A little before 9, I sat straight up in the bed, eager to get on with the day. What happened on the stairs left too much to the imagination, and I wanted to get down to the core before the concert. I pulled on a fresh pair of slacks and a camisole, with a button down shirt over it. Today will be a good day, I said to myself as I crept down the hallway, noting that I was the only one up so far. I left a post-it on the fridge, reminding my guys about their appointments for the day, then with a smile and a skip, I grabbed my clutch, slid on my shoes, and headed for my office…

…Everyone greeted me kindly as I walked by; the office was full of smiles, and I wondered if it had something to do with the upcoming concert, White Day incoming, or the sunny weather today. Upon entering the office and getting settled, I saw a note from Minji-ni, the shy but friendly assistant manager. Taren-ni, please inform the boys that their Coca-Cola photoshoot was rescheduled for a week from now, just like they asked. Have a good day!! I stopped, rereading the note again. “I didn’t know they didn’t go to their photoshoot that day..” I stored that thought in my head for later as there was a knocking on the door. “Come on in,” I said, putting the note in a side drawer and putting myself into a pleasant frame of mind as Junho walked in. “Good morning, Junho-shi,” I chimed at him, noting that he looked a little more subdued than he normally did as he came over and hugged me before sitting down across from me. “Good morning, Taren-shi.” I smiled at him as he handed me something wrapped in a saffron napkin. “It’s a sugar doughnut- we didn’t know if you had a chance to eat before you left the house, so,” he trailed off, scratching the back of his head and looking down. I took a bite and made a silly face with my powdered moustache, causing him to burst out laughing. “Thank you for this, my dear-it means a lot, and by the way, you don’t have to be formal with me~just talk. Tell me anything that’s on your mind,” I beamed at him, and I could see Junho’s shoulders lighten with his burdens as he nodded, grateful. “O-okay!!”

“My name is Lee Junho, and I come from a small town in Ilsan, South Korea…” for the next hour or so, he talked about his family, his people, and the survival instinct that was instilled in him from such a young age. His eyes lit up with pride as he spoke of his people, and I felt my spirits lift with him. As we got closer to the end of our session, very reluctantly Junho said, “I guess you want to know why Jay and I don’t see eye to eye.” I turned both of my palms face up and held them out to Junho, smiling, “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do, my dear-I just want to know if I can help, and to let me in if I can.”

Junho looked out the window, a wistful expression on his face before he suddenly turned back to face me, coming forward in his seat intently. “Taren-shi, it’s been this way from the beginning of our training together-Jay thinks that we don’t understand him when he hurts, and he goes off and he turns into stone whenever we go on a program that’s heavily tied into our culture. I know that it’s hard for him, but sometimes it’s like he doesn’t even want to try with us, like we’re so terribly different from him…” he gazed off somewhere, into the distance, having a moment of reflection so deep that for a moment I knew I lost him.

I reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look at me. “Junho, it’s okay-I know that you want to help, and I know that sometimes it will feel like you guys can’t meet halfway for the sake of it all-but you mustn’t give up on him, or yourself. You’re stronger then you give yourself credit for, and Jaeboem might be your leader, but you are the ones steadily pushing at his back. Be at peace, doctor’s orders. “I grinned as I stood up, and he followed my lead, shaking out his shoulders, looking a lot happier than in the early morning. “Thanks Taren, I do feel better….I’ll keep your words in mind,” he said as we walked into the hallway together, where I saw Junsu waiting for me…

“…..And so, we’re working on our issues at home, in Daegu, but I fear that things won’t be the same, so changing my name will help me feel better about it,” the main vocalist and I sat next to each other and sipped peppermint tea sagely, enjoying each other’s company. “It’s something that I have to do, for me, you know? Just to be completely selfish for once, and not have to worry about anybody else’s influence on me….” “I understand completely, my love, and know that we are behind you no matter what…”

“My parents have been a driving force in my life,” Chan had his head in my lap, and I his roots at leisure as he sighed and looked up at the ceiling, vibrating my lap as he continued. “My mother, my father, I know that they want the best for me, but….the pressure sometimes gets to me, and I feel like there’s nowhere to turn,” he exhaled deeply and nuzzled into my lap, looking out into my office and gazing off with that same look that Junho had. I ruffled his layers, causing him to turn his head and look up at me. “Chansung, you are important to them, but do not turn yourself into a trophy because of their expectations. I think it’s hight time you live your own life from now on-they’ll respect you for your independence and success than any of their preset goals they had in mind for you.”

“……..The others say I cry a lot, but I can’t help it if I’m passionate about what I do!!” I could only watch as Wooyoung’s pacing grew with the storm of emotions coming from his soul into the atmosphere. “My nickname is Toshio, like that kid from ‘The Grudge’-but I know I’m not that bad!!” I stifled a chuckle, then waved at him to take a seat across from me, smiling at him. “ Will they ever see me for what I really am, instead of their go-to person for hurtful laughter?” I patted his knee consolingly. “My dear, although it may not feel like it now, Wooyoung~ you are their rock in stormy waters, a breeze that is personified as a light, easygoing child of a man. They look to you when they feel like they’re losing it-because they know that you’ll be their proud light, no matter what!!” Wooyoung hit a philosophical pose, then he brightened a little. “Oh, I kinda get it now~!!Thanks- I never looked at it that way before, I must really mean something to them!!”

The sun was high in the sky when Nichkhun showed up, fully decorated in Thai gear and bearing light cookie bar snacks and juice boxes. “ I have been looking forward to this session, actually,” he said, laughing as we hugged and he sat down next to me, and I smiled back. “We can connect more, you think?” He nodded as he chewed his oreo with feeling. “There’s not a lot I need to get off of my chest, just feelings of not being close enough to my family as I would like.” I folded a leg underneath me as he continued, “I’m always out, representing this and that, that sometimes I forget what it’s like to just, well, live.” He sighed and ran a hand over his carefully styled Mohawk, and I kneaded his cheek gently. “My love, you are only human-there’s only so many directions that you can be spread through before even you reach your limits.” He nodded, and sighed. “I’m always looked at as the kind one and the prince of a nation-but I forget to breathe sometimes…” I grabbed both of his muscled shoulders and brought his face to meet mine. “ Nichkhun, live your live for you, and for those you really care about. You can’t keep going around having these great weights sitting on your back for so long~you need to let loose and have fun for you, too!!Be selfish and carry out your own path, your own peaceful creed and wishes every once in a while-remind yourself to be in the moment, and not always planning ahead.” Nick looked away, saying nothing, but when he looked back at me, with the merriment dancing in his eyes, I knew he’d be just fine…

“…..You’re not gonna try and hypnotize me, are you?” Taecyeon showed up, grinning and carrying a wild tulip; this he reached over and tucked carefully behind my ear before sitting down leisurely across from me. I laughed. “No honey- I don’t want anything filtered from you, so I won’t trick you into doing anything you don’t want to.” He stretched out, suddenly reminding me of a lion, casually surveying his surroundings, and grinned, “Okay-I’ll cooperate, but only for you.” His eyes searched mine intently as he came forward in his seat, open to whatever…

“My family is fine-the transition from Busan to Boston and back wasn’t hard for us-my only receiving pressure from the company is that they originally looked at me as the leader, not Jay,” Taec and I were playing checkers as he spoke musingly, and I looked up as he said this. “Really? Because of the passion that you show on stage?” I asked him, and he nodded slightly. “Yes, but I believe that everyone has their own passions that they can portray on stage. And it is in those moments that give us the optimism to keep going on,” the man’s eyes twinkled, and for a moment I saw the adventurous boy who loved education and travelled to get what he wanted. “Would you ever want to take charge of the cosmic energy known as 2PM?” I asked him as we stood at the window and looked out at the forest green behind the building. “ I don’t know; I think that I will have my times when I do want to bend the group to my own will-but in the long run, I’ll only end up bending to the energy’s will.”

Taec looked at me, and it was as if he realized who I was. “What-what is it? What’s wrong?” The 6 foot athlete looked me up and down quickly before patting my arm consolingly, “Can you promise me something?” “Anything, as long as it’s within my power…” His serious tone had me at attention, and he held both my upper arms and gave me a small smile as he ruffled my crown. “Take it easy for the next couple of days, and if you get stressed, about anything, don’t ever hesitate-come to me or the others,” he said, beaming at me to the point where flowers could have bloomed in his wake.

There was a gentle tap on the door, and I crossed the room slowly to reveal Jay leaning against the frame, all smiles and congeniality. “I heard that I had a counsel session with a certain lovely lady?” He and Taec handshake and Taec gave me a two- salute as he closed the door behind him. We hugged, and Jay stood behind my chair as he waited for me to get comfortable. “Thank you for coming-please, have a seat wherever you want and we can get started.” Jay sat down across from me, and sat forward in the seat, looking so much like an eager teacher’s pet that I laughed out loud. “What would you like to know, Miss Taren?” I opened my arms to him, smiling. “Start anywhere-the newest beginning would be lovely….”

….Jaebeom and I had more in common that I originally knew- he was a gringo as soon as he stepped foot in Seoul, but he fought to learn as much as he could about the people he never knew, and he rose to do what he loved as his passionate career-his life was finally coming to him, and he deserved it. We laughed and talked about the things that we missed from the states- certain foods, best friends, and local joints that were the rave at night. I even found myself wondering how life was at home, and how life was back there…..

“…I know you worry about me, and especially about the tension between Junho and I-don’t want you to worry about us,” Jay got up and stretched slowly, looking up at the ceiling as if he had other menial objectives to complete. I stood up slowly, “But I worry about you, Jay oppa. You are a strong and talented leader-but I don’t want you to feel like you can carry your burdens alone.” Jay came back into position, and looked at me carefully; sighing a little, he sat back down and patted the seat next to him. I came down next to the b-boy, and he took a deep breath before starting. “… When I first came here, the others couldn’t understand why I was the way I am. They tried to help me with it, but after a while it was more like glorified babysitting, and you can’t expect someone to do that forever. I appreciate all that they’ve done for me, but there are some things that you have to do alone. Junho thinks that I am not being a faithful leader every time I go out alone, but in reality I’m trying to find myself.  Junho and I will never truly get along, and I’m okay with it- I just,” Jay’s voice went lower, and I actually had to lean in to hear him, “ I just want him to listen to me for once, without any of his harsh words and snide comments-those hurt more than anything….”

Without thinking, I pulled him into a hug, catching him off guard-I felt that he needed it. “Jay, you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul-never forget that. Please, lean on the others and myself, you can’t do it alone when you have us, and you will never lose when you are surrounded by some of the greatest friends you could ever have,” I whispered urgently into his ear before coming away slowly. “There’s no way that your fear and doubts will ever let us down-that’s why we’re here-to pick your right back up!!”  Jay looked at me, and I was startled to see that there were small tears forming in his eyes. There were so many hidden emotions, so many things there, and I wanted to dive in them, to get to the root of his pain. Remembering where I was, I tried to laugh it off, fighting back the lump in my own throat as I stood up and brushed my slacks off. “Sorry, I think I kinda got hot and bothered on you there,” Jay stood slowly, and didn’t say anything-I was concerned, “Jay?” He looked down, and then he closed the distance between us in a step. Raising his hand slowly, he drew a warm thumb across my face, and he held it up to reveal water- I was shocked. “I’m sorry, I’m being unprofessional right now-“ Jay merely chuckled, and wiped the rest of my face off delicately, saying, “No- this one is on me. I made you cry, and I must right this wrong by making you smile for all the days left.”

Jay gathered me into his arms, tickling me- “Whoa buddy~!” I giggled as the short but charismatic leader found all of m spots and attacked them without mercy. “How’s that for being unprofessional?!” I pushed him away so that I could catch my breath, and he laughed at my non threatening stare as I fought to fix my shirt. “Um, Taren?” I was looking down, chuckling and trying to get my hair out of my shirt buttons, so I looked up, “Yeah Jay~?!”

I was pulled into a serious embrace, with Jay breathing into my hair and inhaling deeply. “……Thank you, Taren~you smell absolutely divine, by the way…” His voice startled me, and I leaned back to look into his face-and a flash of something passed in his eyes as he leaned in again-

Taec’s voice came in like a thunderclap, effectively snapping the two of us out of our moment. “Okay~~you have gone well over your time limit, Jay-hyung!!” The rapper steered Jay clear out of arms reach as the others appeared in the doorway, smiling and waving. What the-?! Junsu bowed deeply as his said, “Taren-ni, you have a special guest today..” He stepped aside to reveal none other than Taeyang, who waved shyly at me before bowing. “Anyoung haseyo, Taren-noona.”

I bowed and came back up laughing, pleasantly surprised. “Taeyang-oppa, whatever are you doing here? To what do I owe this pleasure?” The Big Bang peacekeeper blushed a little as he said, smiling, “Well, I heard from a certain vocalist” –here Woo tried to be humble, but a snicker still escaped, giving him away completely- “that you had worked straight through lunch, so I was wondering,” he cleared his throat before looking at me again, “I was wondering if I could take you someplace for lunch, if that’s okay with you.”

I patted his shoulders, beaming at him, “But of course, my dear Tae-ni~ it’ll be good to take some time away from these knuckleheads,” I said, jabbing a finger over my shoulder at 2PM, causing him to laugh out loud as the others let their vocal protests be known. “Hey~we’re not that bad-Junho’s the worst one!!” “You like being with us because we make you feel alive!!” “Leader, say something!!” Jay’s tone was solemn, but the laughter wasn’t gone from his eyes as he said to us all, “Well, if she wants to leave, I guess we’ve got to let her flap her wings sometime,” he said with a nod to Taec and Nick, who nodded back with the same joking-serious expression. Junho dropped to his knees, “Noooo~ who will be there to defend Taren-ni’s honor from the hoodlums out there?!” Chan patted his shoulder as he pretended- at least, I hoped he was pretending- to weep, “There there, it’s not all that bad, besides- Taeyang’s cool, he’s down with the homies…” I grabbed my bag as Nick held my arm for a moment, searching my face and soul with his warm eyes. “Be back at a decent time, alright?” I nodded at him, “Of course, Appa,” I winked before waving and skipping out the door, with Taeyang quick on my heels after bowing/chuckling with the others and Junho…. “Lead the way, my friend!!”