For the next two hours, I fought to keep myself from falling on the floor. Joon Hee is running a few tests on me to determine if I would be admitted. I keep on biting my lip just to be awake.

When I lie on my hospital bed, Joon Hee tells me that my liver is deteriorating and I need to remain here for quite some time so he’ll know what to do with it. I’ve been giving pain relievers to ease the pain.

Yoon Jae is outside, so only he and Hyeon Jae are inside my room. I hold his hand tight when he’s about to leave.

“Joon Hee-ah, thank you.” I sincerely say. I know I’ve caused him pain throughout the years. I feel guilty that he’s taking care of me now.

“I’m just doing my job.” He says and puts my hand down. He leaves me with Hyeon Jae.

“You know what, you’re damn lucky.”                                                              

“I don’t know what you mean…”

Hyeon Jae pauses to think. “I don’t mean to be so intrusive, but Joon Hee tells me everything. I know the story of the three of you. I just want to tell you that despite everything you did to him, he’s still there for you.”

“I see…”

“And I hope you’d get well soon.”

I force out a small smile. “Thank you.”

He squeezes my hand in reply.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m supposed to let it out after ten years. All those feelings of extreme hatred, longing and anger went into the drain. I wasn’t brave enough to stand up for myself. I’ve always been a coward and I end up blaming myself for things unsaid.

Referral. I swear that thing made me weak to my knees. I’m tied down to my duty as a doctor. There’s no way I can say no. Seeing Shi Won grow weaker every second wrenches my gut. It was a far cry from the feisty, selfish woman I knew. I once saw the unquenchable fire in her eyes. Now despair fills every corner of it. She wants to live, and somehow I want to think she wants to correct her mistakes.

I scroll up on my phone and read articles to keep myself busy. It’s been a long and tiresome day. I hope I am already distracted from what’s going on around me. Munching on my bread and enjoying the feeling of being in the almost deserted cafeteria, I know I’m right.

Not until…

“Kang Joon Hee.”

I look up. Yoon Jae sits across from me. He pushes a piece of carp bread to me. His all-time favorite.

“What’s that for?” I ask, putting my gaze back on my phone.

“I just want to thank you for today.”

“It’s my job, Yoon Yoon Jae.”

“I know it’s more than that.” he insists.

I slam my phone and stare at him.

“It’s just that. Don’t play games with me.” I say firmly. He puts his hand on top of mine when I was about to stand up.

“I guess I have a lot to explain.”

“And I don’t have time.”

I grab my phone and stand up. But his hand close over mine tightly.

“Please? I’ve been dying to tell you everything.”

He wins. I go back to my chair and listen to him talk.

I go home without telling Yoon Jae or anybody in the hospital. I don’t bother changing clothes when I got into my room. I headed straight to the bed and cried my heart out.

I lie on my back, remembering everything Yoon Jae said. Two years after I left him, they got married in church. Shi Won’s parents never knew anything about the fake civil marriage so they decided to have a real wedding. They fought hard to stay together despite getting stuck with each other’s company. Shi Won survived two miscarriages. Yoon Jae got a higher position in court from being a judge. They live in one house, but they’re more like friends striking a deal than a married couple.

“I love her in a different way. But she always knew you are in here.” He said, bringing my hand to his beating heart.

Tae Woong totally disappeared in Seoul and died in Busan. No one knows the exact reason. Yoon Jae got his brother cremated and put the ashes in his home. Shi Won’s deteriorating liver is getting worse in the last two years. Going to several doctors didn’t help until they came to me.

“Please Dr. Kang, I know you can save her.”

It was the toughest thing I had to do. I should be up for it. I wipe my tears and try to get my breathing steady. What little energy I had left to eat totally gets lost after I close my eyes.

I swing the door open to my office. Dr. Lee sits on my table, one leg crossed over the other. Half of her blouse was ed, showing her considerably sized s beneath her bra. She bites her lower lip and looks at me like I’m a sumptuous meal worthy to be devoured.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Dr. Kang.” She says, her voice husky and seductive. But I’m not swayed, I’m just leading her on.

I give the door a push and it clicks shut. I take double strides toward her, taking my white jacket off and pinning her on the table.

“And this is what I didn’t expect.”

Wait for the twist, Lee Hyun Mi.

I crash my lips against hers. Fierce, going tender, then picking up the harsh pace again. I raise her skirt a bit higher and caress her leg. Her feels good in my ears. But I stop when I’m certain she’s .

“Not now, Dr. Lee. This can wait.”

She slaps my cheek and pushes me aside. She marches out of my office. Even if she has a thing for me, she’ll never know that the man I’ve always loved never left my heart.