Dear Park Jungsoo

                    I just reread my letter to Heechul and now I’m feeling ashamed. Ashamed because I don’t know if I’m able to give you the love and the respect you deserve. There are many factors and I think I should list them before going on and contradicting all of them. Off the top of my head, I can tell you it’s because I know you have flaws and I don’t like them. I don’t know if it’s because I’m growing up or whatever, but my fanatic ELF days are over.

                    I’m not saying I am no longer an ELF, oh no, never that. I’m not even saying I’m not sure if I’m an ELF first, or if I really love Super Junior as much as I did before. Now allow me to contradict. I am always an ELF, always will be one. It doesn’t matter who else debuts or whatnot, I will always stand by my boys. Seeing the blue sapphire ocean gives me goosebumps. I freak out over comebacks. But I no longer blindly love. I still promise to believe, but maybe my love for Hyukjae has faded, or maybe it’s just become a constant, something I’ve taken for granted.

                    You must be wondering, why the hell are you telling me this, just when I’m going away to the army and scared of this very thing happening? I’ll tell you why. It’s because all of the above I said is true, and not true at the same time. Yes, I’m not as fanatic, but no, my feelings have not faded and that’s my message. I want to assure you, Jungsoo, that Super Junior can go on a hiatus for however long they want, and still come back to find me standing there among the sea of ELFs. It doesn’t matter to me anymore that I can’t get overly excited, or that I don’t spazz all the time simply because my love for Super Junior has become a part of me. It no longer needs to be shown all the time.

                    And with that, I go on to criticize you. One thing that has always bothered me about you was your need to be a perfectionist. Wow, what a hypocrite, you’re thinking. Yes, I , too, am a perfectionist. But I would never hurt a member or become vain in my race to be on top. I understand that you suffered from family trauma and that your father made you this way. But I wish you can take a step back sometimes and realize that it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to strive to be perfect, you are already almost near there.

                    Perfection doesn’t exist. And in an industry where you depend on other people, you need to work with them. I cringe sometimes when they say, “Oh, Leeteuk only looks at himself,” or “Oh, Leeteuk has yelled at us for messing up.” I understand you’re the leader, and I’ll be damned if I say you’re not doing a good job being one, but I wish you wouldn’t.

                    When Hyukjae talked about you hitting him and fighting with him, I cringe. I cringe not only because you’re hurting my bias, my baby, but also because it hurts. Whenever I read accounts of members fighting, you are almost always one of the parties. Why? Why is it that you cause so much tension among your members? As the hyung, shouldn’t you try to relieve the tension? I know everyone fights, but I feel as if with you, your members take it more personally simply because when you fight with them, it’s suddenly about you, about your career and about their conduct towards you. When Eunhae fight, it’s petty, and easily resolved. But I feel as if every time you fight with a member, that memory is forever etched into their heads. I’m not a mind reader, but everyone seems so affected by what you do.

                    When Kyu baby first joined, your reaction to him was not to be desired. I won’t excuse the others. I’m pretty sure everyone was pretty cold to him too. But the ramen incident was unnecessary and too much. When you got jealous over Sungmin talking to Sora and told him you wished him ill on his musical, my respect for you dropped. Bros before hos and all that jazz aside, he’s still your member. I value your honesty, and the fact that you showed your true reaction, but in the end, Sungmin was joking and Sora’s not even your real wife. But Sungmin is your real brother, part of a family that has persevered and forged on. And you threw it all away in a bout of jealousy.

                    When I watched that 5000 Question talk show and so much of your psychological mentality was revealed, I pitied you. I knew you suffered as a kid and with that, you brought it onto yourself. You work so hard, and yet at the same time, you’re scared all the time. Please don’t be like that anymore. Learn to let loose, learn to accept that your position as an all time idol, as the leader of the Hallyu Kings, is secure. Please. Do that and I will love you more.

                    My admiration for you is not as much as you as a person, but more for you as a leader of my favorite family. I’m probably going to lose a lot of followers today because of my criticism but it’s the truth. These are my honest opinions about you. I think it’s not easy leading such a large group and having to go through the ups and downs you suffered. It’s hard to see scandal after scandal occur, to watch members fade away, to know that the clock is ticking. And I respect you for your leadership. Without you, as Hyukjae said, it would be shoes without insoles, or like I say, living without air.

                    You’ve done so much for the group and I am one hundred percent grateful. I want to let you know that all the variety shows you host and all the ones you appear on are made a touch better just by your presence. You have a presence, and it is known, trust me. With this, I want to also compliment you on your inability to age. Every time there is a new music video, I always notice how good you look and I really don’t think anyone looks great except for my bias. And I applaud you for keeping so young.

                    You’re grateful to ELFs. You bought us the ice cream and after concerts, your first tweet is always thanking ELFs, saying that we are the best. And we can only respond with, YOU are the best. You even gave us our name, saying that we are like fairy tale creatures, providing strength to Super Junior. All your quotes give us tingles inside to read and we are proud of your transformation from the oldest in a group of twelve members to Park Jungsoo, Leeteuk, the leader of Super Junior, the best leader in KPop.

                    Two years is not long. Especially not as you get older. Look at this, Heechul will be back in a few months. Amazing isn’t it? In a year we will also be looking at the time and say, well look, Leeteuk will be back soon too. Take care of yourself. Super Junior needs their umma back safely okay? You say you will be doing MC activities in the army, and I give you kudos for that. See? Your skills are recognized. Angels will be waiting for their duckie bias. ELFs will be waiting for our angel leader.

                    Come back soon okay? Saranghae~

                                                                                                            Love,

                                                                                                            Jill, an Ever-Lasting Friend

#이특영원히사랑해요 #PromiseToWaitForLeeteuk