DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Picture/ Title: I have a high hope for your story as your title breaks the concern about being the most cliched Fanfic plot. I really am starting to read this with a high expectation. Let's see how it turns out!

Description and Foreword: I have nothing to say. Everything was just enough and straight to point. Nothing to attract nor to revolt. Just it's all upto the readers if they want to go on reading. 

Story: It was all going fine, straight forward. But things changed at the 2nd paragraph. You started the story as a 2nd person POV or "YOU" but by the 2nd para you jumped into the 1st person POV or "I". I know it's hard to keep writting in a 2nd person POV so it would be easier and better for you if you just change the first part to first person too. On the line " I am sure if..." change the 'she' to 'I' as in "... I was seeing..." 

"I wonder if I'll meet somebody nice. A real friend, perhaps." 

"the bird nest hair and the specs workED then" 

Xiumin asks her to have lunch at the very second line he says to her? Isn't it too fast? you should have put a few more convo to make them seem friendly and confortable before asking to join his friends for lunch. Why couldn't she talk about football, cloths and shoes with Xiumin? She is a nerd doesn't mean they wont watch games or shop.Luhan had a crush on her when he was FOUR? Itsn't that a tad bit early? 8 would make more sense in this case.. even 7 would. 

DUDDEEEE I LMFAOOOOO'ED  when Onew popped up out of no where at the facebook convo. LOLOLOLOL....ahhh. Loved the comment format. 

NO, come heather expresson is only used to a lover. To a brother that just WRONG!

Okay to end it all, It was a entertaining fic. It was easy to read without going crazy about grammatical mistakes. Had a lot of fun parts to laugh at. But also this story lacked direction. What were you trying to portray in this fic? The sibiling love? The childhood crush? True friendship? That your outside looks aren't everything? 

You have touched through all those points but to tell that what is the main story plot, there is none. So next time try to have a major plot line with others being less important, a side story. 

I hope that was helpful.

So here it is~ 

If you love Kris as a Brother and Luhan as a lover and Exo M and friends

Please check out this Two Shot

I Wear Thick Glasses But I Am Not A Nerd

by 

MissCandy