Heavy footsteps follow the running silhouette in front of him. Kibum is tired, but he's not the type to back down from asking an answer. Siwon is getting farther away as twilight falls. Farther away from his hold. From his heart.

How long was he out of touch?

"Siwon hyung! Come back!" Kibum is tired. Running for so long to lose someone who is now important. How did they even get here?

From the younger's view, he sees the silhouette stopping to catch his breath as well. Elbows pressed on his bent knees, visibly breathing heavily. Kibum wants to run to the silhouette. But one small step could make him move farther away from him. He demands answers. He doesn't want to end this on a bad note.

"Hyung! Please! Can we talk?" Kibum yells again. The park is empty, and he thanks the Heavens that no one will hear his strained throat, his heavy breaths, his body close to collapsing. The silhouette turns around, glancing at his crumpled figure.

Kibum thinks he's already hallucinating, but as his falls flat on the ground, the silhouette becomes clear. Siwon comes into view. Finally, Kibum says in his mind. The taller greets him with disheveled hair, face soaked with sweat despite the cold wind, and eyes red from crying? Why was he crying?

Siwon kneels in front of him; tears finally falling down earnestly. Whimpers turn into wails that Kibum doesn't know where it comes from. It sends him into confusion, his heart constricting at the sight and sound. He slowly reaches out to the taller, placing a hand on his shoulder. At this rate, with all of this staying away, Kibum is preparing himself for the worse. To the violent shrugging, to the harsh removal of his hand on any part of Siwon's body. To the blatant avoidance of his voice when he calls.

He expected for the worse as his hand lands softly on Siwon's shoulder. But the crying became louder, and Kibum finally woke up. It's all his fault.

Childhood friends. Close friends. Inseparable.

That's how their friends describe Siwon and Kibum. Growing up, Kibum stuck on Siwon like glue. They were neighbors, their parents are good friends. Naturally, the offspring bonded as friends as well. They went to the same school together. Kibum had a different friend group, but it soon widened thanks to Siwon's timid and unapproachable personality. Ryeowook remarks that the two cannot be broken apart, and Geng points out that when one is missing, except that he'll be with the other.

Everything was fine until they graduated high school. Jungsoo predicted they'll go to the same university too, and Jongwoon agreed. Hyukjae thought something is going on between the two, but Kibum shrugged it off. "Ah, hyung! We're just close friends. This is what you get when the two of you basically grew up together."

For Kibum, the bickering among his friends is normal. How he and Siwon are constantly teased by each other and how the younger wouldn't go anywhere without Siwon beside him. For Kibum, Siwon is his safe place. His pillar. His comfort.

He memorized how many times in a day Siwon would put on perfume. How Siwon calls him at exactly 6 in the evening for tteokbokki in front of their academy. How Siwon would wait in front of his classroom after classes since he would be dismissed at least 10 minutes earlier because his teacher "wants to go home fast to catch the latest episode of this drama."

"I don't believe you," Ryeowook countered. Siwon already left with Donghae and Hyukjae, citing that he has to get ready to leave for university tomorrow. A few days ago, the younger helped Siwon pack for his trip to Seoul. Siwon only announced his early departure for the city that night. Kibum didn't look surprised, earning disbelief from the others. To be fair, it's hard for the friend group to invite Siwon since he has a lot on his plate (he's already slated to take over the family's business once he graduates college), but when one mentions that Kibum is also coming — the aforementioned schedules magically disappears.

Kibum downed his cup, letting out a breath afterward. "It's true!"

His friends glanced at each other, shooting incredulous faces. Not believing anything that comes from Kibum. So they take whatever the younger said as gospel and continue to where they left off.

Kibum is aware that nothing is going on between him and Siwon. They're just good friends.

Right?

The once unbreakable bond has finally been broken when Kibum attended a different university. He promised to keep in touch with Siwon since they also stay in the same dormitory. His room is situated a few floors above Siwon's, even though his family demanded to keep their units together.

"Mom, it's fine," Kibum tells his mother once his stuff has been moved into the unit, "I'm pretty sure Won hyung wants to be alone for now."

The first semester of freshmen year was basically getting the ropes of university life. Kibum still messages Siwon and Siwon would reply hours later. Homecooked meals are exchanged whenever their parents are visiting. Crashing into each other's units frequently when neighbors are getting rowdy. Inviting in each other's school fairs because they're not yet used to the people around their classes. Kibum got used to the rhythm — praying that this would be their new normal throughout their four-year stay in university.

Kibum didn't know when it began or how he would delineate them growing apart from each other. Perhaps on the second semester of their sophomore year? When visits are less frequent, and Kibum becomes busy with org work. As a committee head, additional hours for extracurriculars are demanded from here. On top of that are the looming laboratory exams that the lessons he hasn't touched since it was taught.

It's safe to say that Kibum is, indeed, busy.

Siwon still messages him ("Hey, you still breathing there?"). And Kibum would reply back days later ("Yeah, don't worry hyung.").

Junior year was probably the beginning of the end. Where Kibum dates one of his org-mates, Yoona. Yoona is pretty and sociable. She has a passion for films (hence taking up film as her major) and photography. Their dates would mostly consist of movies and critiquing on its strong and weak points. She has an easy-going personality, and Kibum falls for her charms even more.

Eventually, Kibum introduced Yoona to Siwon over lunch. It was a pleasant introduction, greetings were exchanged and Siwon looked comfortable. After that day, his best friend slowly faded into the background. Messages are seldom received and sent. Parents no longer visit each others' units. Senior year became a witness to their gradual fall-out. High school friends would ask how Siwon has been since they never got any of his socials. The younger's surprising answer shocked them:

"I haven't heard anything from Siwon."

Spending more time with Yoona outweighed his friendship with Siwon, together with extracurriculars and the demands of his program on his plate. It was a little too late when Kibum realized that he alienated himself from his best friend. Attempting to save the dying friendship, he shoots him a message. Hoping that Siwon would reply immediately, just like in the old times.

But hours turned to days. Turned into weeks. Turned into months.

Sometimes, Kibum would find himself hovering over Siwon's Facebook profile. Wondering if he should send him a message there. Reminding him that he's still his best friend and if he wants to talk, he's there. And he exits the tab before he could even embarrass himself.

He's just busy. Uncle must be training him in becoming the company's CEO. No time to get back to his messages. But he still texts him, staring at his socials (which are not usually updated). Still wishing if he's doing fine.

It's been a while. And Kibum wonders if his best friend's doing fine.

Siwon finally calms down. The jacket's hood over his head, left hand safely tucked in Kibum's jacket pocket, together with the younger's right hand. Lights from the city skyline illuminate Han River. It's a scenic view, coupled with the cool November wind. Kibum likes the serenity.

It took a while for Siwon to calm down. A while ago was the most confusing time of his life — Siwon not noticing him at first, progressing to him lashing out on Kibum, which lead to the chase.

They were right: Kibum still doesn't know Siwon like the back of his hand.

"You okay now?" The silence is deafening, and the younger wants to hear his best friend's voice after what went down.

It took the older a few seconds before he responds with a nod.

Cool air comes out of his mouth as he exhales. That's better than without any answer, right? Kibum tightens his hold in Siwon's hand, sure enough, that he won't let go this time around.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kibum asks again.

They weren't looking at each other, but with years' worth of friendship — Kibum knows that this is the most comfortable way to address the situation. Without Siwon breaking down again.

"Are you weirded out by it?" These are the first words that Siwon managed to say. The younger didn't know how much he missed his voice. "Why would I be weirded out by it?"

"Your best friend liking you. Isn't that cliché?" Siwon reasons. Kibum smiles softly, rubbing his thumb on top of Siwon's hand.

"That's not a cliché. It's endearing, actually," he answers. Oh, how blinded he was whenever Siwon showers him with affection. How oblivious he was with the signs.

He sees Siwon in air, visibly shaken by his words. Kibum continues, "I'm sorry for... the past few months. Years, actually. I didn't know you were hurting."

"No, it's my fault," Siwon counters, swinging his left leg to cross it over the right, "You know I'm kind of... difficult to talk to, right? I should've been more open with my feelings."

The younger finally takes a look at Siwon. With the lights from buildings as their source, Kibum could see his face clearer. His eyelashes, the tip of his pale red nose, cheeks tinged pink due to the cold, pink lips that he unconsciously bites. He's breathtakingly handsome and beautiful, and Kibum wants to beat the out of himself for not noticing this.

"You know I'll understand," Kibum answers. Of course, he'll understand. Because it only took him a while to get all of this. To comprehend the gist of the chaos called falling in love with your best friend. And how it all makes sense.

"It's overwhelming, trust me," Kibum continues, "But let me tell you this, Choi Siwon." Removing their hands from his pocket, Kibum bravely turns Siwon to face him. Cups his face so gently as if it would break. Heart beating so wildly and stomach turning with emotions that Kibum couldn't contain. Afraid that it would explode and scare the older away.

"Whatever I'm feeling, please believe me that it's driving me crazy," he caresses the older's cheeks, "But one thing is certain: the feeling is mutual."

From the perspective of his friends, Siwon is hard to read. A puzzle impossible to solve. A maze too complex to go through. An advanced-level video game. Even unapproachable.

It took a while for most of his friends to get into his world. Most of the time, they would use Kibum as bait for him to join gatherings. At first, it would drive Siwon angry (and, subsequently, Kibum) for using his best friend against his will. In the long run, he got along with them. Siwon learned to open up to them. Kibum observed that he's closer to Hyukjae and Donghae, and clings onto Jongwoon most of the time whenever he's not around.

The younger would lie that their exchange didn't hurt. But for a high schooler Kibum, he didn't pay any close attention to the uncomfortable feeling swirling in his gut.

"You guys didn't have to do that. Hyung's going to push you guys away further," Kibum pointed out after hearing their attempt during their friendship's earlier years. Hyukjae shook his head, "It's the only way for us to be close to him."

Donghae beckoned, "Look, I don't know about you, but Siwonnie probably likes you."

"Stop lying," Kibum quickly intercepted. The younger could still remember how he gave his Donghae hyung a glare. It's unlikely for Kibum to reciprocate such feelings too, right? Maybe he's really just a bait to make Siwon more sociable. After all, he is hard to break out of his shell.

However, Donghae's words stuck to Kibum. It's impossible... Right?

It's a miracle that Siwon managed to send him a message on the night of his graduation.

Kibum's heart thumped loudly as he opened the message. Just a simple "congratulations on your graduation, Bummie!" but it sent his heart somersaulting from within. Is it still normal to feel all of these for his best friend?

Instead of resting early, the younger spent a few more hours in front of his phone. Aggressively typing in check-ins and names that stuck in his memory. It has been a while since they both talked. The universe must've conspired for them to get back to where they left off. For Kibum, the pause didn't happen. Everything went back to where they were.

Graduation happened the next day, and Kibum was offered by Siwon's father to work in his company. With a few more persuasions from his family, Kibum agreed and went to work in the following month. At the same time, Yoona scored a job in the production department of a famous production company. Their relationship still going strong despite the looming adulting tasks.

As Kibum projected, Siwon became the CEO of the company. The older was pleasantly surprised to see Kibum on his inauguration, even letting him sit beside him on the table of honor. The younger's earlier years of work were too good to be true. Finally financing his family, a promising job, a stable relationship, Siwon back in his life.

But life is a rollercoaster. What goes up, must come down.

It starts off with Yoona ending the relationship due to the increasing load of her work. Kibum understands as he knows film belongs in a higher priority. When he opens this up to his friends (alongside the increasing number of him hanging out with Siwon), some of them shoot a knowing smirk at Kibum. "What?"

"Maybe give a certain someone a chance now?" Hyukjae teases, earning quiet and teasing remarks towards the younger.

"Look, if this is Wonnie hyung again then give up. We're just best friends," Kibum calmly explains, downing the remaining beer in the can.

Jongwoon leans forward, "Kibum-ah, how well do you even know your best friend?"

Not this conversation again. He knows that everyone is bugging him to make a move or just confirm their initial thoughts. But he's not backing down, and he knows that Siwon only views him as a friend. There's no way—

"Did you know that Siwon cried to us when he learned that Bummie here is dating Yoona-ssi?" Donghae leans back and sighs contentedly, "Then he proceeded to explain his bizarre, whirlwind of emotions. You guys should've seen him — he's hysterical!"

Kibum blinks at his hyung, but he hears Jongwoon continuing the story. "It was sad to hear his story, really. I thought you already connected the dots, like why he's extra attentive to you..."

The younger flashes back to the times Siwon gave him portions of his lunch back in grade school, and the exchange of meals back at their dormitory. He remembers the times Siwon hands him a towel after PE classes or reminding him to change clothes immediately "because you get sweaty easily! I don't have the time to take care of a sick you!"

"...And how he pays close attention to details regarding you..."

The birthday gifts that Siwon bought for him, earning groans from Shindong and Donghae because "we literally stayed in the store for 2 hours, with Siwon walking too much around it! Only to buy that damned shoes!" "It's not just any shoes, hyung!" Siwon countered, "It's a limited edition pair of sneakers that Kibummie's eyeing for so long."

"...Also you should see how Siwon looks at you like you hold his whole world!"

The times they both spend together are already special for Kibum. Kibum looks forward to ending his shift because the older would be waiting downstairs for him. Dinners in fancy restaurants, along the streets, or a spontaneous night picnic. Noraebang when Kibum feels a little crazy, or bar hopping when Siwon becomes a daredevil (which is rare).

"And," Heechul interrupts, "the way you also take care of Siwon is a hundred times more than how he takes care of you!" As far as Kibum is concerned, his Heechul hyung only speaks nothing but the truth. So it comes as a surprise when he suddenly butts in, despite alcohol reeking in his breath.

For the first time, Kibum acknowledges that those fluttering feelings in his stomach are real. And that the longingness when they separate is not his mind playing tricks on him.

It gets a little getting used to the newfound feeling. Which is scary.

While he didn't want to, Kibum silently pushes Siwon away for a few weeks. Again. Testing if the feeling is not just him forcing it out whenever the older is around. It scares Kibum, even difficult for him to do such an act. Avoiding his eye contact at work, taking the longer route just to avoid him, even coldly replying to messages.

And, in effect, Siwon did the same. Staring at him like any other employee with his cold, distant eyes. Also pretending not to hear his calls across the room. Their friendship has turned into something business-like. Professional. Reverted back to strangers. Like that night in Kibum's dimly-lit dormitory.

To say at least, Kibum is sure that whatever this is, it's real. And he's stupid enough to learn about it sooner.

It's the end of another workday when Hyukjae berates him over the phone. "What kind of ery did you do again, Kim Kibum?! And here I thought you finally have a ing change of heart!"

"Look hyung, I'm sorry, okay? It's just that I have something to test—"

"Kim Kibum, you ing idiot! You don't need to do this by pushing him away! You know how sensitive that guy is!"

"He's not that sensitive, hyung! Maybe he's overreacting again!"

"Overreacting?! Wow, you're such an , Kim Kibum! I thought you guys were best friends!"

Kibum is losing it. "Goddamn it, Hyukjae hyung! You — or anyone — don't care about what I feel towards my best friend, okay? I don't care if he likes me or not! I just want to confirm if I really like him or this is some kind of mind-ery that my brain is doing!"

As soon as Kibum fires back while pacing back and forth, a familiar figure comes into view. Staring back at him. The lobby is dimly-lit but Kibum could see the features from the older.

Kibum drops his hand, Hyukjae yapping on the line before hanging up. Everything comes crashing down as he squints, observing that the older was already sporting a sad grin.

"I knew it. You were just playing with me," Siwon's voice is small, "And thanks to those idiots, you knew about it."

"Hyung," Kibum walks slowly but the older is quick in his feet.

"Don't come near me," Siwon calls out, voice already breaking. But Kibum is stubborn, taking one more step.

"Don't," Siwon is firm, but Kibum is desperate. Another step and Siwon backs away.

"Hyung, please. Let me explain—" "What do you need to explain, Kibum? I heard everything!" "No, you don't understand!"

Walks quickened, breaking into runs, and Kibum admonishes himself for the pain he inflicted. To himself. To the man he realized he truly can't live without.

The walk back to Siwon's apartment is quiet. Hands still linked, Kibum not letting it go.

"Did you know how long it took me to convince myself that this is okay?" Siwon begins the conversation. Neither of them talked after standing up after Kibum noticed the older yawning. It might take a while for Siwon to explain his feelings, and Kibum didn't want to push him. He turns his head to Siwon when he starts to explain.

"That it's pretty normal to take a liking towards your best friend? I thought I did a great job in hiding my feelings," he chuckles. Kibum already enjoys the sound — needs some getting used to.

"Then I told it to Hyukjae and Donghae because it's too much. And then to Jongwoon hyung. They congratulated me because I'm not dumb anymore," he muses, "but little did they know that I figured it out from even before."

They stop in the middle of the path, under the streetlight. Kibum could finally see the entirety of Siwon's face up close. Everything needs some getting used to. He lets himself be held by two hands, fingers easily lacing together like a puzzle. "Kim Kibum, I have already liked you for a very long time."

It's a confession. A confession that made Kibum feel so many emotions that he doesn't know how he can contain them. The push and pull are over. The butterflies appear wilder than ever. This is real.

And maybe it's because it's too much, Kibum leans forward and gives him a kiss. Out in the open, in the freezing temperature. It's driving him insane as their lips connect, at first frozen in place. But starts to mold in together, moving at a pace so foreign to the two of them. Kibum wraps his arms around Siwon's neck, the latter's on Kibum's waist. It feels like fireworks on a New Year's Eve, the rushing waterfalls gushing out of your chest. Foreign yet feels like comfort.

They break off, and Kibum notices the tinge of pink on Siwon's cheeks. He lands a small kiss on either side, almost ghostly. "Cute."

"Stop," Siwon whispers back and it's adoringly cute that Kibum feels like he's going to explode.

They resume walking, Kibum still holding onto his hand like his stronghold. "I'm glad we turned out to be different. But to be fair, they were right: You were hard to read."

Siwon squints his eyes at him, "Because I was doing my best to hide this freaking feeling."

"You're not Elsa, hyung," Kibum deadpans, earning him a playful shove.

The night deepens and Siwon invites the younger to stay for the night. They could arrive at the company together, but Kibum thinks it'll be weird for them to be seen side-by-side after weeks of not talking. "And so? Let them talk about us. As long as we know where we stand now."

Kibum snuggles closer to Siwon, head on his chest as they think about what to do next. What is it, really?

"We could go on dates," Siwon suggests, "taking it slow, you know."

The younger looks at him and Siwon gives his nose a light boop. The love he feels for Siwon grows as he learns a little bit more of the older. Like how he wants to explore this feeling first. Siwon is a gentle giant, but Kibum never fully saw this side before. Something to get used to again, right?

He scrunches his nose, "I'd like that."

Author's Note: Happy New Year! This was written when I was procrastinating on writing a BrightWin fic lol xD It's been a while since I wrote a SuJu fic w/ SiBum as a pairing so I hope that I made justice to it. Also I tried making the flashbacks and flashforwards in this fic I hope it made sense...? The previous fic here was actually a bit corny but I understood why (I think I was in my recurring Twilight phase that time xD). Anyway, I hope you folks enjoyed reading this! I'll see you on the next one.

Connect with me? :) @codenametitanic