Yongguk looked at his quiet friend, with all of his nerves tingling. He could feel his hands shake slightly and there was a strong flutter of butterflies in his stomach. Himchan looked shocked, with widened eyes and his mouth hanging slightly open. The background noise almost faded away to nothing as he stood there, looking at his friend who did nothing. There was no answer and Yongguk increasingly felt he had made a mistake.

“Himchan,” Yongguk started, wanting to apologize, but his friend seemed to snap back to reality and looked at him in such a way that his words stopped in his mouth. Himchan looked so lost and you could practically see the gears turning in his head.

“Himchan,” he started again. “Let’s go home, we’ll talk there,” he suggested and his friend nodded slowly in agreement. Yongguk couldn’t help but feel he was going to be turned down. He had known there was a high chance of it, but he had still clutched to the hope of the opposite.

They dressed in silence and left the room. On the way Yongguk was stopped and congratulated by many of the people there, yet he still felt a chill in his gut. It warmed his heart that so many had liked his new songs and he appreciated them all. The impending heartbreak kept the smiles he threw at people away from his eyes.

Outside in the fresh air, he felt relief of not having to smile for everyone. Himchan didn’t look at him at all as they walked. He simply stared at the ground beneath their feet, as they walked in silence. Every single bad scenario that Yongguk’s mind could come up with, rushed through his mind. What if Himchan never wanted to see him again? What if they would part ways? Would Himchan move out and not even look back? And what if Himchan relapsed? With no one to help him, since he didn’t want Yongguk in his life anymore?

Silently they reached their block, silently they entered, silently they went inside their apartment, silently they took off their shoes. Everything was silent and it provided a free run for every bad thought in Yongguk’s mind. He wanted it over with. Just wanted to get it over with, that Himchan never wanted to see him again.

Himchan went into the kitchen and Yongguk followed. His friend opened his drawer of chocolate and chips, and took out some chocolate. When he sat down, Yongguk sat down opposite him. The other opened the package and started eating without a word or a look in his direction. Was this some kind of relapse? Had he pushed the other into a relapse? . What had he done? He should have just kept quiet.

“Yongguk, I-” Himchan started, but closed his mouth again. One word rung in Yongguk’s head. .

“Himchan, I’m sorry,” he apologized, before the other could continue whatever thought had been running through his mind. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have told you like that. I shouldn’t have told you at all.”

“No-” Himchan started, but Yongguk couldn’t let him finish it. He was too scared. So he rambled on.

“I know you don’t like me that way, and I shouldn’t have told you,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me, I didn’t think.”

“Yongguk-”

“I’m really, really sorry,” he apologized once more. “I’ll-”

“Yongguk!” Himchan interrupted and Yongguk looked up from the table to see his friend’s eyes in a whirl of emotions. A stubborn glare dominated them all though.

“Sorry,” Yongguk muttered and looked down again, waiting for the other to speak.

“I… Was that why you’ve helped me? Because you like me?” Himchan asked. “Not because I needed help, but because you just fancied me?”

Yongguk looked up from the table in surprise. Was he saying that Yongguk had only helped because of selfish needs?

“I thought you were different than that,” Himchan continued. “That you helped because I’m a person and then a friend. Not because of-”

“What? No, no, no,” Yongguk denied. “I helped you because you were in need of help and I could give you that. And then you became a friend and I slowly realized what a wonderful person you are and I fell for that,” he explained desperately. This was taking a turn he hadn’t expected.

Himchan nodded slowly and ate another piece of chocolate.

“I just, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you,” Yongguk mumbled and