Eleven

I slam the alarm clock on the bedside table and get up. I’m running late for work. The smell of pancakes and brewed coffee take me to the kitchen. My eyes, which were half-open a while ago, are now wide open. Shi Won is cooking in the kitchen. When she turns she smiles at me, wearing the apron Joon Hee always wears when he cooks. My heart constricts with unknown emotions. She is testing me. Joon Hee is stirring my heart. Both of them confuse me.

Maybe it was a bad decision to let her stay here.

“Did you wake Joon Hee up? I’m almost done cooking.” she says.

It takes a moment for me to shake my head.

“No, not yet.”

“Go wake him. The three of us should eat together.”

She says it with so much excitement. I roll my eyes and walk to Joon Hee’s room. He’s lying on his back and his lips are slightly parted.

Beautiful.

His chest gently rises up and down. His face looks peaceful, like he hasn’t gone through enough madness by loving me secretly. It’s funny how I only see his exterior at first sight, so perfect and beautiful, only to really look through how torn he is on the inside. On one side, I’m guilty for taking him for granted. He never gave up on me when I almost gave up on myself. The fact that he’s there is enough for me to prove how much he loves me.

And these days, I find myself slowly reciprocating it.

There is a tender part of my heart that draws me to him in an inexplicable way. There is a gentle part of him that weakens my knees and give in to his sweetness. This is a confusing ride, but I’m glad that I can still think straightly.

Kang Joon Hee. My Kang Joon Hee.

I walk closer to his bed and crawl up beside him. I put an arm around his torso.

“Wake up.” I whisper in his ear.

His nose wrinkles and he turns, facing me. I can feel his breath on my face as he puts an arm around my body and snuggles closer.

This feels so perfect.

I caress his face and smile. He’s more than beautiful. I only noticed it now.

“Wake up, Joon Hee. It’s a brand new day.”

He opens my eyes and kisses my lips.

“I love waking up in your arms. Can you come here every morning?” he says softly. The sound of it feels like a heavenly song in my ears. And I’m tempted to say yes I will, but instead I hug him tighter.

“Can we stay like his everyday?”

And all I hear from him is a soft moan. I will him to get up and as we walk to the door, I lace my fingers with his. He stops, shoots a look at me that tries to figure out why I’m doing it.

“I just want to hold your hand.”

He smiles but the moment we walk past the door, he lets go of my hand. I understand why.

“Joon Hee-ah!” Shi Won jumps a little gleefully when she sees me. She’s wearing my apron and I wave at her. The table is decorated with lots of food that she prepared.

The three of us sit together and eat.

“I told Yoon Jae to wake you up. If I did that, I know you’d just sleep all day.” she says.

I chuckle at that. Yoon Jae does a good job of waking me up. Just like minutes ago…

“Thanks for cooking, Shi Won-ah. I didn’t know you cook good food.”

She grins. “I learned a lot from Mom. I’ve been missing her so much that I want to go to Busan right now.”

“Why don’t you let her come here?” Yoon Jae suggests.

Her eyes light up at that tiny thought.

“Are you sure?”

He nods. I don’t know how he manages to act so poker-faced while telling a good news. He would’ve been an actor.

“Yeah. She’s welcome anytime.”

She stands up and rushes to Yoon Jae. A tight hug from the back breaks my heart at this early hour.

“Thank you so much, Yoon Yoon Jae! You don’t know how much I already owe you.”

“H-Hey, let me go! You’re choking me.” he says. Shi Won immediately goes back to her seat while smiling widely.

There’s a sound of doorbell incessantly and urgently calling me to accommodate. I get up from my seat and walk to the door.

“Sung Shi Won, are you there?” Tae Woong asks. I see his urgency in the machine beside the door. I freeze.

“Who’s that?” Yoon Jae asks when I turn to him.

I mouth his brother’s name. In an instant, he drags Shi Won and they hide in the storage room beside the bathroom.

I squeeze my eyes as soon as the door bangs shut. Luckily, the door has no glass and it’s made of entirely wood. I can feel the dust hovering invisibly over the air. It makes me way to my nose and I want to sneeze. Yoon Jae’s arms are pinned on my shoulders. I can’t move and his proximity to me brings my body in paralysis.

This is the most awkward moment I’ve had with him.

Anything can happen at this instant. I can kiss him deeply or kick his balls or he’ll choke me to death because I’ve been nothing but a headache to him. Anything can happen but nothing happens.

The beat of my heart gets louder in my ears. His heavy breathing matches the pace of the running electricity down my nerves. It’s getting faster and I don’t know what to do.

“Sung Shi Won, whatever happens, you shouldn’t make any noise. Understand?” Yoon Jae whispers. It’s the only sound that keeps me sane right now.

“Okay.” I nod.

We spend the next couple of minutes rooted in our places, listening to the building commotion going on outside. I look on the dark ground, forcing myself not to make any noise and counting the seconds that drag themselves like legs of steel classroom armchairs.

Then a couple of minutes pass again. And another couple ticks by. And another. And the next ticks along.

I hear footsteps growing nearer the door. I see Yoon Jae’s panicked face as he looks beyond the door as if he can see what’s outside.

Then the doorknob twists a little. Good thing the door is locked.

Another twist.

“Sung Shi Won?” a voice says.

I can feel my heart creeping to my throat.

If Tae Woong is on the other side of the door, it’s the end of my life.