"I love him"
BEAUTY & THE BEAST
I get home, and Kris wasnt here. All day everyone want it to know what happened to me yesterday. The only person who didnt care was Luhan and for the first time i want it to hang out with him. I know they care, and they want to know why i was missing for 9 hours. But everytime i think of mentioning something about yesterday, the broken face of Baekhyun appears in my mind.
And it makes me sad.
How can i tell them that my boyfriend, and my friend left me. That they dont want to know nothing about me. Thats is either them, or Kris. Im afraid to tell them incase they go all beast on Baekhyun or Jongin, and end up killing them.
I put my bagpack next to the door, and i go to the kitchen. Kris was probably in his father company, so he'll be here in an hour or so. I open the refrigerator and there was still soup that i made yesterday, after Kris picked me up from the park. I take it out, and i turn the stove on. I open the refrigerator again, and i take some vegetables out.
Kris needs more protein. I take my headphones out of my pocket and i put them on, since the house is all quiet it makes me think more than i should. I plug the headphones to my phone, but my phone's battery die. Since i didnt know that, and i already start it to cut the vegetables i didnt want to touch my phone. I turn around to watch my hands first, when I hear someone opening the door.
"Chanyeol!" it was Kris, i wait for Kris to come to the kitchen so he tell me about his day. "Chanyeol, i know that you dont want to talk about last night, and i know i shouldnt tell you things like 'i love you' but i was thinking about this all day." I stop washing my hands, but i leave the water running. I dont turn around, since my heart is beating fast, and my big ears are burning.
"when you find out that i turn into a beast, you stayed....and i know the reason is more than just because you need it a job. I think because deep inside your confused, i think you like me the same way i like you, and i know i might love you more, and i know that i turn into a beast everynight...and i dont know if you find it gross or scary..."
I can hear my heart beating so loud in my hears, "but you love me, and if you confess your feelings to me...you can break my curse, and we can be happy together. No more being a beast, and you would never be afraid anymore, and i dont care that i might love you more...because lets just face it, the person that loves the most always suffers, but when it comes to you...i dont care,"
"so what do you say Chanyeol?" everything is spinning so fast, the confession was to lovely. But me and Baekhyun barely broke up, and i was still pretty sad for that. I couldnt confess my hiding feelings to Kris. So i turn around, and i lie to his face. "oh hi, i didnt hear you coming in" I take one of my headphones out, Kris face look like it was going to drop to the floor.
"i-is something wrong?" Kris stays like for a moment, before he starts to shake his head slowly. "no....j-just forget it" "uhm, okay...the food is almost ready" Kris puts his hand in his pocket, and the other in his stomach. "im not hungry, im just gonna go upstairs for awhile....uhm dont forget to go to Krystal's home when the clock rings"
I nod, and Kris goes upstairs.
I feel even more like crap now.
It was lunch time, and everyone in the table are talking. I keep looking down, the guilt couldnt leave me. And deep inside i didnt want the guilt to leave, i deserve to be like this for what i did to Kris. It was a punishment. "Chanyeol are you okay?" Sehun comes closer to me, and i nod. "you dont look okay" I look at him, and i try to smile.
"im just not hungry" Sehun stares at me, for what it feels like an hour. "guys can me and Chanyeol have some privacy?" Sehun looks at everyone in the table, Luhan is the first one to grab his things, as he was passing by me he hits me in the head with his bagpack. "sure its not like this our table" the two 'twin' brothers say at the same time.
They were back to normal.
Lay looks at Sehun and me, he was the only person who look at us with a kind look. "so now tell me the truth" I grunt as i mess my hair. "Kris confess his feelings to me" "he has done that before no?" I nod, "but this was more detail, i can tell he really mean those words....it just so sweet to hear them, to actually know that Kris has those thoughts about me"
"whats the problem really? i can tell you like him too"
I look at Sehun, if he knows that i like him why didnt he stop me? he said he was going to protect Kris from me, that i didnt need to give Kris anymore reason for him to like me. I barely broke up with Baekhyun, and he doesnt even know that. "i dont know..."
"what are you gonna do with Baekhyun?" I look down at my hands, "he broke up with m-me yesterday" Sehun starts to smile, this was not something you can just easily smile. Even if you didnt like the guy. "dont smile, it hurts me....Baekhyun is the only person i truly love" "until you met Kris"
"i dont love Kris" Sehun hits me in my hand, like when i kid does something wrong. "why did you hit me?" "because you lie to me" I touch my hand cause the hit really did hurt. "i didnt" Sehun hits my hand again. "stop it!" "say it!" he tells me as he looks at me, so serious. "say what!?"
"that you love Kris"
"i cant" Sehun hits me
"say it!"
"no"
"say it! damn it!!"
"fine! i love him okay," I yell, when i realize what i said i take a big breath. "i love him" Sehun smiles again, "finally" I put my head down, how could i be saying things like this when i lost the person i love. "what am i going to do Sehun? am i a cheater?"
"yes"
I press my face more to the table, if that was possible. "thanks for you honesty" "im kidding, your not" I look at Sehun, "but now that you know your true feelings, you can confess your feelings to Kris, like he did to you" I put my head on the table again, "about that..." Sehun grabs me by my hair and pulls me up, so he can see my face. "what did you do?" surprisingly, it didnt hurt.
"i pretend it that i didnt hear his confession" Sehun lets go of my hair, "why would do something like that?" "because i was scared..." Sehun sighs, "fine then your going to be the first one to confess" I grunt again, "love is hard"
"sorry my friend, but you made it like that....if you didnt hide your feelings in the first place, we wouldnt be in this mess" I look at Sehun with angry eyes, i need to find a kind friend.
I get home and i put my bagpack in the same place i always do. "Kris?! where are you?" I run to the kitchen, but he wasnt there. When i go back to the livingroom, Kris opens the door. "oh i was looking for you" Kris smiles, but it was a weird one. "i have something to tell you" Kris grabs my hand, and takes me to the couch. He lets me sit down first, before he does.
"good cause i have something to tell you too" my hands are shaking, but Kris doesnt notice. "if you dont mind, i'll go first" I nod, and Kris opens his mouth. "i talk to Baekhyun," my hands stop shaking, "he told me what happened, and i feel responsible so i beg him to take you back" my hearts begins to feel weird, somehow it didnt want to go back to Baekhyun.
"i told him that it was my fault, that i was stalking you and i pushing you to like me...but you finally yell and told me to stop, Baekhyun said he was sorry" i bite my lip, as i keep looking at Kris. He didnt notice my expression because he keeps looking down. "i had to lied to him, but he said you can come back to him, whenever your ready..." Kris lets go of my hand, and looks at me.
"dont worry about me, im gonna take care of the company we have in China...the school is already payed, and Baekhyun said is okay if you want to keep going to school" why is he breaking my heart? "im gonna leave tonight, you can stay here as long as you want...but i know Baekhyun is waiting for you, thank you for staying with me...and im sorry that i hurt you"
I can tell Kris is confused, he wants to stay but he also wants to go to China. And i want to stay with him, but i guess we cant have what we want. So i close my lips, and i let him go. I lost my chance to confess my true feelings to him, and time was not kind to me. And i deserve this. "i have to go pack" Kris slowly stands up, he walks towards the stairs and stops.
"oh you want it to say something, what is it?" Kris looks at me, i look at him then at my hands. I stand up, and i laugh like an idiot. "today at soccer i hit the ball so hard it hit Luhan in the head" Kris chuckles, he loves Luhan but he also knows Luhan always bullies me. Plus Luhan getting hit in the head was funny. Even when it didnt happen.
"good job Chanyeol," Kris smiles and goes upstairs.
It was 12pm, and i was still laying down in the couch. Kris had left this morning, with a big smile in his face. And just like the pathetic person that iam, i smile like an idiot and i watch him leave. I didnt know it was going to hurt this much, i feel empty and sad.
Sehun didnt call me because he knows why i didnt go to school. How can i go to Baekhyun, when i feel something for someone else? I put a pillow to my face, and i try to suffocate myself. Suho's name pops in my head. He can erase my mind, i can forget Kris. I wouldnt have to feel empty and sad. I stand up, and i put my shoes.
I run to the end of the street to take a bus. I get in, and i sit down. I know Kris is never coming back, that company was now his and he didnt have a reason to come back home. I know his cousins are going to visit him, they probably have their annual dinners over there. So why live a hopeful life, when his not coming back.
The bus stops, and i get out. The hospital that Suho works on Wednesday's was at the end of the street. I hope his not busy, because i couldnt wait. I grab my phone, and i look through my contacts and i see Kris name. I look at it, and the more i look at it the more i feel sad. I click on it, and a little window pops out
'do you want to delete this contact?'
cancel ok
I click ok, and Kris name disappears. I stop infront of the hospital, and i take a breath. I go in, and i stop a nurse "is Dr. Suho here?" she goes to the computer, to check. "yes, his down the hall" "thank you"
I walk to the direction the nurse said, my hands are getting sweaty. Im nervous. I doubt it was going to hurt, but it was the thought of forgeting Kris that is making me nervous. I see the room thats down the hall, and i knock. "come in" I open the door, and Suho was writing something in one of those doctor patient documents. "oh Chanyeol, come in" Suho stands up, and i enter the room.
I sit down, and Suho does the same. "what can i do for you?" "you can erase minds, right?" Suho puts the pen away, "whats this about?" "Kris left, and i-i just want my mind to be erase" Suho looks at me, "this is not how it works Chanyeol"
"i love him Suho, and he left...i dont think i can be able to feel normal again..."
"are you sure you want to do this?" I nod, "even if in the process you forget Sehun, Minseok, Jongdae and me?" I stay quiet, if i do this im gonna lose more than i expected.
But feeling empty and sad, it was something that im not strong at. And more when i have to look at Baekhyun in the eyes, and continue to tell him that i love him. "y-yes"
"okay" Suho stands up, just to sit down next to me. "close your eyes" I close my eyes, and i wait patiently. "is not going to hurt"
I open my eyes, and im in a hospital room. "where, where am i?" I try to blink so my sight can come back. The doctor is moving a light infront of my eyes, and i know i have to follow it.
"do you know who iam?" He takes the light away, and i look at him. His face didnt come to mind, i didnt know who he was. I try so hard to think, but nothing. He continues to look at me waiting for an answer.
"n-no, i dont know who you are"
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haha omg what did i just do?
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