At the hospital…

I can’t believe that I was back into this hospital. It was the same hospital where my mom was taken when she got into that accident. With heavy heart I entered the place and look for Jibin’s father.

“Ahjussi…” I uttered when I saw him lying on the hospital bed in the ward. He looked at me, surprised.

“Ye Eun~ah… How did you know I’m here?”

“A nurse has called me. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine… you shouldn’t have come. The doctor said I was just over fatigue… nothing serious.” He explained.

I sat at the chair beside the bed. My tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Hey… hey… why are you crying?” he was suddenly alarmed seeing me crying. He tried to sit up but went back lying when he felt dizziness in his attempt.

“Ahjussi! How can I give Jibin back if you’re like this, huh?!” I growled at him. “I was so worried.”

“I’m so sorry.” He apologized lowering his gaze.

“I’m relieved that you’re okay, ahjussi.” I said as I hold his hand and curved a smile on my lips as I wiped my tears by my other hand. We were silent for a moment when the doctor came to inform that Junshik ahjussi can go home after a rest for that night.

“Ahjussi… do you have a place to stay when you’re discharge here?” I uttered after the doctor left.

“I guess I’ll return to the foundation for homeless where I stayed before until I regain back my strength.” He replied.

“Would you like to stay with us?”

“What?” he was staggered to what I just said.

“Please ahjussi, stay with us instead of wandering around.” I insisted. “Jibin… I know he wants to be with you. If you really want him back, please… just stay with us.”

He just nodded trying to suppress his tears and held my hand tighter. I could see the happiness in his eyes. I don’t know anything much about him but I could feel how much he long for his son, and who am I to be a hindrance for them to be together again. I don’t want Jibin to suffer what I had experience losing my parents.

I guess this is what I really should do… I made up my mind. I’ll do what is best for everyone.

I gave Junshik ahjussi a sincere smile.

The next morning, I took Junshik ahjussi home with me. After I let him settle in Jibin’s room I excused myself to him and said that I’ll be picking Jibin in Choi ahjussi’s house. On my way there, my head is filled with uncertainties. I wonder what Jibin would do if he saw his father and learn that he’ll be staying with us for good… I sighed.

“Noona!” Jibin called out running towards me when I got there.

“Hey!” I uttered in hugging him. “Jibin~ah, I have a surprise for you at home.”

“Really?!” he exclaimed excitedly and I just nodded to him, smiling.

“Ye Eun~ah, how are you?” Nayoung ahjumma greeted as she embraced me.

I wanted to show her that I’m fine but this pain in my chest was surging heavily inside. “Ahjumma, can I talk to you for awhile?”

She accompanied me inside the house and let the kids play in their garden. I told her what I have decided on. She listened to everything I said. I could feel her sympathy.

“Are you sure with all this?” she asked after. I just nodded. I can’t find myself to say anything anymore. I felt that the word would come out in my mouth is ‘no’ and I would take back what I have decided on. “So, your ahjussi was right. I know it would be hard for you. But always remember that we’re here for you… hmmm?”

I just nodded in response.

“Appa?” Jibin uttered as he saw the man who was waiting and standing in front of us as we got home.

“Jibin~ah!” his father said with tears creeping down his cheeks. He reached for Jibin and longingly embraced him. “Appa missed you so much.”

But Jibin just stood still. He looked at me with confusion marked on his expression. He somewhat looked like asking for permission. I smiled and nodded. He embraced back his father. “Appa!” he uttered again. I could see how they missed each other. Jibin cried. If I recall it, this was the only time I saw him cried again since the last night I have waken him from having a bad dream. I turned away and left them. I can’t help myself to envy Jibin. I don’t want to cry anymore but damn these tears that welled up on their own in my eyes.

I sighed.

That night I sneak out. I know Jibin and his father were already sounding asleep. I think it’s already eleven in the evening. My room is suffocating me in some reason, this pain in my chest just getting heavier and heavier. I wanted to breathe some air and I know a place I could do that and think. I tiptoed to get outside trying not to make any sound. I was about to open the door when…

“Ye Eun~ah…” Junshik ahjussi called out from behind. 

“Oh, ahjussi!” I was a little bit startled.

“I’m sorry… are you planning to go out? It’s kinda late already.” He said with concern.

I nodded. “Gonna go for some walk.” I said and smiled.

“Is that so… okay, just be careful,” he said.

“I will… thanks.” I was about to turn back and open the door when he called out again.

“Ye Eun~ah, thank you!” he uttered again. I just look at him and smile genuinely. I bowed to excuse myself out.

So, I’m here once again… at the Han River, a place where I could find solitude somehow. I was sitting curled up in the bench, hugging my knees. I was absorbed with my thoughts. Actually, I don’t know if I am thinking at that moment or my thoughts are just floating, I don’t know where, as I gazed blankly at the river. I don’t even realize that my tears were crawling out my eyes non-stop. I’m a mess. I felt so alone and empty. I’m missing my parents again. I wished that I could be with them, too. But I know that was impossible. There’s so many ‘what if’s’ running in my head. I can’t bear the pain in my chest anymore. I thumped it over and over. I wanted to scream as loud as I can but I didn’t. Instead, I just buried my face in my hands and cried out loud.

I don’t know how long I was like that but I suddenly felt a hand touched my head and gently caressing it.

“I had a feeling I’ll see you here.”

I look up to see who that voice belongs to. It was Joonmyeon… he was beaming a smile as he looked down at me. The same face I had kept deep inside my heart. That smile that had given me hopes when I was falling apart at this same place way back. He was standing again in front of me. I bit my lower lip to suppress my crying but I can’t. I cried even more. He sat down beside me. With his arm around my shoulder, he just let me cry… just like what he did before. I lean my head in his shoulder. I cried and cried and cried until there’s no more tears to shed.

I stopped crying but no one says anything. We sat in silence. I sighed. The stillness of the moment conquered the atmosphere. I sighed. Surprisingly, the heavy feeling in my chest was gone. However, the emptiness in my heart is still there… I sighed.

“I lost count already.” He mumbled all of a sudden. I lifted my head to look at him with wondering expression in my face. “You keep sighing and I lost track of how many times you did it.” He explained with a smirk in his lips.

I leaned back my head on his shoulder and heave a sigh one more time. “That’s because life is so unfair. As of this moment, I think that’s all I can do.” I sighed once more.

“What happen Ye Eun~ah?” I think he wanted to ask that from the moment he saw me.

“I met Jibin’s father.” I stated not looking