Revealing the Past

I was totally in surprised on how my date with Sehun turned out to be with Joonmyeon like this. My mind cannot process all that was going on. What was this all about? I really can’t understand. Why… why did Sehun said that Joonmyeon and I have to talk and clear things up? Was it about what happened that night? Was it about the kiss? But how… how did Sehun knows about that? My mind was in a mess. There were so many questions screaming in my head. Every seconds that ticking, an aching feeling was creeping inside my heart and it became harder and harder to breathe. I clasped my hand together infront of me and place it over my lap to ceased its shaking. We were both silence. No one has the guts to say something. Trying to wait who would speak first. It was really a cold night and my nervousness added up to the chill that I’m feeling right now that made me shivered. I stooped my head down to look at my cold trembling hand. I closed my eyes hoping it would ease this uneasiness I’m experiencing. Then something warm touches my hands. And once again, that electrifying sensation creeped out from my hand throughout my body… a sensation that sends butterflies to my stomach… that my heart suddenly wants to jumped out because of it’s fast thumping … that magical feeling that only one person could cause these… Joonmyeon… Joonmyeon was holding my hands. Then I felt one on his arm wrapping around me as he pulled me closer to him. He was back hugging me, leaning his head on my shoulder…

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered softly in my ear. “I’m really sorry, Ye Eun~ah.”

“That again… why? Why do you keep apologizing? I really don’t understand.” I said back. Everytime I hear him apologize like that my heart felt like being stabbed repeatedly. It really hurt so much that I didn’t notice that tears are coming out of my eyes already. “If it’s about that kiss… I… I… I really don’t mind… its okay.” I tried to pull out to his embrace.

“Don’t you remember?” He said as he holds me more tightly. I could feel the sadness in his voice. “…this place? Does it not remind you of something important?”

With that, I felt I was struck of something, that my body became numbed… a realization… He did remember… He knew… I turned to look at him and his embrace loosened up. We were gazing at each others eyes, seeing the yearning for each other. My hand reached for the pendant of the necklace around my neck and holds it tightly like trying to seek for support on it. My breathing became more uneven… and I really can’t hold it back anymore…

“Han Angel…” I uttered throwing myself to him. Embracing him with my heart pouring all the longing I felt for so long. I let myself cried it all out. I can’t contain all the happiness I’m feeling at that moment… He really remembered me. “I remember everything… all of it. I knew… I knew it all along that it was you. How can I forget? You’re the one who gave me something to live for. I’ve kept on coming here… I’ve always waited for you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if I pretended not remembering anything about this. I thought seeing that you’re doing fine was enough for me but you’ve hold a very special place in my heart. Since that time I saw you at that bus…” He paused caressing my hair with tenderness. He pulled my face closer to his until we felt each others breath… “Ye Eun~ah, I… I L--------” his words were interrupted.

“YE EUN~AH!” It was Baekhyun. He was standing not far from us. He was standing there with teary eyes looking at us with his hands on fist trembling on his sides.

“Baekhyun…” I uttered in surprise as I stood up seeing him. I felt something in my heart. It hurts so much. It felt being squeezed so hard it hurts. The pain was different from the hurt I felt with Suho awhile ago. I don’t know… but… it feels like guilt.

“Why? Why… Ye Eun~ah?” I could see on his eyes that he was asking for an explanation. I hide it from him… I did I lie to him… and it hurts seeing him like that… I saw tears falls down in his eyes as he turned away from us and walked pass through the other guys.

“Baekhyun~ah!” I called out to him. I was a bout to follow him when Suho hold one of my arms to stop me.

“Let’s leave him alone for now…” Suho said. I could see that he was sad too. All I can do at that moment was looked at Baekhyun walking away.

In every step he made has an equal stab in my hurt. I really felt guilty from hiding it all from him. Baekhyun~ah… I’m so sorry.

After that night everything was different. I was really happy knowing that Joonmyeon never forgotten about me but then again… I can’t help myself to be sad. Baekhyun’s face that night keeps on flashing back in my mind. It’s really breaking my heart. I can’t stop crying about it. I can’t sleep because of it. The guilt I am feeling is hunting me even in my dreams. I want to tell how sorry I am. I wanted to explain everything to him until he understand and forgive me. I tried to contact him so many times but he kept on rejecting my calls. A fear was starting to build up inside me… I fear of losing someone once again…

I’ve tried to do my daily routine as normal as I could but unfortunately I can’t. Since I kept spacing out and can’t concentrate on my work, my boss told me to take an indefinite leave at work. Even Choi ahjussi told me have some rest and don’t come to work for awhile after I told them what happened. So I stayed at home… since JiBin was at school most of the time… I was alone… thoughts and melancholy was eating me up…

“I can’t be like this… I need to see him… I need to talk to Baekhyun~ah.” I said talking to myself. I dialed his number on my phone. It rings and rings until it was cutted. I dialed once again… and again, it just rings and rings and rings… he’s not answering. I don’t know how many times I repeatedly called him until his phone was unable to reach anymore. He turned his phone off. “…what should I do? Baekhyun~ah…I’m really sorry… please…” I dialed his number once more but nothing… he really did turn it off. Tears welled up in my eyes. I cried and cried until I fell asleep at the couch.

Out of my knowledge, Suho was outside my house at that time. He was silently standing behind the door, just listening as I cry, restraining his self t