If I were to describe how I felt of my life, it'd probably be along the lines of being in a state of numbness. This paralyzing emotion I felt when I lost my memories and had discovered I had no family was something I had grown used to. This emptiness, this burden of questioning who I was... it had started to become me. No matter where I went or what I did, I couldn't rid myself of it.

Until, I met them... I never haven fall in love, nor could I understand it. Truthfully, I didn't want to. The only thing I knew was that it would hurt when it was over. How could I understand? I was robbed of the chance when I was left behind at the wooden gates of the orphanage. 

Even so...what was this I felt whenever I saw the two brothers? How is it that my heart could be so light and then so heavy? 

I was scared, confused and pained at this new emotions.

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The cafe started to fill quickly as more people crowded the lobby. Music, dancing, and scattered students loitered the halls. I have never been in a placed filled with so many people and so much activity. My head started to spin from the noise, unused to the pouring energy. Dizzy, I bit my lip trying to keep myself from fainting. My eyes widened when Youngmin gently held my arm.

"Are you alright?" His eye flickered, tinted with worry as I began to feel trapped under those deep auburn eyes. Whenever I looked at him, my heart would immediately begin to hurt. I felt guilty for no reason, anxious. "I'm fine." I looked away from him, forcing my heart to calm down.

" You should see if you have anything classes together, they could help you." Joori commented, gesturing towards the twins. Kwangmin's expression lit up. "You got your schedule?" He said, smiling lightly. 

"Yes, but it's a bit confusing on the map." Youngmin studied the schedule, coordinating it with the black and white copy of the school. "Since we are separated by department, if you just find your building, you'll be fine. The way the school works is almost like a training camp. You stay with one class for the entire year, training and learning together, in hopes to perform at the centennial festival on January."

"Centennial festival?" I asked, wondering what that was. "The Centennial festival is the biggest event in our school. Its the celebration of the new year. Producers and agencies usually come to scout future stars, plus it's presented on television for the public."

My nerves went numb."That sounds...."  I couldn't hide the worry in my voice. "We performed already last year, that's how we got scouted." Kwangmin mentioned. "Scouted? You guys were what?" My oblivion was honest. "Wait...Hayoung, you dont know who these guys are?" Joori asked with a raised eyebrow.

" Um, aren't they brothers?" I asked, confused. She laughed, sighing. "No, not that. You really don't know?" Her amazement was vivid in her entertained expression. "Sorry...I don't know." I confessed.  Joori laughed in disbelief. " What kind of life did you have in the country side?" "I pouted, agitated and a bit offended. Flinching, I was surprised to see Youngmin's sudden white smile appear before my eyes.

" We're members of Boyfriend." He pulled his phone out of his pocket, scrolling and clicking at it, later waving the screen at me. I immediately recognized the twins besides each other. "Eh?" I studied the album cover of the twins and the other three I didn't know. I suddenly felt embarrassed. "Im hurt." Youngmin joked. Kwangmin looked at me, his expression unreadable.

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I was shocked when Hayoung said she didn't know who we were. At first, my pride was damaged, but then I began to feel a fluttery lightness in my chest. Every person I knew, besides my brother and the othermembers, would put on a fake show, pretending to care about us when they just wanted to say they knew a celebrity. Eventually, I had shut off any real attachment to anyone, not trusting them, concluding that everyone had a secret motive, but then I realized that she was different. As someone who didnt care for popularity, or fame, she lived life purely, truthfully. Glancing at Youngmin, I spoke with my eyes, unable to decipher my thoughts into words.  "What kind of girl was she?" Yongmin smirked, also fascinated. "A rare one."

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I felt guilty but also glad that I didn't know. If I had, I was sure I would not have been able to speak as comfortably with them as I was now. Then I understood that this complicated feelings for the twins were probably because I just admired them. They were beautiful and each radiated with the ability to draw a person in..just like idols to a fan.

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"Since it's the last day of break, we should go somewhere." Joori suggested. Youngmin and Kwangmin agreed quickly, "Sure, we have nothing to do today anyways." Joori clapped her hands together, pleased. She turned towards me, smiling similar to a child that wanted something. "Unnie, what about you?" Nodding my head, I also accepted a day to sightsee the city. "Sure, but there's a place I want go."

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The busy streets were crowded and filled with people buying gifts for christmas. As we stepped off the bus, Joori had her arm linked around mine, bouncing and humming to herself. She reminded me of the children in the orphanage. Perhaps that was why I felt at easy whenever she was around.

She stopped suddenly pointing at the store I have been looking for. "Ah, is this it?" I looked through the glass. It was filled with men's clothing and accessories. "Yup! but how come's you wanted to come here?" Joori asked in suspicion. "Its christmas soon, and I wanted to buy a gift for someone before school starts. I;m afraid I won't have time other wise." Joori smiled "Someone like a boyfriend?" I laughed at the ridiculous comment. "Nothing like that."

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 Confused as to why Hayoung wanted to visit a men's retail store, I followed curiously behind. "Kwangmin, what do you think ?" I whispered. My twin scratched his head, also perplexed. As we caught up to them, we heard Joori mention the word boyfriend. Both looking at each other, I leaned towards Kwangmin, speaking softly. " Boyfriend" as in Boyfriend, or as in an actual boyfriend?" I caught myself, surprised. Why was I worried over this? I cleared my throat, unsure as to why I was so bothered. 

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Inside, the smell was similar to aftershave. It reminded me of Mr. Soh. When Joori suggested going out, I had wanted to go shopping for gifts since I had quite some money to spend and the first person I wanted to get a gift for was Mr. Soh. If he received a present from me, he'll know that I was alright and that I was doing fine. As the last thank you gift, I wanted to express my gratitude for all he had done for me through out the years. The suits and the button-down shirts were so different from the marketplace that I used to see. They were so detailed and refined compared to the simple cheap market merchandise.

Walking around, Joori had distracted herself in the men's accessories. She probably wanted to buy that man at the counter a christmas present as well. I silently wished her luck as I left her alone, also in pursuit of finding a respectable present.

Continuing to search, I observed everything, wondering what would be the perfect gift. At the center of the store something clear and sparkly caught my eyes. I walked closer to the glass stand, peering at the beautiful twin cologne bottles. They were small and in form of the word "Honor" but separated into two. One bottle had clear blue liquid and the other bright yellow. Smelling them, it was almost like a perfume but a bit muskier, manlier. Holding these two together, I immediately thought of the twins and there names. YoungKwang... Honor. Looking to see if they were around, I found them by Joori, trying on hats and ties. Quickly I made the purchase of the twin colognes and the starch white button down, hiding the blue and yellow crystal bottles at the bottom of the bag.

Rejoining them, I waved the shiny white bag at them. Leaving the store, because of the cold weather, we searched for a ramen house, craving hot noodles in a cosy shop. Following Kwangmin, he said he knew a place close by that they and the members would go whenever they trained at JYPE. I couldnt help but notice people glanced and stared at the us. I wondered if it was my imagination, but then I remembered that they were celebrities. It was strange to imagine them as idols  but when swarms of girls were taking photos of them and asking for autographs, I realized they really were famous." Screaming and shouting, the fans surrounded us, pushing me and Youngmin apart from Kwangmin and Joori.

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I grabbed Hayoung's hand firmly as I pushed against the crowd, running from the fans. Tightly holding her hand, we kept running until we were out of breath. Finally losing them, I slowed down, tired. Recognizing my hand was still wrapped around her's, I let go, apologizing. "Sorry!"

Hayoung shook her head in silence as she sat down, catching her breath. Worried I studied at her, wondering if she was upset. Suddenly, she started laughing, her voice beaming with charm. Her eyes became bright as she covered with her hand. Giggling, she gazed at me warmly. Her cheeks flushed with excitement, were rosy pink against her pale skin. My heart spun and jolted as my body grew feverish. I blushed for the first time.