they still want him for what? He doesn’t know. It’s not making him feel good at all instead he will only be guiltier than before.

“I love you, Hyunseung.”

“Please, don’t say it.” He whispered while looking away from Dujun’s piercing gaze.

He just doesn’t have the confidence to face another person he’s going to destroy.

“Please, take it back. I know you don’t really mean it. Please Dujunie? Not you of all people.”

“But I really love you! More than how my cousin can! More than how Jiyong can! More than anyone! I have always loved you—way before anybody else!”

This made him look straight at the face of Dujun full of hurt and sadness. His heart is suddenly at his throat and he doesn’t know what to say—what to do—how to cope—but he wanted an escape. He was not supposed to be loved by anyone. The only person he ever wanted, left him a long time ago which is proof enough how unloving he can be. Junhyung can’t even tolerate him that’s why he left. Hyunseung doesn’t deserve anyone. Especially someone so ideal like Dujun. Hyunseung is nothing but harm for him—nothing but an ugly spot that will only spoil and rot Dujun’s beautiful and flawless self. He just can’t drag him in his miserable life. Hyunseung needed to save his self first.

“I’m sorry.”

Because that’s all he can say.

“I’m really really sorry Dujunie. I can’t love you back. You know how I was, how I am and how will I be. How can someone like me be interesting for you? I am nothing. I don’t deserve you.”

“What are you saying? If there is anyone who is the strongest and loveliest person ever in this world for me, it would be you. I love you for exactly who you are.”

“Why? Why did you have to do this? I don’t want to hurt you. So please..” Hyunseung is starting to get frustrated with his self now but Dujun took him again by surprise with his sudden outburst.

“Did you really think I didn’t fight for it to not happen? I did! Even when Junhyung took you away from me! I let him because I know you’re truly happy. And I know how much you love each other. I just can’t take someone so precious from you but the bastard still chose to left you after I threatened him! Do you know how painful it is to see you crying and being helpless and moping around over my cousin’s departure? It was such a slap in my face that you would cry so hard for him—that you even tried to end your life for him. If only I can take away all of your pain but I can’t because you won’t allow me. I can only comfort you and make you feel that you are still wanted—that you will always be worthy. I really can’t help my self and not to fall for you. You already got me head over heels the first time I saw you. I bumped you once on your car during one of Gikwang’s party. I doubt you still remember that. And after that I can’t help my self anymore because I was already love struck. I did try but I can’t. So please don’t ask me to not love you because I simply can’t.”

It was also the first time he saw Dujun shedding his tears and it was because of him. Hyunseung was so damn guilty. He reached in for those wet cheeks and wiped away the tears with his trembling fingers.

“I am so sorry. I have no idea how much you’re suffering because of me. Please forgive me Dujunie.”

“There’s no need for you to apologize. You did nothing. It is not within your intention to hurt me and fall for Junhyung instead. I’m at fault too for not confessing to you first. And Junhyung is always better than me after all.” Dujun sent him a bitter smile.

It was the painful truth for him.

“Please don’t say that. I might have given my heart to him but it doesn’t mean that he is already better than you. You are an amazing person. If only I met you before I met him, then it would be my pleasure to love you.”

“But it didn’t happen. You already fell for him and I knew this will come. Don’t worry I’m somehow prepared for this. I knew you will always choose him.”

“You will always be my friend, Dujunie—always so special to me.”

“Did you just friendzone me? Now I know how it feels.” Dujun chuckled at his own attempt to lighten the mood.

“It’s not like that silly. It’s just..I’m still holding onto his promise. He said he will comeback and until the day I hear what he has to say for everything he let me through, then it’s the only time that I can truly move on..and maybe set my heart unto someone else. Until that day, will you wait for me? Can you wait for me? Because I can tell you it has no definite time and I don’t want to keep you waiting in vain as to how Junhyung is shamelessly making me.”

“I understand. I will remain your friend—exactly what you wanted and needed from me. I will always be here for you.” Dujun finally smiled at him genuinely and Hyunseung gladly returned the favor too.

He leaned in a l