Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay

- Stay, Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

Hyunseung groaned hardly as he opened his eyes completely. His head hurts like hell. He thinks it will split any moment now. Did he just have hangover? The bright sunrays coming from his window is not much of a help, neither his annoying alarm tone. Though it is winter break for now, he kept his phone on alarm to continue his duties in the house knowing their mom is almost not there all the time.

He set the device off and ran his hand through his messy hair for a little comfort.

Two unread messages also were on his notification bar: one from Jiyong and one from Gikwang. Weird, there is nothing from Junhyung. Usually he will get one for a simple good morning text.

Maybe he is still sleeping.

He read first the one from Jiyong telling that he had fun last night.

Oh yes. Speaking of last night, he doesn’t have a definite memory about the events. All he know was he spend the afternoon with his hyung at the movies and bowling then after that he went to get some drinks at a random bar. Knowing that Junhyung is performing later, he tried to leave but Jiyong beat him telling that he will drive him later but they need to get some drinks first. Being a light drinker, it didn’t take that long for him to get drunk. Everything after that was blur. They danced, drank more, talk more about he is not so sure what, drank again, dance again and he can’t really think anymore no matter how hard he tries.

. He even danced in public? He must be really drunk because a sober Hyunseung will never do that.

The other one from Gikwang made him confused.

Don’t forget to apologize to Junhyung.

Apologize for what?

Of course! Bravo head! He just missed Junhyung’s competition and maybe the other is already mad at him. He is such a terrible boyfriend.

This one, he sent a reply.

I will. I’m coming over at his apartment now.

Ignoring the throbbing pain from his head, he completely got up and stretch before making his way inside the bathroom.

His reflection was worse the same as his current mood. The bags under his puffy eyes are hideous. His hair was a complete mess. His skin was paler and lifeless than before. And worse was this bizarre feeling that he can’t really ponder what it is but something is telling him that he did some serious and all. He is being anxious about it and he doesn’t like the thought that Junhyung could be mad at him. But he can’t blame him. All he wants now was to fix this so he didn’t waste anymore time wandering for nothing.

Coming with Jiyong yesterday was a mistake—but a lesson was learned.

If for not yesterday he will not be sure of what he feels now. Jiyong made him realize that he was just infatuated by the other but he is not in love with him. There is a big difference. Because when he and Jiyong spent their time at the movies, it was not the same when he is with Junhyung. With Junhyung, he could laugh and make fun about anything stupid that is not related to the movie they’re watching yet Junhyung will join him later. Meanwhile Jiyong will form his reasons as to why he is right and Hyunseung’s stupid accusations are plainly stupid at all. When Junhyung held his hand, he felt like they were puzzles fit together. They naturally find its way and be still for how long as they want. When Jiyong held his hand, he felt trapped and a little bit perplexed. Being with Jiyong is just not as natural as he can be when being with Junhyung. They are two different guys and the only common thing with them is that they both love him. He is just not so sure how much but he can see the effort Junhyung placed to keep their relationship sailing. And Hyunseung is a fool for doing a stupid mistake.

He just hopes he was not yet too late to repair what was broken.

Junhyung greeted him with a surprised yet unusual look. He looked lifeless and sad. Hyunseung just wanted to hug him tight and tell him he’s so sorry for everything. That he is so stupid for doing it.

. What have I done?

“Jun?” Hyunseung said softly, feared that Junhyung will lash out of him.

“Come in.” The other said coldly not looking directly at Hyunseung’s pleading eyes.

Hyunseung stepped in and made his way towards the living room’s couch. He was nervous but he needed to man up if he still wants to keep Junhyung in his life. Junhyung took the other seat across from him.

See? He didn’t even sit beside me. I am so screwed. I hope he will not stay mad at me for a long time.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunseung started carefully again.

“Just say to me why you did it.” And now Junhyung is looking straight at him. As if he would try to lie, the other can clearly catch him.

Hyunseung let out a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll explain everything. Please hear me out.”

Junhyung nodded his head for response. This has been the most cold shoulder he ever had from him. What else does he expect? He freakin disappointed his boyfriend for not coming over a very important gig in his life.

“Yesterday I decided I will stroll the town because I would like to surprise you for your birthday tomorrow. Now, it wouldn’t be a surprise at all since I already told you. But whatever. I need to tell you everything. I didn’t take Geeks with me because this one is something personal. I want to do it myself for you since you’ve done a lot of things for me. I want to play truce for once you know. And then when I stopped by at a bakeshop, Jiyong-hyung showed up. I didn’t plan for it believe me.” He paused for a moment just to take in Junhyung’s reaction. Seeing him still stiff and cold as before, Hyunseung continued.

“He said he was on a winter break too and asked me for a drink. I said I can’t but he insisted. He said he just wanted to spend some time with me, making up for the good all days from the past. Eventually, I agreed but that I need to be back before six for your performance. We went to the cinema house and later at the bowling alley.” Hyunseung lip his lower lip for what he will say after is freaking the hell out of him.

“I admit that we held hands, I know we shouldn’t so I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.”

He swallowed the lumped formed at his throat as he saw Junhyung reacting for the first time. His eyebrows were furrowed like how he unconsciously do when he is at sleep.

“I’m sorry also for neg