Himchan stared at the phone in his hand. It had been collecting dust underneath his bed ever since that day. Turned off and dead to the world so he wouldn't have to deal with it. He had had to get down on his stomach and lie on the floor with his arm stretched to its full length to get it. The chocolate packs and bags of chips had pushed it further into the darkness underneath his bed.

Now that he had it in his hands again, he felt the weight of the world looming over him. This phone held a connection to Jongup that he had wanted severed and dead. He still didn't want anything to do with it. He wanted to run away.

But he had said he would talk to Jongup. Get closure as Yongguk had said. Something held him to those words that he had uttered, despite wanting to flee from it all more than ever. The sudden burst of courage that had taken him was gone.

So here he stood, in his room, with his phone in his hand, finger hovering over the on/off button. The phone was old fashioned. Buttons and no touch screen. It wasn't a smartphone. Two sides and the back were black, while the rest was silver. And it was all very unimportant but he didn't want to press the button that the phone.

He'd rather that Yongguk contacted Jongup. That would be so much easier. Then he could continue to hide a little longer.

He was such a coward.

The people he wrote about had so much more courage. Did more, lived life. But then again they were made up. They lived in a world that didn't exist.

Turning around he sat down on the edge of his bed. Sighing, he dropped his phone next to him and put his face in his hands. This was so stupid. Who knew it would be this hard to press a button. Pressing that button and actually contacting Jongup had nothing to with each other.

He would just be available in the world again. All those who had his number could reach him through that device. The world suddenly came closer. Too close.

He couldn't make himself do it. He needed help. Couldn't do this on his own. Falling back onto his bed, he looked at his ceiling. It was white and boring. He kept staring at it, eventually losing focus.

The world turned into nothing, as his mind cleared and numbed every sense. Time seemed to slow down and stop. An invisible wall was built around him protecting him from every danger that came with living.

A door opened loudly in the distance and the wall crumbled down. Time started moving again and every tiring thought and fear returned with full force.

He couldn't turn on his phone.

Footsteps came closer.

He couldn't turn on his phone.

The door to his room opened.

He couldn't turn on his phone.

“Himchan,” Yongguk's voice cut through the silence.

He just couldn't do it.

“I can't do it,” he told the other.

“Can't do what?” his roommate asked.

“I just can't,” he said as he kept staring at the ceiling. Footsteps came closer and he felt someone lie down on the mattress next to him.

“Can't call Voldemort?” Yongguk asked, the uncertainty of the suggestion clear in his voice. Himchan didn't answer. “I'll take that as a yes.”

They laid there in silence for a few minutes. The only sound was of their breathing and Himchan almost reached that blessed state of nothingness again.

“You could just text him,” the other suggested, shattering the silence to pieces that he wanted to glue back together and keep with him for the rest of his life.

“I can't,” Himchan said. There was a block, stopping him from going further. The motivation to go further was gone.

“You're scared,” Yongguk stated. Himchan stayed silent once again.

Yes he was scared. Scared of the world and the people in it. Moving and never speaking to people again sounded so easy and attractive right now.

Something touched his hand and soon after Yongguk's hand was wrapped around his own.

“If you can't do it yourself, I can help you. If you can't turn on the phone, I can do it for you,” he proposed but Himchan hurriedly shook his head. No. That phone couldn't be again. The world came too close. “Ok, then I can contact Voldemort for you. I told you I could do it, if you couldn't.”

Himchan stayed silent once again. He had a weird feeling in his gut. It felt like fear.

“It's ok to be scared. You've been through a lot and though I can't come close to knowing what it feels like, I know that every emotion is ok to have,” Yongguk told him in a soft voice. “Hardships leave their trace on you and shape you. All you can do is try and sometimes you'll fail. And that's ok,” he continued. Something stirred in Himchan's very soul as he heard those words. His gut twisted but it wasn't entirely out of fear this time.

“I have an idea,” the other said in a louder voice. It held the security of a plan. “We go cook something and then eat it. We'll then proceed to do the dishes and then I'll contact Voldemort before we go to bed,” he suggested.

Himchan thought about it for a couple of seconds. It didn't sound to bad.

“Ok,” he agreed. With that Yongguk let go of his hand and stood up. Himchan looked up at him.

“Let's go,” his roommate said and held out his hand.

He ignored the hand and got up himself.

Yongguk opened the back door and exited the building. He was nervous. He had been nervous all night. This had led to fumbling fingers and three destroyed g