In our story, there is a beginning, a middle, and an end.
What was written were our deepest thoughts and most precious memories.
Eventually the pages will run out. 
In time, the ink will dry.
but until then,
I'll keep writing. Our past, Our present and Our future
The life and love we've created.

Hayoung's point of view

My ear was numb as I laid my feverish head against the chilled window, watching the falling snow. There was few people sleeping in the cart, accompanied by the low rumbling of the train tracks. For hours, I have stared out into the darkness, watching the snow drift to the ground and when I finally saw the lights of my destination; Seoul train station, I couldn't help but feel my heart tighten. I was nervous and afraid. 

Stepping down the platform, luggage in one hand and map in the other, the cold hit me terribly. My breath was stiff under the wool muffler that wrapped around my neck and my hands felt frozen. Quickly walking towards the nearest taxi, I greeted the warm heater as I sat down.

Stiffly moving, I reached out for the letter and showed the printed address of the school to the driver. The man looked at the numbers and nodded as he quickly pressed glowing buttons in a white screen. I watched in curiosity, wondering what he was doing. Once he started driving, not a word was spoken. I was grateful he wasn't talkative.

I knew if I tried to converse in this condition, I was sure I'd bite my tongue off from my chattering teeth. The silence was pleasant as I continued to observe the unfamiliar city, and it's bright lights. Everything was so different compared to home. There was no grass nor rocky roads. The sky was blocked by the large glass buildings and hundreds of people were clustered at every corner. Slowly, I felt my eyelids grow heavy and my body thawing from the heater. I drifted to sleep as I remembered the morning that had placed me in this city, alone.

.............................

The cafeteria was busy with kindergardeners, laughing and chatting among themselves as the teachers rounded them up with a finger to their lips, trying to calm them down. I was sitting in a corner with Sung-mi, my best friend as we watched the class of children running up and down the seats until the teachers were panting and sweating along with them. We have volunteered to chaperone the kindergardeners in their field trip to the museum of natural science, but it already felt we were observing an exhibit.

Kim Youngchul, another childhood friend of mine, sat next to me, ruffling my hair. "Hey, Hayoung." I clicked my tongue in protest, fixing the mess he created. Smiling, he turned towards his sister." Sung-mi, mom called. She said you have to come home early today, its your turn to wash dishes at the restaurant. "Ugh!" Sung-mi protested. "No way oppa, mom is so annoy-. She stopped halfway and looked at me, "Sorry Hayoung..." I gave a practiced smile that I used whenever they felt they had offended me of being an orphan. I didn't mind them talking about their parents but I guess thats how people react to me...sympathetic.

Finally, when the cafeteria was quiet again, and the teachers managed to seat all the children, the speakers noisily. The principal had started the regular morning announcements, following with reminders to the faculty. Absentminded,  I looked out towards the chipped paint on the ceiling. So engrossed in the patterns of the rigid specks, I barely heard my name called.

Sung-mi nudged my arm, returning me back to awareness. Standing up, I walked to the wooden doors of the cafeteria and greeted the cold wind immediately. Shivering, I walked along the outdoor hallway to the office, unhappy with the powerful breeze pressing against me.

Inside was warm as I took off my red coat and hung it on a metal hook. Mrs. Sung, an elderly women with smile lines and gray hair, greeted me from the behind the desk as she lifted a finger towards the principals office. I thanked her as I opened the door slowly. 

In the black arm chair, the principal, a small bald man, also known as the headmaster of the orphanage greeted me. "Hello, Mr. Soh." I sat carefully on the long couch besides him, folding the scarf on my lap. He smiled kindly as he offered hospitality. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please." The hot steam from the coffee seemed appetizing in a cold winter. Standing up, he moved to a small stand by his desk. The clanking of the spoon against the glass, and the buzzing heater below our feet were the only sounds. He placed the cup on the table, warning me not to burn myself. Taking it with cation, I gladly held it against my numb fingertips, thankful for the needed warmth. His expression was tense, unusual.

"Mr. Soh...is something wrong?" I asked, worried. He nodded slowly, looking away. " I just don't know how to approach this." He sighed as he sat back down, defeated. My eyebrow raised, confused... "What do you mean?" 

His teeth gritted against each other as he looked towards the ground. "You know, this place is old and falling apart. Soon I'll have to close down if it keeps going this route. Its not like how it used to be." I could sense the melancholy in his voice. "Im sure if we raise some money, we could pay for the repairs and the debt." He shook his head. "Its a lot more then what a fundraiser can manage."

I bit my lip, thinking of the financial state this place was in. We could barely afford to pay the teachers now. Mr. Soh looked up at me with a sad smile. " But a few days ago, someone came to me offering to help." Immediately, I smiled. " that's grea-"  I began to realize it had something to do with me. Understanding that I had a part in this, I remained quiet, not sure of how  I was involved. He stared at me, a expression similar to what most adults gave me, sympathy. "This isn't your home anymore." 

 My heart burned at those words. I didn't understand what he meant. This was the place I have lived my entire life, ever since I could remember and it was no longer my home? "What's going on?" He stood up, walking towards the window behind his desk. His face, stained with grimace, watched the falling snow.

Subconciously, I felt as if I knew what he was about to say. "It wasn't my choice. You know I think of you as my own daughter." I swallowed nervously, unused to his serious aura. "A few days ago, the bank called, saying that someone had paid all our debts under an unknown name. This morning, the social services came with the documents of your adoption, saying you were no longer allowed to stay here."  

Tears began to form in the corner of my eyes. "Wait! How can we just trust this person?" I asked, terrified. "This is some stranger that had practically bought me, and I'm just going to be handed over like that?" My voice couldn't hide the disbelief. "There is nothing I can do. I no longer hold custody of you. All that I was told was that I must give you this." He turned towards the drawer, pulling out a large envelope.

Inside the manila folder was an alarming amount of money, a letter, and a train ticket to Seoul. "Hayoung, I believe this may be a chance for you to meet someone who knew your parents." I closed my eyes, hoping to make sense of what was happening. I knew I had to leave eventually but so suddenly like this... I was scared.

Wanting to reject it all, I felt my heart beat quickening under my chest. First disbelief, then anger, and then realization. My home would be stripped away, the one place I knew my entire life. There was nothing I could do. If I stayed, I would cause the orphanage to close and if I left, I'd be all alone. Opening my eyes, I saw how aged Mr. Soh had gotten, this man I saw as my only father figure, this man that took care of me since I was a child.

His smile was weary and I could see the mental fatigue he felt. Somewhere inside, deep within my soul, I had already made up my mind. I needed to become strong, to learn how to depend on myself. Even if I was terrified, even if it didn't make sense to me, I had to do it. I had to go. All the other children needed the orphanage. I breathed deeply, promising myself that I would not regret this decision.

Looking away from the floor and into Mr. Soh's dark and elderly eyes, I felt the pain wrap around my chest tightly. "I will leave."

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