DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Written by: HelloKelly

Poster: None.

‘Baby, Wake Up’ By BabyLovesToTo Review

Let me start by saying that overall this story was really well done. Also let me say, that if this review is rather short, it is because this is an OneShot and I really don’t want to give away anything about this story.

Now that I said that, I will say there weren’t many grammar problems. I saw maybe 3 and I questioned weather you meant ‘aunt’ at one point when you mentioned ‘cousin.’
Also, in terms of literary structure, it could use a little work. For quotations, when someone new begins to speak, you are supposed to start a new paragraph. That being said, I had to reread a few lines not make sure I knew the right person was talking. However, since the characters are very distinct, it was easy to tell who was supposed to be talking. So for you next story I do suggest you start a new paragraph when someone new begins to speak.
Another thing, involving structure, is your flashback. There is nothing work with it, but there are ways to make it flow more easily. Instead of having the chucky words ‘Flashback’ ‘End Flashback,’ there are ways to write it so people will know your character is having a flashback with out breaking the flow of the writing. Instead of writing the words ‘flashback,’ you can say something like, ‘as he looked at her he began to think back to that day.’ Then put the flashback in italics, that way the reader’s stream of consciousness isn’t broken. Again, there is nothing wrong with the way you did it and it works perfectly fine, but if you wanted to try something different there are other ways to signal a flashback than actually writing the word ‘Flashback.’

Now I don’t have much more to say, unless I wanted to go into the storyline, but since this is an oneshot, I don’t want to give the ending away to the readers. I will say that the stream of events is well placed. It was emotionally well written. And, I will say, my heart did break and cry when I read it, which is the goal of this kind of story. I am in a love-hate relationship with this story, because it is well written, the plot is good, but it breaks my heart to read it.

So for those who like really sad stories and love B.A.P.’s Daehyun, I would suggest this. However, if you’re all about fluff and happiness and rainbows, this story isn’t for you.

Overall, it is well written, with few grammar mistakes and a well thought out plotline. There isn’t much to complain about the story and it is well done. I personally enjoyed reading it, but as I said I cried. So if you are looking for a heart-wrenching, short story, this is what you should read.

So here it is~

Looking for a great BAP/ Jung Daehyun fic to read?

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Baby, Wake Up

by 

Babylovestoto