The clock strikes a perfect vertical line from both its edges. It’s six o’clock in the morning, and I’ve been awake for five damn hours thinking about what I saw between Shi Won and Yoon Jae. Well, it’s not like I’ve been hurt by them but seeing them ‘married’ brings a hopeless notion for me. Though time has passed and Yoon Jae loves me now, I just can’t help but feel pathetic about how all this turned out.

I get up from bed and stare at the blank space beside it. That is where Yoon Jae is supposed to be lying. Beside me, only beside me. I caress the crumpled sheets and wonder why he didn’t sleep her last night. But then again, I am not supposed to. He has to really sleep beside her so things won’t be a bit awkward.

Walking to the living room, I can see Yoon Jae rolling on some mixed ingredients. On the plate is what seems like a mountain of black rolls stuffed with food. Kimbap. It makes me smile.

“Oh, hey.” He says while doing another roll.

“Did you do all this?” I ask.

He smiles and shakes his head.

“I just had to get this done. Shi Won started this.” He answers, putting a finished roll on the plate and doing another one.

I am comforted at the thought of Shi Won preparing something for me. I allow myself to be pampered even if things between us are not on the right track.

“Yoon Jae-ah, you should stop for a while. Let’s eat.” I say.

He stops and follows me suit to the dining table. I bring six rolls of kimbap – three for each of us.

“Joon Hee-ah, I’m sorry.” He says as we eat.

I stop mid-chew and grab my glass of orange juice. All of these fiasco happening because of his brother’s insanity. Of Shi Won’s rash actions. Of our feelings for each other.

“Yoon Jae, there’s no –”

“You may think that I have nothing to apologize for, but I know I have to tell you this. I love you, yet I’m making you suffer. Getting Shi Won out of our lives will never be enough. I want us to be together. You and I…”

I bite my lip. I don’t know what to say. He reaches out and touches my hand.

“Joon Hee-ah,”

I spring from my seat and from across the table, I reach out and kiss him softly. A brief one for the short time that we have, my lips telling him how much I’m willing to hold on. I look away from him after I pull away.

“Let’s not let each other go. We’ll make it through this.” I say. Right now, I don’t have anything to say but that.

He smiles and finishes his food.

Do Hak Chan is scheduled for discharge today. He always insists he can help himself heal within a short period of time. Shi Won came with me to the hospital to accompany Yoo Jung in finalizing hospital records and bills.

I open the door to Hak Chan’s room, the two are laughing at some private joke. Yoo Jung even slaps his arm.

“Hey, stop being so sweet and prepare yourselves.” I say with a smile. I have a nurse with me and Shi Won on the doorway. She greets the two. The nurse prepares him for discharge so I go to chat with Yoo Jung for a bit.

When we are on the hospital grounds, Shi Won talks to me personally. Yoo Jung and Hak Chan go in their car first. I give her a white plastic bag filled with tablets and capsules.

“Dr. Jang said the instructions for taking these meds are inside. Tell Hak Chan to follow them.” I say. Shi Won gets the bag from me and nods.

“Sure, I will. Thanks, Joon Hee.”

I give her a brown paper bag. “Please tell him also to clean his wound regularly. I know Yoo Jung can do it best to him.”

“This is too much, Kang Joon Hee. Where did you get this from?”

I smile. “I asked my friend nurse to get that for me. It’s nothing, Sung Shi Won.”

She hugs me tight, much to my surprise. I awkwardly put my arms around her and her hair gently.

“I don’t know what to do with my life without you, Joon Hee. I can’t repay you for everything.”

I am too speechless to say something. If only she knew what I’ve given up for her. How hard it was for me to see her married to the man I love.

If only.

“Shi Won-ah, I need to go back. Dr. Jang might look for me.”

She pulls away from me. “Take care then.”

I wave at her. “Goodbye.”

She smiles and starts to walk away. I look up at the sky to calm my troubled emotions. I hope this will pass smoothly like the gentle blow of the wind. I’m too tired to deal with another emotional crap I know I couldn’t stand.

Seeing her fading from my sight makes me think of this – she should make Yoon Jae happy no matter what. I don’t want to stand in between them. Watching them from the backseat is enough, though it hurts. I wish that the moment I close my eyes, the next thing I see is a life without both of them.

But I can’t close my eyes now. A big clay pot is flying down to Shi Won’ head and it will hit her anytime. She’s oblivious if what’s about to kill her, so I break into a run and push her aside. The pot hits my right shoulder. The impact seems to break my bones and I scream so loud.

“Kang Joon Hee!” Shi Won screams as well. She gets up from the ground and comes to me. Yoo Jung and Hak Chan run to us while I lie on the cold cement. I scream through gritted teeth. The culprit hasn’t gone away yet, but I catch a glimpse of him on the rooftop.

Yoon Tae Woong.

He won’t get away from this.

As he runs away, I get up and make my way upstairs, hoping to catch him red-handed. I clutch my shoulder. Every step I make sends a throbbing pain to my muscles. I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming. It hurts so much.

I reach the emergency stairs. I swear he was here a while ago but I don’t know where to find him now. This is bad.

“Been looking for me?”

I turn and he’s there. Yoon Tae Woong strikes a swift jab on my cheek. I fall on the floor.

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You think I don’t know about you and my brother?!”

My skin begins to sweat in fear. How?

“You are a damn good little monster, Kang Joon Hee.”

Before I can get up, I am pinned down by his kicks. I try hard to breathe. If this is hell, then I’m suffering it now.

I feel the attacks stop when Shi Won pulls him off me. She pushes Tae Woong to the wall and slaps him hard.

“Stop. Hurting. Kang. Joon. Hee!” Her every word comes out as a scream. A slap for her every word.

“Shi Won-ah…” His voice half pleads and half cries. He looks straight into her eyes and holds her shoulders. She swats his hands away. Shi Won stifles a sob.

“Leave us alone, Tae Woong. Please.”

He quickly obliges to her, albeit walking in slow, weak and defeated steps. I slowly get up and compose myself. She turns to me.

“Are you okay?”

I nod. She fishes her phone from her pocket and dials a number.

The last thing I hear is her screaming Yoon Jae’s name.