The sound of coffee cups hitting the table jolts me awake. I look around the living room and register the momentary shock that I am in Yoon Jae’s place. I’m wearing an oversized T-shirt that covers more than half of my body. I get up, and my skull seems to break with unbearable pain.

“Good morning.” Yoon Jae says flatly. I can’t even find a single emotion to associate it with.

“Why am I here??” I ask. I don’t remember anything since I walked out on Tae Woong.

“What do you think?” he replies sarcastically. I roll my eyes and fight the urge to grab his hair.

“What do you mean?” I say with equally harsh tone in my voice.

“Oh, I forgot. You came in here drunk so you don’t remember anything. Mind if I run through the details?”

“Just cut through the chase. What did I do while I’m here?”

He takes a sip of his coffee. I flinch in my seat when he slams the cup on the table. The sound spreads around the room.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Answer me now.” I demand.

He goes silent for a while. He stands up, puts his hands on his waist and casts a serious look at me.

“You kissed me. You told me you love me. And you had a fight with my brother about it.”

My mouth goes shut at his answer. I can’t believe I came all the way here just to do that.

“I’m…” The words dissolve in my tongue. I’m too speechless to even react sarcastically.

“I’m sorry? I know you’re going to say that. Stop pulling an act Sung Shi Eon. Just go back to Tae Woong and let’s just be friends.”

It’s easy for him to say that, because he doesn’t feel the pain I’m bearing. I want to strangle him if it would make him realize how much I’m hurt.

“You don’t understand, Yoon Jae. You don’t…”

“Shut up and get out of my house.”

I gather my things and walk to the door, only to see Tae Woong taking long strides to Yoon Jae and throws punches at him. I drop my bag and come to their aid. Yoon Jae throws two straight punches at his brother on the left cheek. Tae Woong pushes him on the kitchen counter and pulls the collar of his shirt.

“If you ever dare touch her again, I will kill you.” Tae Woong says. His words are laced with threat.

Yoon Jae pushes him off.

“Why don’t you ask her what happened?!” Yoon Jae yells, pointing at me.

Tae Woong turns to me. I drag him out of the house and leave Yoon Jae alone.

I am left with all the shock lingering inside me. I never thought Tae Woong can go as far as this. And he’d go even farther if Shi Won doesn’t stop. All I can do right now is take a little distance from both of them.

That’s right. A little distance. It doesn’t hurt to take a few steps back if it’s for everyone’s good.

I don’t want any conflict with my brother. He’s the only family I have left. Everything he did for me after our parents died is enough. The only compensation I can give him is Shi Won.

Even if it means sacrificing my feelings for her.

She chose him after I confessed to her years ago. That was enough for me to realize that I can’t have her despite the raging feelings I have for her. I am walking my own way but she keeps on catching up, telling me she regretted her earlier decision.

And then there’s Joon Hee. My friend who loves me more than just a friend. I know I’ve been too unfair to him since then. He’s taking a million steps back than I do. His heart’s been beaten, hurt, at the sight of my loving Shi Won and mourning my sadness over her. He’s hurt on my being dumb. The best way I can do for him is remain as his friend.

Even if he’s slowly paving a way to my heart.

I sob in the kitchen, realizing how torn and confused I am with my emotions.

“Joon Hee-ah.”

Somebody is calling my name, shaking me so I can wake up. The voice begs for too much attention.

“Joon Hee-ah.”

The voice slowly becomes familiar to me. It’s from someone I know so well. Who could this be?

“Wake up, Kang Joon Hee.”

The whisper sends irresistible chills down my spine. I shuffle a bit and my eyes flutter open, only to see Yoon Jae smiling at me.

And the full impact of what I saw last night hits me in the gut again.

I get up and sit straight. I slept in Dr. Jang’s office for the night after I saw Yoon Jae kissing Shi Won or the other way around or I don’t know. I stretch my body while Yoon Jae looks at me. I suddenly become conscious and straighten my composure.

“Oh come on. It’s not like that’s the first time I saw you stretch your body like that. We’ve been living with each other for God knows how long.”

He’s right. But still…

“I know. What did you come here for?”

“Uhm… I just…”

He seems to have a hard time finding the right words to say. I fill in for him.

“If you want to say sorry for last night, it’s okay with me.”

His eyes widen. “So you came home last night?”

I nod. “Yeah. But I saw you and Shi Won kissing so I came back here.”

His mouth pulls up in what seems to be a frown. His eyes are cold on me.

“Liar.” He says.

I shrug. “It’s my last resort.”

He lets my excuse slide anyways. He smiles widely at me. But his eye-smile captivates me better than his lips.

“I said last night that I have a surprise for you. I have it now.”

My heart jumps at the promise of his words. I look at him intently.

“What?”

He takes out a white dog stuffed toy from a paper bag. It looks like Moon Chi, the dog he gave me that I lost back in high school. I remember kissing its lips the moment he gave it to me. My face breaks into a smile.

“Moon Chi…” I say.

“I was supposed to give it yesterday.”

“Thanks for this.” I say, overwhelmed at the surge of emotions building inside me.

“And another thing.” He takes out another stuff from another paper bag. It’s food. My smile turns into a grin.

“Good thing you bought me that. Let’s eat.”

And after a moment, we eat our food and talked about random things.

“I’m tired of this, Tae Woong.” I say to him.

“Tired of what? Being with me?” he asks, his tone not a bit kind.

“Yes. I chose you because I know you’re a good man. But I just can’t pretend that I don’t love Yoon Jae. I just-”

His hand lands on my cheek. It’s the most painful slap I had in my life. I can’t move, petrified at the thought that he never laid a hand on me before.

Not ever. Not this way. Not this hard.

“Tell me, Sung Shi Won. Did you ever love me?”

I don’t answer. I don’t even look at his eyes. Tears begin to run down my cheeks.

He grips my shoulders and shakes my arms.

“Did you ever love me?!” he shouts in my face. My mind starts to malfunction. I’m finding it even harder to answer him.

“Let me go.”

There. I said it. But his eyes turn cold and his grip grow tighter.

“What?”

“I said let me go!” I shout and push him off me. He leaves me alone while I sit on the floor and cry hard. Real hard.

“Don’t pop the eggs.” Yoon Jae whispers in my ear as I cook ramyeon. The tingling feeling never fails to tickle my nerves.

“I won’t.” I say.

He takes a long gulp of air. “It smells good.”

His body is close to mine, almost hugging me. His hands are on my waist and his head rests on my shoulder.

“It will be done soon.”

Suddenly the doorbell rings. Yoon Jae excuses himself and goes to see who it is.

“Yoon Jae-ah.”

A pause. I leave my ramyeon to simmer for a bit and go to where the silence comes from.

Then I see her. Backpack on her back, a couple of bags on the floor. The circles under her eyes are too clear to ignore.

“Kang Joon Hee.”

There’s something in the way she says my name that slightly twitches my heart.

And for a moment, what I fear the most suddenly creeps its way into me.