Jongdae woke up feeling giddy for reasons he didn’t know as well. His eyes fluttered open immediately at the thought: this is it. He turned around and was about to hug his loving partner when all there was to greet were blankets and pillows. He looked at the clock: 6:04. Is she up this early?

He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and patted the space where she usually slept in.

He hopped off the bed and made his way towards the bathroom to freshen up. Today is the day.

With hope in his heart, and a slight thump every now and then, he was determined more than ever to pop the question.

The moment she left Suho’s house last night, she couldn’t make up what was on her mind. Should she stay? Should she go? But in the end, it was the latter she did. She couldn’t really face Jongdae at the moment. How could she when he practically lied in front of her two eyes?

She couldn’t handle lies anymore. She despised them.

So making her way towards a bus stop which she miraculously found, she hopped onto the first bus that arrived.

It was like the world was initiating a conspiracy – something she’s not worthy of but still would receive. Luhan was right after all. What did she ever do to receive this kind of ?

With thoughts running through her mind and answers she can’t seem to find, she closed her eyes and thought that she would just have to face them the moment she wakes up. She was just too tired to do so at the moment.

He paced back and forth, trying to wait for her in case she was somewhere else inside the house. His heart was pounding and it was mostly because he couldn’t wait to ask her the question.

Will you be my wife?

He practiced his lines over and over in his mind. Sometimes he would whisper it just to make sure his voice was the way he wanted it. Not knowing when she would re-enter their room, he kept an eye on the door whenever he was practicing in front of the mirror. He cleared his throat thousands of times now, and he ran into the bathroom to brush his teeth when he forgot to – or when he just felt like it. It was a silly view indeed – him exiting the bathroom only to enter it again.

He would’ve been a joke to himself. But he made an exception today. He didn’t mind looking like a fool, as long as he’d get the answer he wanted from her. He just wouldn’t take no for an answer. Three years was a long wait. At least now he could finally claim her as his with no one to stop him. No Kris. No anything.

Will you marry me?

He had a last minute debate with his inner self on how to pop the question. Would ‘will you marry me?’ sound better than ‘will you be my wife?’ he had to think about his facial expression if she said yes – and no, even. He had to think of what to say to her after. Should he kiss her? Hug her? Say ‘thank you’?

What the hell.

‘No, it’s different, Sehun, I just know it is!’ he shouted, clearly pissed off that his own boyfriend was not believing him.

‘Listen, Luhan, Kris is out of town. He couldn’t possibly head out to the Philippines even if he knew!’ Sehun tried to calm Luhan down but was only worsening the situation. Luhan, who was sure he was feeling something that wasn’t nice, was pulling out of Sehun’s firm hold.

‘That’s the point! He’s out of town and I’m sure he’s headed there! Don’t you know Kris? He’ll do anything to get her, Sehun, please listen to me!’

‘I am, Luhan! I’m listening to you! But sometimes you’re just being too irrational! Would you please stop overthinking things for once? Think about it, Luhan. He won’t waste his time to follow some girl he just met and claim her. Even I won’t do that,’ he commented harshly.

Luhan’s face softened. What?

‘What if I were her, Sehun? Wouldn’t you fight for me?’ he asked, changing the topic into the one he’s been trying to avoid ever since. Sehun gulped, but kept a straight face. He looked to his side, ‘I.. I don’t know, Luhan. If it’s not for the better, then I guess not..’

Luhan teared up. So their relationship was just that shallow?

For a moment, he felt envious of Katherine. At least Kris was willing to fight for her. But no, he should be worried at the moment, not envious. And right now, this conversation with Sehun was over. And stupid. And over.

It would hurt, it would be difficult. But facing a man who had the ability to lie to her was more painful than what she would have to face from now on. He loved that man dearly. She couldn’t live with him knowing that he had something he was keeping from her. That was not the relationship she wanted.

Not being able to handle the pressure anymore, Jongdae stood up from the chair he was sitting on for some time now and decided to look for her himself. He exited the room, was greeted by Suho’s maids, and was greeted by Suho himself.

‘Don’t you have work today?’ he asked Suho. Suho, who was reading a newspaper, shook his head, ‘too boring. They could handle work themselves.’ Jongdae scoffed in disbelief.

‘Have you seen Katherine?’ he asked as he got a glass of water. Suho hummed, ‘nope. Haven’t seen her since last night. Isn’t she in your room?’

‘Wouldn’t have asked if she was, Suho,’ he laughed. He stared out the kitchen window. It was a sunny morning. Perfect for a picnic. He smiled. Maybe they should go on a picnic today. And maybe that’s when he should ask the question -- underneath a mango tree, with children playing kites and the breeze flowing through them. Perfect.

He hurried himself up, tried his best not to let his emotions explode even before he could express them to her.

He went inside the room and opened up the closet so he could change into a better looking outfit when he saw a piece of paper at the bottom part of the closet.

I don’t know what love is, Jongdae. Tell me, what is love to you?

I thought love was what two people share when they are happy together.. when they are in terms with each other. But I guess I’m not sure what love is anymore.

If love is lying in front of a person.. if love is making excuses and ignoring a person’s feelings.. if love is choosing to hurt a person twice when we know we’ve done wrong the first time..

..then I don’t love you, Jongdae.

If love is managing to hurt a person for the second time even though we’ve been given our first and second chance not to do so then I guess..

It was like all of his power drained from him and he couldn’t move anymore. Silly how words could paralyze him. It was like he was now carrying all the burden of the world. It was like he was dropped into an endless pit and he couldn’t move up. He was drowning. Or so it felt like his chest was being filled with water. Ironically, his eyes spilled some.

Tell me this is a joke.

No matter how he tried to change the words that were written just by staring at the paper, all he could do was smudge the writing by his own tears.

No.

It’s impossible. She wouldn’t leave him, would she? She couldn’t. Where would she go? She had no one in that place. No one but him.

Please tell me I’m reading wrong.

The words were still there. Apparently, his tears weren’t enough to change what was written. And what had already happened. All his tears could do was to blur out his sight, and maybe erase the writings on the paper. But no, it couldn’t do any more.

Baby?

His inner self was calling her – she was supposed to be there with him. Maybe snuggling on the bed. Maybe having a picnic outside. Or maybe, just maybe, getting married.

But maybes are just full of crap.

Kat, no.

No. His mind delved in thoughts. Was there something he has done? Why was she being suspicious all of a sudden? Last time he knows, he loved her. But what was she talking about?

He didn’t lie to her, right?

Those ‘I love you’s  he’s been telling her were all real. Those moments together were all real. He couldn’t possibly go wrong when he’s never been this sure his entire life. He loves her. He couldn’t have been mistaken.

‘Where are you?’

He heard her chirpy and sweet voice in his mind. I’m here, baby. Where are you? He sniffed. He couldn’t possibly go wrong.

‘Hi, baby.’

Where are you, baby? He kept asking in his mind. He was at war with himself. He couldn’t possibly be wrong.

‘I’m fine, babe, are you coming home soon?’

I’m sorry I didn’t, Kat. He was losing it. He should’ve just asked her the question last night. He shouldn’t have waited. He couldn’t possibly think wrong.

‘Yeah, uh, I’m coming home in a few. Just catching up with friends, babe.’

‘Uh, you know, still with the guys.’

‘I uh- sorry if I didn’t tell you sooner, Kat, I’m with Chanyeol and Xiumin. You know the boys.’

‘Uh, just an old friend, Kat.’

‘I won’t do it again, Kat, I’m sorry.’

‘How could you not care about what I feel?’

NO. For a moment, he stopped breathing. And not just because he thought of something disturbing, but because he thought of something impossible.

No. What was he saying no to? The fact that he had feelings for Andrea, or the fact that there might have been a slight chance of Katherine knowing he was with Andrea?

She couldn’t have known. He laughed sarcastically, she couldn’t have seen us.

Right?

She felt nauseous. She felt tired, hungry, and sick.

Life was sickening. With that thought, she rushed to the bathroom and let out her frustrations out on the sink. She had to cough out a lot of times. She stared at her reflection, only to feel her guts churning inside her stomach once again. Gripping onto the sink, she hastily lifted her head. What is going to happen of her now? She was vomiting and she was weak. She was hungry but she didn’t want to eat.

He sat down on his bed. It was uncomfortably empty. The space beside him was unoccupied. He wanted that, right?

He did use to hate it when Sehun kept on crawling onto his bed at night, right?

But it didn’t feel as satisfying now as before. The empty space symbolized their empty relationship. What was he to Sehun really?

His realm of thoughts was broken by a phone call. Furrowing his brows, he answered, ‘Jongdae?’

‘Luhan.’

‘Oh my god, why are you crying? Is everything alright? It was a different story when a woman cries. But it was an entirely different story when a man does.

‘Katherine.. she.. she..’ Jongdae sobbed, adding to the weight that Luhan was already feeling inside his chest. Every sob meant a new weight to Luhan’s heart. He couldn’t bear to hear him cry. No, Jongdae, please don’t.

‘She left, Luhan, she left me..’ he broke into tears yet again and made unpleasant sounds at that. He didn’t care, though. Katherine was all he cared about.

He could hear Luhan shuffling on the other line before asking, ‘why? What do you mean she left you?’ He sounded more angry than comforting and it made him feel bad even more. It really was his fault, was it?

‘I don’t know, Luhan. Damn it, I’m so confused,’ he replied honestly. He really didn’t have a clue. And he was hoping that Luhan would give him some kind of hope and that Luhan would somehow tell him everything’s going to be okay just like before.

‘She called me a day ago, she told me she felt like you were cheating on her. Is it true?’

What? Why would she feel like that?

‘No, Luhan. That’s not true and you know that!’ and so does she.

‘Were you with Andrea? She knows, Jongdae, she knows,’ Luhan answered back – more of accused.

He didn’t know what to feel. On one side, there was panic. On the other, there was pain. But it all equaled to one: he felt stupid.

‘W-what?’ he tried to clarify, only to get his heart broken once more.

‘She called me and told me you went out with Andi. At first I didn’t believe it, but come to think of it, are you really-‘

‘No,’ was his firm answer before adding, ‘Luhan, I love Katherine with all of my heart and I won’t ever do anything to hurt her. Andi’s been of help to me for the past two days to make my proposal perfect, Katherine must’ve misunderstood..’

‘I got.. I got to go, Luhan,’ he ended the call. He stood up and wobbled off the room.

‘Suho, can I borrow your car please?’ Suho looked at him warily. He’s not drunk, right? Suho could only wonder as he saw how wasted Jongdae looked like. A while ago he was all giddy and jumpy and now he was a sobbing mess.

‘Is everything alright, Jongdae?’

Her tummy was grumbling and she couldn’t stand up for even a minute as she would just feel the world crashing down her shoulders. She had been to the bathroom once or twice just to vomit. Seriously? She couldn’t hate the fact that Jongdae wasn’t with her even more than she does now.

Why now?

She thought and thought – not that she had other things to do. She remembered the time when she saw Kris and displeasing at it may seem, she still could afford to smile. But she wasn’t fond of him – no, she smiled thinking how idiotic things have gone her way. She remembered when she saw Jongdae’s face again, and all the other times when she saw his face next to her. Those were some good times. She thought about their trip going here. How he whispered words of reassurance to her and how he made it seem that moving to a different country with nothing else but themselves was the best plan they could ever do. She loved the thought – the thought of establishing a new life with him.

But where was he now? Why did she leave?

She thought of their date the other day. It felt like centuries since it happened. She thought of the foods and her tummy started to grumble once more. Was she hungry? Upon realizing that maybe she is, the image of Jongdae with that woman flashed through her mind and she couldn’t help but gag. Almost immediately, she wanted to puke and she rushed to the bathroom to do so. The thought alone was depressing enough, but seeing the image over and over again in her mind was a different story. She held onto the sink as she felt her stomach empty. She wondered if she had eaten too much to just throw out everything.

He’s been driving around, one hand on the steering wheel, and another on the phone he was listening to. The constant ring of the phone was quite annoying and he doubted when he would be able to erase the sound from his mind.

She wasn’t answering. Why would she, anyway? She wouldn’t leave only just to answer his calls later on, right?

The feeling of fear and worry was taking over him. He was mentally cursing at everything – at the cars in front of his, at the blue sky that was turning dark, and even at the birds that were flying with one another. At least they’re together, his conscience said. It bugged him out even more.

‘ this!’ his hand threw the phone away and made its way to the steering wheel once more. His grip was so tight that the wheel might’ve broken if he didn’t release it soon. Realizing that it’ll get him nowhere if he just vented his frustrations out, he grabbed his phone and texted her instead.

Baby, where are you?

Please, reply.

Kat, where are you, baby?

Kat, please..

The airplane just landed, with the same greeting as it normally plays. He groaned, partly because of a badass jetlag and partly because of the crowd. He wasn’t used to crowds. He was used to being alone. Working alone. And basically, just being alone alone.

He breathed in the air as he stepped down on Philippine lands.

Where do I start?

For one, he didn’t know anyone in the country. And one more thing, he surely didn’t plan on meeting friends. He was here for one reason and that was what he would claim: Katherine.

In addition to Jongdae’s life, of course.

He hailed a cab and said his destination, ‘Manong, sa Manila Hotel.’ (‘Take me to Manila Hotel, mister.’) The cab driver looked at him weirdly before he nodded hesitantly. Kris looked so fierce and it kind of was intimidating.

When he arrived, he booked a room and settled himself inside. Staring at the view of Manila Bay, he wondered, ‘Where are you, Katherine?’

He was immobile the whole day. And worst part of it was that he didn’t care. He wasn’t the type who would lie down in bed all day. Normally, he would be out with Sehun or be at Kris’, but since both of his usual companions weren’t available, he took the liberty of accompanying himself.

His thoughts wandered off to a different topic. He didn’t want to think of anything stressful at the moment since he just didn’t want to think about them. God, why is this so hard?

That’s when he remembered Kris. So much for not thinking about stressful matters. This matter was probably the most stressful he had to face. Kris was a stubborn man. What Kris wants, he gets.

Where is he? He tried to dial the man, but to no avail, he didn’t answer. Maybe he was busy? Busy with what? He hoped his early presumptions were wrong – he hoped that Kris didn’t follow them there.

He didn’t have a car, but at least he still knew the places. After all, there weren’t much change in them.

He was at Eastwood City in Makati touring around. He wasn’t oblivious of the women staring at him like he was some god, of course. He always dressed to impress. Even if he didn’t, it always came out naturally still. He was on his way to a mall in the middle of the city when he bumped into a woman. Her stuffs were scattered all over the place and it made her grumble in annoyance.

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but next time-‘ she turned to face Kris with her brows furrowed.

A moment of silent staring was shared between the two of them before he spoke, ‘oh my. Look who we have here. Andrea Kwon,’ he held her in his arms and smiled warmly, just the person I needed.

‘K-Kris? What are you doing here?’ she asked as she bended down, aiding Kris as he started to pick up her stuffs.

‘Nothing really, just reminiscing old times,’ he smile warmly and he saw her blush. Oh please. He inwardly smirked as he still had her wrapped around his finger. ‘You? What is the gorgeous Andrea Kwon doing here? Done being a model?’ he smiled sheepishly at her and she indeed, was blushing.

‘No, actually, I own  a small shop here,’ she said shyly. He smirked, ‘oh, turning into a businesswoman, are we?’

‘Well, kind of, look Kris, I have to go. It was nice bumping into you here, though,’ she said as she smiled.

But he wouldn’t let her go that easily, ‘mind giving me your number? Weird, but I missed you, Andi,’ he fired her his smile and she immediately softened. Works all the time, Andi.

‘Uh, s-sure,’ she typed in her number on his phone.

She had her head in between her hands. She was clasping her throbbing head so hard that it just worsen. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling now. Mixed emotions were running wild with her probably-running-wild hormones as well.

No, it can’t be.

Why was life turning its back on her all of a sudden? She was wronged – she didn’t do wrong. Why would life be so cruel to her right now? It was just so unfair.

She held the little things in her hands. Why would you lie to me?! She shook the things violently and all of them fell down on the floor immediately. Yes, she was wronged – she didn’t do wrong.

She grabbed her phone even though she didn’t know what to do with it. Should she throw it away? Should she stare at it? For a moment, her common sense wasn’t active. She looked at the little things that were sprawled across the floor. There were five or six of them and they were taunting her with inexplicable horror which will haunt and scar her for life.

No! Stop looking at me! She was kicking the sticks away, as if they were insulting her.

Maybe they were.

No! Don’t lie to me! Would it matter? It wouldn’t change a thing anyway.

‘Sweetie?’

That voice. She hasn’t realized that she dialed Luhan’s number. It just came out like something she was used to do.

She held the phone to her ear, ‘L-Luhan..’

No! Please stop lying to me! Don’t look at me like that!  She stared at the sticks as if they were doing her harm. They were just telling you the truth, Katherine, don’t push them away, something inside her head said. She shook her head as she heard Luhan’s voice.

‘Sweetie? Are you alright? Jongdae’s-‘

‘No!’ she shouted as she shut her eyes tight. No, please, no. She was begging everything to stop. Stop the madness. Stop the time. Stop her life. Please.

‘Kat, please tell me where you are. I’m so worried about you!’

Sorry.

‘Kat, please, Jongdae has to know too,’ his voice sound desperate. She was desperate.

‘Luhan..’ her voice was trembling. She was clutching her shirt with her other hand as she sobbed, ‘L-Luhan..’

‘Katherine, please tell me what’s wrong!’ Luhan was frantic. He was panicking.

‘Luhan..’

She stared at the sticks. No, please stop.

Those red marks won’t ever change, Katherine, her inner self said.

‘Sweetie, please, just tell me what’s going on. Please,’ Luhan pleaded.

‘Luhan.. I’m pregnant.’

Chapter twenty-five, done :)

Uh oh T^T

What do you think? Thoughts and comments are welcomed! ^^

Last five chapters ahead so please do..

Stay tuned, yes? ♥

P.S. I just thought of how I'm gonna miss writing for you guys :( When this fic ends, school starts -___- :'( Oh well I will make the best of the remaining chapters of this story so please do stay with me until the end! Thank you! ♥