Jonghyun’s POV

I woke up in a daze. The world was spinning around me. Or was it my head? I don’t really know. But at this point, I don’t think I know anything anymore. I don’t know if the things I do know are real or just fabricated to fill up the senseless holes in my life. I don’t know if there was anyone in this world that I could trust. Everything seemed to have betrayed me. I felt as if the world had turned its back on me...A bit melodramatic but yes.

I was just so tired of trying to figure everything out. I was tired of running in the same circle always returning to start of nothing. I had enough of going crazy and jumping on Minho every time he said something that I never want to believe.

All I ever wanted was Kibum and when I had finally finally caught hold of him, he told me things that completely threw me over the edge and straight down into a ditch. I really wonder when did all these messed up crap first started. 

I heaved a sigh as I fixed a stare on the white stretch of ceiling above my head. The hospital staff had rushed up to me when I had went berserk on Minho. I remembered vaguely the amount of punches I was giving him until they held me down and put me to sleep with an injection. I wonder how Minho was doing. I couldn’t have broken his nose or something right? But even so, I think he at least deserved that much after all the lies he had been telling me. I don’t even know if we were really friends or if that was just pretence on his part.

“We were friends. Real friends,” a voice spoke from the door.

I didn’t bother turning my head. “You’re the last person I wanna see right now.”

Minho shut the door behind him and walked towards me. “Well, you don’t get to choose who you want to see in the hospital. We choose to see you.”

I gave no reply to that. I wasn’t going to get into a pointless argument with him and get another shot to stay in here for another day. I want to get out of here quick so I can see and talk to Kibum.

Minho’s face came into view and I noticeably breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that I didn’t really do much damage to his face. His nose was still the same annoyingly arrogant and straight.

He smirked, catching that thought in my head. “I think you need to work on your accuracy.”

I returned the smirk as I sat up on the bed. “You want another taste of it?”

He shrugged to brush off the comment. “How are you feeling?”

“Melodramatic.”

He raised an eyebrow.

I kept a straight face. “I feel like I’m all alone in the quest of truth. I don’t think I can trust you or anyone for that matter. I don’t know if the life I lived all these times had been real. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

Minho chuckled lightly. “You’re right. I think you should be on a drama stage.”

I laughed lightly before sighing again. “Really, Minho. I’m exhausted. I’m just so exhausted with all the games you’re making me play against my will,” I looked into his serious eyes.

Minho took a breath, his chest swelled and then deflated. “Take a rest for today. And tomorrow-,” he paused. “Tomorrow, I’ll tell you everything.”

I blinked at him. “Are you being serious? Are you telling me the truth now?”

Minho gave me a small smile. “Yes, Jonghyun. I’m being serious and you can trust me on this,” he said as he made his way to the door.

“Check on Kibum for me, will you?” I asked.

“He’ll be discharged latest by tonight. It wasn’t anything serious to begin with, anyway.”

“That’s good,” I said monotonously.

Minho was at the door now. He stopped there with his hand on the knob. “You know you’re probably never seeing him again after this, don’t you?”

Then, he was out the door.

I laid myself back down on the bed. My eyes were once again fixed on the ceiling above me. “I knew that, Minho. I knew that.”

Kibum’s POV

“You’re staring at the door again.”

“Huh?” I directed my gaze away from the door to Taemin.

He folded his arms and stared hard at me. “You’ve been staring at the door from the moment I entered until now. Expecting someone else?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No, I wasn’t! You’re thinking too much!”

Taemin gave a face that says *I don’t believe you* and went, “uh- huh~”

Taemin had been here for an hour or so. He had barged into the room and immediately pulled me into a hug but it wasn’t one of his normal hugs. It was one that was filled with so many emotions raging all at once that I couldn’t pinpoint on any of them. He had felt different. He seemed different. It was as if he had grown and matured in that two days that I haven’t seen him.

Given any normal day, we would’ve been talking as if there was no tomorrow but right now, all we had was an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on forever. After all, I had run away from him when he pulled out the India trip card to avoid me digging answers about my past. And what’s more, I had been with Jonghyun. But then, in a way, I’m still annoyed with Taemin for keeping me in the dark all these times and at the same time, I wished that he would’ve done a better job at it so I wouldn’t have to find out about mum and dad.

I cleared my throat. “Anyway, how did you find me here?”

“Minho told me you were here,” he raised an eyebrow. “That’s the third time you’ve asked me.”

I cleared my throat again, fishing for something to say in my empty head. “So...so what’s gonna happen to our trip to India?”

Taemin locked eyes with me before heaving a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or not.”

The sudden confession surprised me and it pinched at my heart a little to see Taemin so helpless. I grabbed his hand into mine. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why do you say that? Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

He said nothing but just continued to stare into my eyes for a minute or so. Then, he asked “You know what?”

“What?”

“I’m just going to let you go. I’ll let you do whatever you want from now on. No more lies. No more closure. Definitely no more disguising as a girl. You’re going to do anything that makes you happy,” he stopped as if to process the words he just said. Then, he gave himself a nod. “Yes, that’s right. I think I can finally do this now. I think I can finally grow up and forget that I love you more than a friend should.”

I took in his words, my mouth hanging open. I did not just hear him say that. “Taemin...what are you talking about?”

He gave me a sad smile. “I think I never gotten around to tell you that you were my first friend. My only friend when I was bullied by the entire school’s population. You protected me and gave me that very sense of security and warmth whenever I was around you. And somehow, I think I have come to depend on your presence so much that I kept thinking that I could never live without you.”

Taemin barked out a dry laugh but I caught sight of a tear running down the corner of his right eye. “Pathetic, aren’t I? And I kept telling myself that after you’ve lost your memory, I could finally have you to myself. I could finally be the one to protect you instead of you protecting me.” Another tear ran down the side of his face. “Looks like the plan backfired.”

I squeezed his hand harder. I was at a loss of what to say. This sudden confession...it made me speechless and trust me when I say I hardly get speechless. I always have something to day to everything. Besides, I have never seen Taemin behave so vulnerable. I have never seen him shed a tear. It hurt me to see him like this.

“Hey...it’s going to be okay. We’ll work something out. We’ll still be together. We’re best friends and we will always be,” my words sounded like a question. It was like I was asking myself if we could remain as we were.

After all the things that had gone on these past months, everything felt different. Strange, even. Well, I guess it happens when the first thing you woke up to was a huge empty hole in your memory and a big fat amount of lies. Then, when you tried so hard to get out of the lies to realize that maybe the lies would have been the easier way to live than to remember what truth felt like.

Like right now, I wished that he didn’t tell me that he loved me. I wished that I could stay in my world of lies believing that we were friends. Just friends.

Taemin smiled another sad smile. “You see. You’re hurting me with that again.”

I gave him a confused look.

“You should understand that being friends will never be enough for me. I think that with me, it’s either you love me or you don’t. There’s no in between.”

I pursed my lips. What was I supposed to say? I do love Taemin. But I treat him like my son, my very precious son. The one that I love is Jonghyun. That’s why...I can’t bring myself to say that I don’t and can’t love Taemin more than a friend would.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything. I understand,” Taemin said and he discreetly wiped the tears away from his face. “Anyway, I think I’ll have someone to handle the cancelation of the India trip as soon as possible,” he said as he got up from the chair beside my bed. “And I’ll get someone to bring all your things to Jonghyun’s place.”

“What?” I blurted. “What happened in the two days when I was away that you’re making such decisions?”

Taemin looked into my eyes again as he said, “I guess I’ve grown up in your absence. I’ve learnt to see things from your perspective and I’ve learnt to let go. I was thinking a lot while you were gone. Well, at first, I was busy freaking out when I realized that you had run away. I went to Jonghyun’s house and all but then, after that I sat down and thought about everything that had happened. I thought about my actions and your reactions to them. I thought about what you wanted and you needed. I thought about a lot of things.”

I said nothing. I have never seen Taemin so serious before. I have never heard him sound so grown up and matured.

“And I think it’s best if you stay with Jonghyun from now on. You need to work things out between the two of you. You have to talk to him and tell him everything and in turn, het him to tell you everything. Only then will all this crazy mess be cleaned up. There’s no one else that can unlock your lost memories but him. You know that, don’t you?” he said.

I didn’t answer him but I know what he was talking about. I know it very clearly in my heart but like I had said to myself, it changes nothing. It doesn’t matter that I finally knew the source of all my pain and suffering. It makes no difference if I once loved Jonghyun and I still do because right now, all I could remember was my mum sacrificing her life for me and right now, that was all that mattered in my life. That was all the truth that I could handle right now. As for the rest of it, I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to know anymore.

“We’ll meet again someday, I hope.” Taemin smiled sadly from the door.

“Taemin,” I called out to him as I got out of bed. “I’ll go home with you to get all the things myself.”

“No, it’s alright. I can do it for you,” he said in a worried tone.

“I only fainted, Taemin. There’s really nothing wrong with me.”

He stood there for a minute contemplating if he should let me go with him.

“I’m really fine,” I stressed as I pushed him out the door in front of me.

You were right, Taemin. The only people that can help me get my memory back are Jonghyun and Minho but I don’t think I was read to know the rest yet. I need time to digest the truth that Jessica had told me about my mum first. I need a break away from all the craziness in my life. I need a break from Jonghyun that drives my world upside down in both a good way and a bad way. 

Author's Note

The two of them seemed to have gotten tried with all the drama I put them through...lols...and Taemin seemed to finally accept Jonghyun as Kibum's only love interest and is ready to let him go. 

And so...I have thought about it for a very long time and I have decided to hold on as long as I could. I will try my best to update whenever I can and hopefully, I'll be able to finish this fic with your support ^.^

Let's *FIGHTING* together!