DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Written By LimaLemon

Poster: yes! It suits the mood well :)

I have to hand it you, you did a good job. When i saw that it is a horror/psychological fiction, I stopped for a bit. I dont know what to expect. But first of all AFF doesn't really have much of this kinds of fiction to begin with. So all in all i was prepared to call Bullcrap on this. But dude, did that opinion change!

When I was reading your foreword and Description, it reminded me of a story I read in my literature class. It's called The Birthmark by Nathaniel Hawthorn. If you haven't read it I will highly recommand you to do so! The plot matches so much that at first I was worried that it might be a rip off. But as the story went on, even though still parallel but I felt the uniqueness of your plot. That made me relieved. I didn't find anything to fix. It was well done. 

One thing that caught my eyes was your use of italicize. At times it looked like as if you italicized everything but the flashback, again at time it felt like the opposite. I would highly recommand you to revise that part and fix one format for the whole story.

As I said before, you wrote really well. I don't have anything to say about your story. I usually don't find the motivation to keep reading all the chapters that I have to review on. But as I was reading yours, I wasn't thinking about review only. It was interesting enough to capture me as a reader as well as a reviewer. 

You asked me in your comment that what you should do with your ending. You also asked me if you are drifting off from the main point. 

The answer unfortunately is, yes. Everything was fine, interesting, surprising and thoughtful till chapter 10. After that you slowly started to drift apart from that tense psychological drama... towards a more sappier love story. That would be really sad for something as great as that. I am not telling you what to do, it's just my opinion that you should wrap it up with Kai finding about her problem. Let the readers wonder how they deal with their lives. Let the readers to tie up an end of their liking. Leave a mistry behind. I am not saying to just cut it off when Kai finds out, what I am trying to say is that the whole part in chapter 11 and 12 when Kai tries to sooth her, could be left to readers to think it out. A vouge ending, for example: Kai comes back to the room and sits by her bed... kind of ending where anything can happen after that is a lot more satisfying.

Even though I said a lot,,, I still feel like I am making you more confused. Please feel free to leave a comment or pm me if you are unsure what I am trying to say.  Thank you!

So here it is~

A fantastic Psychological drama

Featuring Kai and Seohyun 

Please read-

Vanity's Child 

by 

Thebesthappy123