The next day the managers told everyone that Myungsoo was going to be in another drama, and Myungsoo felt like dying inside when he saw the look on Sungyeol’s face when he found out.

            He smiled. That tall idiot had smiled. Sungyeol was trying to look happy for him!

            Myungsoo couldn’t believe it at all. He didn’t get it. H didn’t understand why Sungyeol had to give that fake smile that he has practiced in front of the mirror for eternity. Myungsoo knows that smile; he knows when Sungyeol’s genuinely happy, and when his happy smile doesn’t match his insecure eyes filled with self-disappointment.

            Myungsoo truly didn’t want the part. He didn’t want to accept it at all. However, the CEO told him that he had already accepted it, and that the contract was not something that they could discuss. He had to do it, no matter what. He had no say in the decision at all.

            It was for the popularity of the group.

            Myungsoo sighed, looking out of the car. He put his elbow against the car seat window and rested his chin on his hand.

            They were on their way to film for Inkigayo, and he wondered how much popular the CEO wanted Infinite to get. If he wanted to get Infinite to become more popular, shouldn’t he focus on the other members too?

            He glanced back at Sungyeol, who was not sitting next to him today, and he just felt so bad that even the reassuring pat on his knee from Dongwoo didn’t calm him down. He wanted nothing more than to switch seats with Woohyun and hug Sungyeol until the younger cried everything out and talked to him. All he wanted was for Sungyeol to be happy.

            I don’t have a choice in anything anymore, do I?

***

            Now, they were all lined up in the front for Inkigayo. The performance had gone good, and everyone had on nervous faces, waiting for the winner to be announced.

“The number one is…INFINITE!”

            The words and the video on the large screen seemed to have slipped through their minds because they couldn’t believe what was just said.

Sungyeol was shocked. Woohyun was shocked. All of Infinite were shocked.

            They couldn’t believe it!

            They had already won with “Man In Love”!

            Woohyun was shocked. He was so happy. He thanked their CEO, who was in Busan and looked at the cheering crowd in front of them. It didn’t matter how popular Infinite was, because even if everyone in the world was their fan, they’d still be surprised to get an award.

            Sungyeol was happy too. There was that genuine smile that Myungsoo wanted to see, and then Myungsoo looked at him and they smiled at each other, looking at their trophy.

            For a second, Sungyeol forgot about Myungsoo’s new acting role, and for a second, he had forgotten that in the crowd there was only one fan with his sign.

            Nevertheless, looking at Myungsoo again, the feelings of not being enough came back, and things crashed down again.

            His mouth wavered a little and his eyes threatened to cry. But he held it in and smiled again, making sure not to glance back at Myungsoo again. He just prayed that the camera didn’t catch his little slip.

            He remembered to thank Inspirits before the music came on again.

***

            That night, Sunggyu went out to start preparing for his second solo album, Infinite H went to the gym to exercise, and Sungjong and Woohyun went to sleep early. Myungsoo and Sungyeol were in their room, not sleeping.

            Sungyeol leaned his back against the wall, sitting on his bed. He had pulled the blinds down, and the stars did not shine through his side of their room that night.

            Myungsoo was lying down on his bed, the covers barely covering his torso, and he just couldn’t sleep without knowing that Sungyeol was ok.

            He heard Sungyeol sigh and turned in his bed to look at the dark figure across the room.

            “I got rejected for another part today, just before we were told that you were casted again…” Sungyeol whispered, “I’m pathetic aren’t I?”

            Myungsoo immediately got up from his bed, shocked at Sungyeol’s sudden seriousness. He thought that Sungyeol wasn’t going to talk to him for a while and was just going to wait for Myungsoo to start the conversation, but he didn’t. He listened to Sungyeol’s words, and his face contorted at the sadness laced in Sungyeol’s tone. Myungsoo thought about how much his new role must’ve hurt Sungyeol, and his heart started to hurt as well.

            “Sungyeol,” he started.

            “But I’m happy you know?” Sungyeol interrupted, “I’m happy for you, you got the part that I had tried out for…without even having to audition.”

            A car had passed by Myungsoo’s window, letting in some light, and it allowed Myungsoo to look straight at Sungyeol in the little seconds of light. He saw the tears that he didn’t want to see fall from the elder’s eyes.

***

            The next day was a day for practice, so they all woke up at 5AM and headed to the practice room without eating breakfast.

            Hoya and Dongwoo went with Sungjong to get some milk from the convenience store, making sure to go through the back door this time, and Sungyeol was lying on the floor, whining about having to practice again.

            “I don’t want to practice. We practice all the time. I’m pretty sure we all have this dance engraved into our heads. I think I could literally open my skull and pull out a mini-Sungyeol dancing to “Man in Love.”

            Woohyun glanced at the younger and laughed. He always laughed at Sungyeol’s little antics. Sunggyu, however, didn’t always appreciate Sungyeol’s occasional lack of seriousness.

“Come on, get up and stretch,” Sunggyu said.
            Sungyeol stretched his legs and arms on the ground and sighed. “I’m already tall enough. I don’t need to stretch.”

He held onto Woohyun’s legs, causing Woohyun to giggle some more, and Myungsoo soon joined in, the giddy feeling in the air causing Sungyeol to forget all about the night before.

            Sungyeol continued to play around and whine, slowly running on Sunggyu’s last nerve, when it finally snapped.

            “Sungyeol!”

            Sungyeol looked up, shutting up immediately. The leader didn’t talk to Sungyeol much, but when he used that tone, he knew that he meant business.

            “What?” he said wearily.

            “Can’t you just be quiet for a few minutes? Hoya and the others will be back soon, and then we have to practice for the entire day. Don’t you think of anyone but yourself? We don’t need your whining this early in the morning. Stop acting like a little kid.”

            Sungyeol suddenly flared up, clearly embarrassed from being scolded in front of Woohyun and Myungsoo.

            “So? I was just trying to cheer everyone up. It’s not my fault you’re so grumpy. Just deal with it. You can’t be serious all the time.”

            Sunggyu walked up to Sungyeol. He gritted his teeth.

            “Stop this. Right now.”

            Sungyeol looked straight into Sunggyu’s eyes and scowled.

            “No. I don’t want to. Just because you’re the leader and get another solo album doesn’t mean you’re better than the rest of us. I don’t feel like being all calm like you are. I don’t have another album recording to get to later tonight. I can waste all of my stupid energy here.”

            Sunggyu suddenly grabbed Sungyeol’s shirt, pulling him closer to his face.

            “Shut up, Sungyeol. I won’t ask you again.”

            “Hey, let him go.”

            Both of them turned to see Woohyun standing right by them. He looked worried.

            “Just let him go, Sunggyu. Sungyeol’s been having a hard time. Just let him go this time, alright?”

            Sunggyu sighed angrily and let go of Sungyeol. He then stormed out of the practice room to get some air with Myungsoo following right behind him.

            “Childish brat,” Sunggyu muttered. No one was meant to hear it, but Sungyeol did, and Sungyeol felt like setting something on fire.

            When the door closed, Sungyeol glared at Woohyun and focused all of his anger at the elder.

            “I didn’t ask for you to help me. Stop butting in. Just because I told you my problems doesn’t mean you can go around telling everyone else about them.”

            “But Sungyeol I-“

            “Just stop, Woohyun. I don’t need your help.”

***

            Sunggyu ran his fingers through his hair. He was tired. Yesterday was tiring for him, recording alone again.

            It was true that he liked singing, and that it was fun for him to sing solo. But there were times when he missed the members—when he missed being in a team.

            He was hoping to take all of the members out last night for a celebratory dinner for their first win, but Sungyeol and Woohyun had already fallen asleep, so maybe that’s why he was so angry at Sungyeol. Usually, he would just shrug off the younger’s childish morning whines, but today he didn’t, and he didn’t really know why either.

            He was tired of it though. The team hadn’t been together that much the day before, and all Sungyeol could do was whine? He should be grateful that they had a day together again, even if they did have to practice all day. Being an idol, you had to practice to perfect everything. If someone didn’t want to practice all day, then they shouldn’t be an idol.

            Sometimes he wondered why Sungyeol became an idol.

            Did he even care about the rest of us? He’s not the only one that’s tired.