Jiyoon woke up to the empty space beside her on the bed, the bitter scene she had been slowly getting familiar with lately. Nothing was heard about him, completely nothing. There’s no him anymore, or maybe he’d just never been there at all from the start. Her hand made its way to grab her phone and checked it just to see nothing had been received from him. She snorted.

What do you expect, Jiyoon-ah? He even blocked your number, the voice in her mind quipped.

She was being left unnoticed for more than a week, having all her calls unanswered and hundreds of messages unread. The biggest joke was when she realized that her number had been blocked by him in the night before. His total disappearance made her questioning on her own and in none of those days she could ever find the answer.

She hurriedly got up and skipped out of her room after hearing her name being called. “Yes, Appa?” she approached him who was busy tightening his tie.

“Are you going out today? I might be coming home late tonight. I’ll be-“

He couldn’t finish his words since Jiyoon had already gone to the bathroom in a flash, vomiting as how she’d been doing in the last few days. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, Appa. What were you talking about?” Jiyoon wiped , still panting from the effort she just had.

“Go see the doctor today. I’m tired of you vomiting from time to time,” he replied.

Jiyoon weakly smiled. “I’m okay. I just don’t feel well lately. A bit more rest will do. Moreover, I’m trying to reduce my consumption of meds these days.”

“However I still recommend you to go because I’m serious with my words just now. You’re just torturing your stomach if you don’t stop that. You need a cure,” argued him. “I’m going now. Take care. Just call me if you need anything.” He then left after leaving a peck on her forehead.

Jiyoon was standing frozen behind the closed door. Cure, yes, I need a cure, but it’s no longer there.

******

Jiyoon sipped her hot camomile tea she had ordered at her favorite café that afternoon. The bothered mind of her wouldn’t let her had some rest. She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping the jazz music playing in the café could ease her stress any bit. Her anxiousness which made her kept checking her phone every few minutes had cost her a worse frustration.

“Jiyoon-ah?” a familiar voice startled her who was looking through the window. The figure was standing beside the coffee table in front of her, holding his own full cup of drink.

“Oh my God, Oppa. I don’t think I will recognize you with that dark brown hair.” Jiyoon looked at him in disbelief. “Have a seat,” told her.

The guy did what he was told to. His face was fully occupied by the widest smile of him she had ever seen. “How are you? How come you haven’t contacted me for years?”

Jiyoon chuckled lowly, “Things just go as they wish.” She shrugged. “Why should I? You’re exaggerating. It’s even less than a month. You can always contact me first though.”

“Haish, you’re still the same,” he complained. “Things don’t seem going well for you, huh?”

“I’ve said they go as they wish, not as my wish,” replied her. “It’s not that important anyway.” She tried to prevent him from digging them all out. “It’s nothing,” she restated it before taking a sip of her tea.

The guy was about to speak when Jiyoon gave him a sign to hold his words before she hurriedly went to the toilet, vomiting again. “I’m sorry, Oppa. I have troubles with my stomach lately,” she apologized right away as she’s back on her seat. “The nausea is killing me, really.”

“Have you visited a doctor?” he worriedly asked. His expression had turned darker from the news she told him.

Jiyoon shook her head. “Nah, I’m fine. I can still do things around. Don’t worry too much, Chanhee.”

“How can I not? It’s you. I haven’t heard about you nor met you and you turned out to be like this, being out and sick,” told him.

The awkward silence couldn’t be avoided. “Thank you, Oppa. I appreciate that. But still, you shouldn’t worry too much about me. Don’t burden yourself, just saying.”

“You’re not and you will never ever be a burden to me. You should know that,” he insisted.

“Well, thank you.” She smiled to create a better atmosphere. “I haven’t got to ask you the same question. How are you doing?”

“Not bad, my friend offered me to start a small business and I’m currently thinking about that. I just came back from a meeting with him,” answered him. “And yeah, being honest I miss you, a lot.” He hesitantly looked at her in the eyes.

Her reflex broke the stare, drown in a deep guilt on the fact that she still belonged to Changjo no matter what. “Hope you make the best out of it,” she said. “I really miss you all. How are the others doing?” a brilliant idea to implicitly dag any information about Changjo had just popped in her mind.

“The others are doing fine, but we haven’t got much time to gather after Japan. Everyone’s getting busy again. Annoying, I know. I feel grateful to accidentally meet you here without the necessity to make any arrangement first. It’s a blessing. I hope I can accidentally meet the others after this,” he laughed. “Oh, but I haven’t heard anything from Changjo. Well, none of us have. He hasn’t appeared on our group chat for more than a week, I think. None of us could contact him.”

Her heart sank deep. All of her high hopes to get news about him had fell deep down harshly and buried. “What happened to him?” she stupidly asked again despite the answer he had given her previously. “I haven’t heard anything from him after I went home first.”

Chunji helplessly shrugged. “We really have no idea about this. We’ve all tried calling him, but there’s no response. Ricky visited his house once, but he’s not home. The security man had no idea whereabouts either. His family wasn’t there also, leaving the house empty. I think he went for a business trip with his family, but my feeling said that this time is more than just a usual business trip somehow.”

“Oh,” was the respond of her who was left speechless about it. “I hope you can get in contact with him anytime soon,” wished her. “It really to have one of your close friends missing,” she added.

“He’s not our friend. He’s our brother, despite the fact he’s so damn annoying every single time.” Chunji smiled slightly as he looked away outside. “I miss him.”

I miss him more than you all do, she replied in her mind. “Chanhee, I think I have to go home now.”

“Do you mind if I accompany you?” he politely asked. “I’m just worried after knowing that you’re not well right now.”

Jiyoon remembered how uneasy Changjo was every time she got in touch with Chunji. She got up and smiled to him. “I’m fine, Chanhee, really.”

“Now I beg you.” He already gripped her arm as he stared at her, dead serious with his words.

She was pulled between two sides, Chunji’s beg and the promise she had to keep to Changjo. She stayed quiet for a moment, thinking hard. She got to decide. “Maybe later,” added by a faint smile were enough to make him disappointed.

******

Jiyoon ended up back on her bed that day, daydreaming again. What happen to you, Changjo?

The portrait of him worrying as hell every time they talked about his family appeared in her mind. The insisting words of him not wanting to go home, Teen Top’s talk about him and his family matters, and then the disappearance of him at the final end slowly made her come to the conclusion that it wasn’t just about his relationship with her, but it’s about him. There’s something going on with him.   

Her phone flashed on from the incoming message, giving enough excitement for her to form a smile on her face. But the smile only stayed there for less than five seconds. It was Chunji asking if she had arrived home. “Yes,” was the only word she replied to him.

And this guy came back around, she sighed as she remembered her unplanned meeting with him. She already broke him once and definitely not going twice or thrice. She had hurt him enough. But unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to make him giving up on her.

It was once again proved in a split second. Another message from him arrived. “Have a rest. Call me if you need help or anything else. I’ll be glad to be there for you, and always will be.”

His explicit care for Jiyoon caused her to choke. She had hurt him enough, yet she had to keep another bigger and bitter truth from him. I’m sorry, Chanhee.

******

The night went worse for her as nightmares kept going as well as her nausea. She hardly slept. She’s getting tired of having nightmares in the last few nights. Somehow she wanted to thank her nausea to save her from those nightmares although it wasn’t any better in fact. And those she had were real nightmares, not the ‘nightmares’ she had in the past.

It was 2 in the morning. She was sitting on her bed, holding a cup of hot water while staring blankly outside her window, panting. Her mind couldn’t help itself to play the scenes of Changjo and her going out together during those times, either just for a walk, a light snack, or maybe for their drama. She knew not all those times had gone good. But no matter how hard it was, she wished he could still give her those hard times again, rather than to live her life as how she’d been living lately. She’d been keeping everything to herself only, without anyone to be talked to. It’s more than just keeping a secret.

The urge to have her mind distracted for a moment made her took the last resort. She had herself dialing a contact in her phone without thinking twice. There were no worries in her mind to have her call rejected. Because she knew, the person had promised her that.

“Jiyoon? What’s going on?” the hoarse sleepy voice greeted her. “Is everything okay?”

Jiyoon gulped down her nervousness, hoping that it wasn’t a wrong step she had taken. “Nothing bad is going on. Everything’s okay, I might say. I… I just want to talk for a minute. I’m… I’m really sorry to disturb your sleep, Chanhee.”

 The guy chuckled lowly, “Let’s talk as you wish. I don’t mind, even if it means forever.”

“Thanks, Chanhee, but please stop those sweet talks. Don’t gross me out again,” she joked.

“So? What’s going on?” asked him after being able to control himself from the laughter. “It must, or at least should, be urgent during this time. Is it?”

Jiyoon sighed. “I didn’t intend to talk about any specific thing though. I just need someone to be talked to,” she said.

“I don’t mind to talk to you right now. I’ll be happy to, but shouldn’t you rest during this time? Staying up late might turn your condition worse, Jiyoon-ah.”

“I’ve been trying to, but I keep having nightmares and also I couldn’t stop vomiting. I barely sleep these days. That’s why I decided to call you instead. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anymore,” explained her.

 “Have you taken any medicine?”

“I don’t want to take any. I’ve had too many back then. I’m trying to reduce it,” she told him the same thing as what she’d said earlier.

It’s then him who sighed. “I’ll take you to the hospital this morning. You need to have it cured. Till when will you be having sleepless night like this?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she mumbled in defeat. “You don’t need to take me to the hospital. I’ll just try taking my medicine after breakfast then.”

Chunji suddenly laughed, “Why? Are you worried that they might give you a shot? I didn’t expect you to be scared of it.”

“Hell no! I’m not scared of it at all!” she hissed. “I’m assuming that they will be giving me a bunch of antibiotics and I just don’t want to have those much chemical running inside my veins.”

“Then what’s the difference with you taking your own, huh?” he argued.

“At least it will be less,” she made an excuse. “Stop arguing with me.”

“Don’t you miss us quarrelling all the time back then? Well, I don’t miss those. I miss you, a lot,” he chuckled. “Ya, let’s go out together. You were so rushing yesterday. We should spend much more time like how we used to.”

Jiyoon couldn’t help to awkwardly chuckle as all the past memories of them came back in her mind, “Like we used to, huh?” She knew the idea she’s thinking was quite betraying, but the current situation slowly drove her crazy. “I need fresh air to be honest.”

“Yeah, should we have a runaway trip to Japan again this weekend?” he joked. “Nah, I was kidding. Your dad wouldn’t let me be your husband if I did so,” he added after getting a yell from the line across. “I was serious with my words back then, I’m still wishing for it just so you know.”

His laugh eased her a bit. “I’ve told you to stop wishing, haven’t I? I’m serious with it too, Chanhee.”

“Don’t bother to tell me that once again. It wouldn’t do,” replied him. “It really wouldn’t. I’ve fallen too deep, but it’s okay. You don’t need to be burdened by this. Just for you to know that I’ll always be there for you.”

 “I won’t then,” she trailed off. “Do you want to have lunch together this afternoon?”

“Shouldn’t you be resting today? Or maybe I can come to your place instead,” asked him worriedly.

Jiyoon reflexively smiled at his words. He’s definitely not going to give up. “Screw resting. I need to go out. I have to. I’m gonna take the medicine this morning and it should be okay after. Don’t worry. So, are you going or not?”

“Only if you allow me to pick you up,” he started playing hard on her. “Just let me.”

Jiyoon heavily sighed, “Fine. I’ll send you my address. Come at 11 or never.”

“So harsh,” Chunji hissed. “Is there any dress code? Couple t-shirts?”

“Oh, Lord. No way. I’m going to sleep now. Bye, Chanhee,” she cut him off. “Don’t forget, 11 am or never.”

The sound of Chunji laughing really made her irritated. “Copy that. Have a nice dream, Lee Jiyoon.”

Jiyoon was way too upset to nag. Her thumb hit the red button hurriedly. But what mattered for Chunji was that she heard it clearly. He knew it. He was sure for it. And there’s no single regret in him after. He wanted her to hear it.

She slammed herself on the pillow, burying her face onto it, sobbing. You messed up big time, Jiyoon.         

A/N:

BEEN TOO LONG! I hope you're all doing well.

Is anyone still waiting for this story? Nah?