I couldn't breath. The walls were closing in on me, squeezing my body painfully. I felt my bones breaking, my limbs twisting. It hurts. Tighter and tighter, my body became numb. My eyes were closing...I was dying.

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I jerked up, grasping the bedsheets. Panting, I felt my heart jumping out it's cavity. Clutching my neck, I sighed in relief, realizing I was in my room. Soon-Bok was sleeping soundly on the other side. Looking out of the window, the snow had stopped falling. I shivered in cold sweat, touching my burning face. The clock glowed four in the morning. Weakly, I stood up. Finding a sweater on the closet, I tiredly put in on. I needed some air.

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In the greenhouse, I sat in the center, on the stone bench. I peered around, admiring the icicles on the trees. Everything was completely white, buried in snow.

I breathed deeply, the cold awakening my inner buzz. I pulled the silver ring out of my pocket again, my fingers tracing over the engraved words. "When can I give this to you?" I sighed. I my phone, a message from DongHyun hyung popped up.

We are having a last minute rehearsal for the Centennial tonight. Don't miss it.

I gasped silently, recalling today was finally the day of the performance. I began to worry, wondering if Hayoung would be alright. I shut my eyes, removing the glasses from my face. Why do you always make me worry about you?

I snapped head up at the sound of splitting twigs. She was wearing a bright red sweater, contrasting against the sparkling white snow. 

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I felt my legs tremble. "Youngmin..." My voice was frail, nervous at his indecipherable expression. He stood out against the white snow, in a bright blue jacket. Even though the snow glistened under the christmas lights like tiny stars, I could only see him. He was breathtaking. Dazzling blond hair that shined like silk, his perfectly pale smooth skin. I bit my lip, still unused the radiance.

I silently sat besides him, cautiously distancing myself. I suddenly remembered the kiss. I blushed, not knowing what to do. He had seen it, he had seen Kwangmin's lips on mine. Even if it didn't matter to him, I didn't want him to see that. "About the kiss.." I began. He twitched slightly. "I..." He turned, facing me. "Can I be honest?" He asked stiffly. I winced.

Of course he didn't care... my feelings were just one sided. 

I already convinced myself it was silly to hope there was a chance. I shut my eyes, waiting painfully for the truth. 

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Something kept tugging on my heartstrings. It kept trying to pull out my feelings, wanting to reveal everything. The entire time I had been fighting it, trying to keep my emotions hidden but a part of me wanted to give everything away. I wanted to tell her, I hated it when she smiled at anyone other then me. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her al to myself but I was afraid she would reject me. I have always been afraid....but somehow I began to loosen my grip, letting the strings slip, one by one. I wanted her to know the truth.

"I hate it...." I looked at her. "I hate how anxious I feel when you are away from me. I hate how I am never able to stop thinking about you. I hate how weak I feel when see you cry. When Kwangmin kissed you...I wanted to rip him apart. I hate that someone else's lips were on yours. You're supposed to be mine. I..." I felt the strings snapping as all my emotions began to flow out of my heart. 

My gaze became gentle." I...hate how I can't stop myself from loving you.." 

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Time became still. In that greenhouse, it felt as if everything was frozen, like the icicles hanging on the dead branches. I stared at Youngmin's pained eyes, completely engulfed in confusion, uncertainty and bewilderment. My heart halted, then slowly began to restart. Each beat a little faster, a little stronger. I couldn't grasp reality. I should have been trilled, but instead, my chest began to ache uncontrollably. No matter where I went, the people around me were always in pain.

Because of me, they experience tears. Hate. Regret. Without trying to stop the tears, they plopped down my lap. Youngmin gently pulled me towards him. Dont...don't treat me any kinder. Please...

Even though I didn't want him to hold me, to show affection to someone as corrupt as me, I couldn't break away. I longed for him. I longed for his touch.

My mind was crumbling to ruins. Who did I truly love? Was it Kwangmin? Or is it Youngmin? My soul, heart and head were splitting to pieces, confused and desperate. Dear god, help me. Take away this agony from me.

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I wiped her tears as she silently cried in my arms. The moment I released everything I kept bottled up inside, I felt the weight lift slowly from my shoulders. Perhaps it was then, I found the answer.

I looked into her moist eyes. "Hayoung..Who your heart calls to isn't something you can control or deny. When you have found your true self, and when you understand who you truly love...I will be waiting." I leaned towards her, gently kissing her forehead. I pulled the ring out of my pocket, gently placing it on her finger. "I love you."