DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Written By LimaLemon

 

Poster reminds me of Hello Baby. I really hope that they will have one :)

Okay, I am sorry if I am harsh, but your grammar, sentence structure, punctuations are all over the place. I will try to help you as much as I can. 

If you think living with 12 boys; EXO, would be cool, hot, interesting, you might want to think over again.

Ever thought of erted, irresponsible or maybe cracked? Well, it is.
Take it from me, I've been living with them. With their child too.

"Do you think living with 12 EXO boys would be cool and interesting? Well, think again!

Did you ever thought of them as erted, irresponsible and maybe even on crack? Well, they are! 

Take it from me; I have been living with them for a while now. And their child. 

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You, Im ___ and Jin Mikyong are best of friends.

Your BFF, Jin Mikyong is not so intelligent and ty.

She was a qeenka during your high school days.

Gangs, , disobedient; there wasn't any negative adjectve that she wasn't! 

But to you she was the most caring and Kindest!

-

You, on the other hand, are beautiful, smart and caring.

Even though during highschool, your had your rebel moments too,

You decided to change.

But your past didn't let you go. 

Your Old gang started bullying you, drove you to an edge that you thought of suicide.

Only person who stopped you was your best friend.

From that time on, You felt like you owed her your life.

But just because you changed, doesn't mean she will too.

She gets pregnant and lives the child to your care.

Untill one night, a letter came...

-

 

It had a picture of 12 boys, a note and an address. 
It told you to go there, give the child and you are done.

Happily ever after!!

 

But the most important question was never asked...

The picture had 12 rowdy boys in it...

Who was the father of the child?

Read the story to find out!

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If you are friend you don't need to add a "_sshi" at the end. Through out the story there is lot grammatical mistakes and misspelling. I was thinking about putting them all up but thats just too much. I would really suggest you to make some one good in grammar edit it. As in you friends. 

As you portrayed her character who is some one careless and sleeps around, How could you be so sure that out of allllllll the guys she slept with, "he" is the one she is pregnant? Any one in a certain timeframe can be the father. You showed symptoms of Pregnancy the next day. That's not real. After pregnancy you need atleast a month to get morning sickness. Also you mentioned, the tests are in 2 weeks. She gives birth during tests, Does that even makes sense? you need nine months to give birth. At least 3-4 to start getting the bump. Please I am not tellign you to be a Ob-gyn, just keep the time table on track. It's too unreal to fathom. 

She got knocked up, got pregnant, gave birth, but still the main point of the story till then was study and school. When something as big as this happens in someones life, school, tests, exams, study are the last thing everyone cares about. But you still kept going about how she should study, take the test, how she will miss classes and college. It just isn't right.

You lost me at chapter 8, until here atleast everything was organized, but here EXO pov, You pov and kris and you mixed up so bad that it hopped over each one making it a jumble of words. On top of that, why did you changed font in the middle? It didn't have any meaning to it. 

I know I have said a lot of harsh words, but please understand that I want you to improve. Please go back and edit it WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Because sometimes we have an idea in our head but we fail to write it down. So if you have a friend with you or a mentor, they can point out what you are not putting on writting. 

 

So here it is~

Who is my Appa?

by 

Jichu--