The skies were gray and it seemed like it would rain. And in a day like this, all he could think about was you. He took a sip from the cup of coffee resting in front of him, before turning to the window again, with his chin resting on his hand.

Taehyung was just sitting there, staring past the window separating him from the world. He sat there, watching people pass by him. You would think he'll be recognized, being an idol and all; but with his simple attire today, a simple white v-neck shirt, black Ray Ban shades and dark denim pants, people wouldn't think he's BTS' V.

He was just watching people walk by, pass by, when something, or rather someone, caught his attention. A girl wearing a simple white dress and black sneakers, her hair was up in a messy bun and she was carrying this brown messenger bag on her shoulder. It was you. His gaze followed you until you enter the café across where he was. You sat on the couch, which was right across him. But of course, you had no idea he was there.

Unknown to you, he's been doing this for some time now, watching you like that. He missed you. He missed you so much and it's hurting him, not being able to see like he used to, not being able to talk to you like he used to. You were just, or rather, you are still his everything. However there was nothing he could do but watch you in silence.

--It was supposed to be just another rest day in the dorm. BTS was busy with promotions and today was the only day they had to rest. 

Taehyung was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. You sent him a text message, saying you'll be coming over. And he's excited to see you, After all, it's been almost two months since you last saw each other face to face and he missed you so much. He smiled at the thought of finally seeing you again, after all the tiring promotions. There was a knock on the door.

"It's open." He said.

The door opened with a slight squeak. "Hey, it's me."

He quickly sat up and stared at you. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming that you were actually standing in his room. He had this weird feeling in his gut, he didn't know what it was but he found himself standing from the bed and walking slowly towards you. His heart was racing, like it was going to pop out of his chest any minute. He stopped right in front of you, your faces just a few inches part. You were smaller than him, and he was looking down at you, staring at you dazzling eyes. He sighed, before finally mustering the courage to pull you in a tight hug.

"I missed you." He mumbled, nuzzling you hair. But then, he felt you weren't hugging him back and it baffled him. He pulled away, giving a short distance. He stared into your eyes again, and then he noticed something different in your eyes, like you just finished crying. And it's scaring him. He didn't know if he did anything wrong, anything to hurt. "Are you okay?"

You pulled away, closed the door, and sat on the bed. "I have to tell you something."

If he was scared before asking you if you were okay, now he's terrified. He's not sure what to expect but he did what was asked of him, he walking towards the bed and sat beside you. At that minute, he's sweating more than he ever did before, more than any time before he had a performance. At that time, his mind was reeling with a thousand different scenarios. "Ugh wh-w-what i-s it?" He stuttered.

You took his hand but you were looking down and he can't see your face. He lifted you face, but you wouldn't look at him."Are you okay?" He asked.

You heaved a deep sigh. "Do you think I'm holding you back?"

Well he didn't expect that question. That's one thing for sure. "Huh? What made you think that?"

"Everything." You said.

"What?" Okay, now he's really confused. How could you even think that? After all, you were one of the people who encouraged him to enter the business. Hell, you were there on his audition day, giving him the moral support he needed.

You looked away, wiped a tear slipping down your cheek. You sighed again before facing. "Tae, you're a celebrity now."

Now he just couldn't understand what was going on. "Yeah, so? Does that change anything?"

"Yeah!" You snapped. "You're freaking V, Taehyung. A-and I'm just me. And being with me--" You paused. And your pause was killing him. "--you're holding back."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm holding you back." You repeated.

"No, you're not." He chuckled nervously. "You're my inspiration. You're the reason why I'm here."

"Yes, I am, I'm holding you back! Can't you see it?" You argued.

"See what?" He snapped back. You were not making any sense. He never felt like you were hold him back. In all honesty, you were his inspiration. When performing in front of all the fans, all he could think about was, you were watching him and that you're proud of what he's accomplished.  Or that he was performing in front you, that you were the only watching him.

"You're holding back and you know it! You just didn't want to admit it!" You practically yelled at him.

He took a step back. Your words pierced through his heart. In reality, he knew what you were talking about but he's such a coward and he just couldn't admit it. He was holding back because he was scared he might hurt you, and he loved you too much to hurt you. Tears were forming in the corner of his eyes, and his heart was pumping like crazy, like it's going to burst.

You stepped closer to him, wiping the tear that slipped from his eye. "See, you now what I mean." You mumbled weakly.

You took his hands again, and held it close to you. "I need to let you go Tae." His eyes widened with what you said. He felt like a thousand guns shot his heart, he felt his knees growing weak. And now, tears were just running down his cheeks, he couldn't keep it in anymore. "You need to let me go too."

He shot up and stared at your tearful eyes. "I'm sorry Tae, but your career needs 100% of your focus and being with me, I'm not helping."

He left like another thousand bullets shot his heart. He was growing weaker and weaker. The tears were just falling and he didn't care anymore.

You hugged him. "Thank you. It's been wonderful. But as of now, you need to focus on your career." You mumbled against his chest. You pulled away, planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Kim Taehyung. I'll always will." You whispered and back away.

He watched as you walk out of his room, and he didn't bother stopping you because he knows it would be useless. Seeing that you already made up your mind, there was nothing more he could do. 

He fell to his knees the moment you closed the door shut. He cried because he had to let you go in order to pursue his dream, the dream you helped him achieve. He cried because he loved you too but as soon as you told you were letting him go, all his strength left him and he wasn't able to tell you how much you mean the world to him. He cried because at the time that he needed to be brave, he chickened out and let you walk away.--

Taehyung felt someone nudge him, he turned to see Jungkook standing beside him. "Hyung, I've been calling for a while now."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He apologized before turning to your direction again. "I was preoccupied." 

"You could just talk to her you know." Jungkook said as he took the seat in front of Taehyung. "You still love her."

Taehyung sighed. "I'll always love her." He mumbled loud enough for Jungkook to hear.

Indeed it was true. Taehyung never stopped loving you. He continued to love you up until now. You were his first love, and he also wanted you to be his last.

Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Then why don't you just talk to her? You were friends before being in a relationship right? Don't friends talk?"

"It's not that easy. She's moved on and happy." His voiced filled with so much sadness. "And I clearly haven't."

"Then why didn't you stop her then?" Jungkook's questions were starting to annoy Taehyung. One, because he already explained to him like a gazillion times before. Two, because this nosy maknae might do something stupid like talking to you on his hyung's behalf. But Taehyung understood where Jungkook's coming from, after all the maknae knows that his hyung still loves you very much. 

"Because, I love her too much to let her stay." He paused and let out a deep sigh.

"Then talk to her now! Maybe you could get back together, and we'll all be happy like before!" Jungkook said with so much enthusiasm in his voice, that makes Taehyung want to choke the life out of his adorable yet very persistent dongsaeng.

"If I talk to her now, I'll be the one holding her back." He faked a smile. "And as I've said, she's happy."

"But don't you regret it?" The question made Taehyung turn his attention to Jungkook. He cocked an eyebrow at the younger. "Letting her go just like that?"

Taehyung sighed and faked another smile before turning his attention back to you. "Every single day."

He never wanted to let you go. He regretted not stopping you from walking away that time. He regretted not telling you how much he really loves you. He regretted letting you walk away from him when all he wanted to do was hug you tight and keep you with him. He was in regret ever since he let you, let him go. And not being able to talk to you since then, the pain was excruciating. 

"What's with the sulking?" A voice said from the back, who seemed to be Jimin.

"Hyung's watching her again." Jungkook answered.

"Dude just talk to her." Jimin encouraged.

Taehyung shook his head. "Nah I'm good." His answer made Jimin and Jungkook roll their eyes, but of course he wouldn't know because he was so busy watching you.

"Oh yeah. Manager-hyung called, saying we need to go to the company for something." Jimin said before dashing out of the café.

Jungkook stood up and picked up his bag from the floor. "Hyung?"

"Yeah sure. I'll be there."

"Okay." Jungkook walked away and was almost at the door when he noticed Taehyung was not beside him. "Hyung! Let's go!" He yelled as he opened the door.

Taehyung just nodded.

"Hyung!" He heard the younger yell. He took a few more seconds staring at you before standing up. He saw a guy walk to your table, how you stood up and give that guy a hug. It made me jealous, and oh how he missed you warm embrace. 

However right now, there was nothing he could do but watch you by the sidelines as you lived your life without him in it.

Taehyung smiled halfheartedly. "Good bye, beautiful."  He mumbled as he looked away from you and walking out of the café.

(03/26/14)

I posted two drabbles tonight, you might wanna check out the one before this. :)

This is probably the longest drabble I ever made, 1951 words. Wew. Usually my drabbles are just 1300 words more or less anw. It took me a few days to finish this cause every time I try to type, I end up crying. Oh btw, this is loosely based on What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts.

SUBSCRIBE. COMMENT. UPVOTE. Thank you! :) - RiksiRixa