DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

 

 

 

Picture: :D :D :D *my dorky BBs*

The poster was so accurate! Just by looking at it and the colors I could tell it was a funny bubbly aegyo story. 

And I was right :D

Foreword said pretty much everything even without telling much because it's a pretty common theme in fanfiction. 

 

Story:

So far the story has 6 chapters. They are considerably short so it doesn't take that long to read. 

And as I said, it is a very fluff, cute story. As far as the originality goes..... not so much. 

 

I kind of have to get technical with this story:

*SneakPeak*

“Jang Dongwoo! Did you just say sister!” shoot…. “….what would happen if I said yes hyung?” “I will hit you until you get a bruise.” “then no?” “LIAR!!!!” why are all of them so loud? Even them speaking by themselves. It’s even louder all together! “JUST SHUT UP!” I couldn’t take it anymore! All of them just shouting at each other. “IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP IN 5 SECONDS, I WILL PUSH ALL 7 OF YOU OUT OF YOU OUT OF MY DOOR AND YOU WILL SLEEP ON THE STREETS! EVEN YOU DONGWOO OPPA!” “WHO ARE YOU TO YELL AT US, YOU FAN GIRL!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OH NO HE DIDNT.  Sungyeol did not just yell at me. “Sungyeol, you have 5 seconds to run.” Dongwoo got wide-eyed at told Sungyeol to run. 5….. “ why should I run?” 4… “This crazy girl just yells at us for no reason!” 3…. “ 2…..” “Ae Cha!! Don’t hurt Sungyeol! Listen to your brother!” Oh, if Dongwoo wasn’t older than me, I would have hurt Sungyeol on the spot. And being the leader he is, Sungyu told us to sit on the couch. Sungyeol, however, being the stubborn kid he is, just kept yelling! “HYUNGS! HOW COULD YOU TRUST HER SO EASILY!” “ SUNGYEOL! JUST SHUT UP AND SIT ON THE COUCH!” well. That shut him up.. “ Thank you Hoya!!!” “ anyway, who are you?” do they still not know who I am after Dongwoo said sister like… 30 minutes ago? “ I will explain in like 5 minutes, just wait.. DONGWOO OPPA!!! I MISSED YOU!!” “Ae Cha!!! I missed you too!” We hugged and caught up and the rest of Infinite just stared at us like we were crazy. “ok… 5 minutes up. NOW WHO ARE YOU!” wow.. even the girly Sungjong can scream pretty loudly… “well, if you don’t remember what I said 30 minutes ago, Ae Cha here is my little sister.” ………. Silence for 1 minute.. not even 1 minute… more like 1 second. “LITTLE SISTER!?! HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD US ANYTHING!!” *SIGH* this is going to be a long night… “ just shut up and I will explain. And if ANY of you say one word.. just one word, I WILL hit you.. and it will hurt…” that shut all of them up.. well, like Dongwoo oppa said, I am his little sister. We decided to keep it a secret because I don’t want to get attacked by people asking me about Infinite. And Sungyeol, don’t say one word.” Sungyeol was about to say something until I stopped him. “Now, Dongwoo oppa, will you please tell me why you are at my door?” “well, our manager told us to find a place to live because our dorm was getting re-built, and I wanted to visit you, so I was killing two birds with one stone. :D” *sigh* “ fine, you guys can live here. Just make sure no one knows you live here ok?” all of them nodded except one…person.. “WHY DO WE HAVE TO LIVE HERE! WHY CANT WE JUST LIVE IN A HOTEL!” *SLAP!* All of Infinite’s jaws dropped as I slapped Sungyeol. “ I told you I would hit you.” They all ran to Sungyeol because he looked like he was in pain. I didn’t even hit him that hard… “you guys can talk now.. I won’t slap you.” “WHY DID YOU SLAP ME!” “ I told you. If you said something, that I will slap you. Anyways, I’m pretty tired, so I will go to sleep. And about yoyur rooms, I will arrange them. You guys are lucky I have a pretty big house. So, I have 3 extra rooms. Sunggyu oppa and Woohyun oppa will sleep in one room. Myungsoo oppa and Sungjong oppa will sleep in another. And Hoya oppa will sleep in the other. Dongwoo oppa can sleep in his own room.” “ what about me!?!” “sungyeol oppa, you will sleep on the couch for the week because I think you burst my eardrum… I let Hoya oppa have his own room for the week because he made YOU shut up and cause he was quiet the whole time I was talking.” “What about me!” 4 voices shouted at the same time. “Woohyun oppa, sunggyu oppa, Myungsoo oppa, and Sungjong oppa, just stay put. I will have you guys have your own room at least 5 times each month.. Happy?” they were all happy with that except one person… “thanks for putting me on the couch. Dsjfnskdfhksdfbjslkdfb” sungyeol grumbled and I smiled. “that was your fault Sungyeol oppa!” now, I have school tomorrow! Good night! Oh, and since Sungjong oppa still goes to school, you will go with me tomorrow! :)” “GOOD NIGHT INFINITE AND AE CHA!!” they all shouted and I was kinda happy. I was happy that the house was finally loud again. And maybe, I won’t be Kim Ae Cha anymore. We will find out tomorrow…"

 

Things I need to point out:

1. Why did you put that hugeeeee space between two paragraphs? Honestly it's one para! And because of that the reader can think the chapter is over... and many reader can just not scroll down to the next, but straight go to the other chapters. By that you are missing a lot of viewers. 

2. What's up with the 20 (?) font? It's wayyyy too big. Use a simple 14 or 16 they are easy on the eyes. 

3. Your paragraphing and quoting are kind of messed up (...) It made me frustrated and I wanted to quit reading. You have such a cute story, but your letting this petty mistakes make it less viewed. 

Let me show you a little more effectively. I am using ur chapter 2 (above):

 

 

“Jang Dongwoo! Did you just say sister!” * SHOOT!! “

"….what would happen if I said yes hyung?”

“I will hit you until you get a bruise.”

“then no?”

“LIAR!!!!” Why are all of them so loud? Even them speaking by themselves. It’s even louder all together!

“JUST SHUT UP!” I couldn’t take it anymore! All of them just shouting at each other.

“IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP IN 5 SECONDS, I WILL PUSH ALL 7 OF YOU OUT OF YOU OUT OF MY DOOR AND YOU WILL SLEEP ON THE STREETS! EVEN YOU DONGWOO OPPA!”

“WHO ARE YOU TO YELL AT US, YOU FAN GIRL!!” OH NO HE DIDNT.  Sungyeol did not just yell at me.

“Sungyeol, you have 5 seconds to run.” Dongwoo got wide-eyed at told Sungyeol to run.

5….. “ why should I run?”

4… “This crazy girl just yells at us for no reason!”

3…. “ 2…..”

“Ae Cha!! Don’t hurt Sungyeol! Listen to your brother!” Oh, if Dongwoo wasn’t older than me, I would have hurt Sungyeol on the spot. And being the leader he is, Sungyu told us to sit on the couch. Sungyeol, however, being the stubborn kid he is, just kept yelling!

“HYUNGS! HOW COULD YOU TRUST HER SO EASILY!”

“ SUNGYEOL! JUST SHUT UP AND SIT ON THE COUCH!” well. That shut him up.. “ Thank you Hoya!!!”

“ anyway, who are you?” do they still not know who I am after Dongwoo said sister like… 30 minutes ago?

“ I will explain in like 5 minutes, just wait.. DONGWOO OPPA!!! I MISSED YOU!!”

“Ae Cha!!! I missed you too!” We hugged and caught up and the rest of Infinite just stared at us like we were crazy.

“ok… 5 minutes up. NOW WHO ARE YOU!” wow.. even the girly Sungjong can scream pretty loudly…

“well, if you don’t remember what I said 30 minutes ago, Ae Cha here is my little sister.” ………. Silence for 1 minute.. not even 1 minute… more like 1 second. “LITTLE SISTER!?! HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD US ANYTHING!!” *SIGH* this is going to be a long night…

“ just shut up and I will explain. And if ANY of you say one word.. just one word, I WILL hit you.. and it will hurt…” that shut all of them up.. well, like Dongwoo oppa said, I am his little sister. We decided to keep it a secret because I don’t want to get attacked by people asking me about Infinite. And Sungyeol, don’t say one word.” Sungyeol was about to say something until I stopped him. “Now, Dongwoo oppa, will you please tell me why you are at my door?”

“well, our manager told us to find a place to live because our dorm was getting re-built, and I wanted to visit you, so I was killing two birds with one stone. :D” *sigh*

“ fine, you guys can live here. Just make sure no one knows you live here ok?” all of them nodded except one…person..

“WHY DO WE HAVE TO LIVE HERE! WHY CANT WE JUST LIVE IN A HOTEL!” *SLAP!* All of Infinite’s jaws dropped as I slapped Sungyeol. “ I told you I would hit you.” They all ran to Sungyeol because he looked like he was in pain. I didn’t even hit him that hard… “you guys can talk now.. I won’t slap you.” “WHY DID YOU SLAP ME!” “ I told you. If you said something, that I will slap you. Anyways, I’m pretty tired, so I will go to sleep. And about yoyur rooms, I will arrange them. You guys are lucky I have a pretty big house. So, I have 3 extra rooms. Sunggyu oppa and Woohyun oppa will sleep in one room. Myungsoo oppa and Sungjong oppa will sleep in another. And Hoya oppa will sleep in the other. Dongwoo oppa can sleep in his own room.”

“ what about me!?!”

“sungyeol oppa, you will sleep on the couch for the week because I think you burst my eardrum… I let Hoya oppa have his own room for the week because he made YOU shut up and cause he was quiet the whole time I was talking.”

“What about me!” 4 voices shouted at the same time.

“Woohyun oppa, sunggyu oppa, Myungsoo oppa, and Sungjong oppa, just stay put. I will have you guys have your own room at least 5 times each month.. Happy?” they were all happy with that except one person…

“thanks for putting me on the couch. Dsjfnskdfhksdfbjslkdfb” sungyeol grumbled and I smiled. “that was your fault Sungyeol oppa!” now, I have school tomorrow! Good night! Oh, and since Sungjong oppa still goes to school, you will go with me tomorrow! :)”

“GOOD NIGHT INFINITE AND AE CHA!!” they all shouted and I was kinda happy.

I was happy that the house was finally loud again. And maybe, I won’t be Kim Ae Cha anymore.

 

We will find out tomorrow… 

 

See that's easier to read. :D

Hope that helped!

 

So People!!

IF YOU ARE A INSPIRITE ♥♥

YOU LOVE THOSE DORKY BOYS

YOUxINFINITE

 

Please read:

 

Our Infinite Love

by

Kpoplover602

 

 

 

So that's all i had to say about it.

If I had hurt you, I am sorry.

I just want you to know what A reader thinks.