The letter
BEAUTY & THE BEASTthis is the letter Chanyeol wrote to Kris
Dear Kris,
Its funny how im starting this letter, with dear. I know normally you start a letter like this, but as i put my tongue in the tip of my mouth to say dear, it sounds weird. But theres no other way to start this, so lets pretend you are my dear Kris. My lovely Kris. I hope this letter wouldnt end up with one of us crying. So let's pretend for a minute
Thats this letter its going to end up with both of us laughing. And maybe with a kiss in the end. Lets pretend that much.
You dont see me, but as your reading this letter im looking at you. Please stop yourself from turning to look at me, because if you do i might just rip the letter from your hands, and kiss you. Please ignore me, and continue this letter that took me hours to finish.
So i guess this is the time that i tell you about my feelings.
Four years ago, i was in school excited to finish so i can go to college and study something my parents can be proud of. But my happiness was only going to last for so long. And when i thought life was going to swallow me into a black hole, Baekhyun appeared. He was the person i need it, and i was the person he need it.
He didnt care that i didnt finish school, and instead of having serious smart conversations, i was having a dumb ones with him. He didnt care. And that made me love him even more. One day Baekhyun told me, that he sees us together forever and ever. I told him how cheesy he sounds, and that forever was not always forever, but he assure me that for us it would be forever.
Thats the moment when i saw myself with him. Sometimes if i think hard enough i can still feel his lips against mine. His hand in my chest telling me he loves me. If i think hard enough all of those moments come to me. By this point your probably thinking why am i telling you this. You dont want to know about how much i love when Baekhyun touches me.
I just want you to know, that your something different. Your like a whole new world to me. And that hurts. I wish i could remember you. I wish i could be my oldself but to still feel free like i do now. Tell me Kris, when did you figure out that i had feelings for you? did you notice? or was i good in hiding it. I wish i could tell you how you made me feel back then, so im gonna tell you how you make me feel right now.
When you were sending me away, its when my heart snap. I could feel the warm liquid all over my body. My heart couldnt seem to beat, because you were sending me away. I was scared of that feeling, because Baekhyun never made me feel this way. I thought maybe it was a good thing, maybe it meant i love Baekhyun more. But that question erase from my mind, when your lips touch mine.
It was a bittersweet feeling. I know what i was doing was wrong, but i was more afraid of not tasting your lips. You made me forget Baekhyun, the person i have seen myself to be with, forever and ever. Tell me who has the curse now? maybe Baekhyun was my curse, and you set me free. Maybe its not right calling Baekhyun a curse.
But see how you make me think now.
You dont know but its 12am right now, and i can hear completely silence around the house. I hate silence. Baekhyun would always snore, so the room was never quiet. You know decisions can cause harm. And the last thing i want is to cause you harm. But Luhan's words keep repeating in my brain.
I can end your curse with a 'i love you'. The problem is i dont know if what i feel about you is strong enough. What if i cant break your curse? whats going to happen with us? Would you blame me for not breaking the curse? is my mind going to be erase again, so i wouldnt remember this? Im scared. But i feel like i have my decision.
By the time your finish reading this letter, i wouldnt be in the room anymore. I wouldnt be in the house either. Im going back home, but please dont follow me. Dont call me, or ask for me. Can you pretend i dont exist for alittle while? just pretend we never met. You have to understand that to be completely yours, i have to end my forever.
Baekhyun doesnt deserve me, i cant keep on hurting him. And maybe then, my heart can be full of you. Remember how you ask me for a favor, when we were in the car. Can i ask for favor? Even when im done with Baekhyun, im not gonna return to you. I want to be someone thats worth being with you. Someone that even me can feel proud of.
And when that happens, if we met again, and you still love me then, then i'll be with you.
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