Listening to Sungyeol and Myungsoo made Sunggyu’s blood boil more than it did that evening. Why was Sungyeol so nice and oblivious? Why didn’t Sungyeol notice that Myungsoo liked—no, loved him?

            When he heard Myungsoo call Sungyeol his lucky charm, Sunggyu opened his eyes—not like the two members in the room noticed anyway. He could tell that Myungsoo was taking advantage of how nice Sungyeol was, but at the same time, he couldn’t believe that Sungyeol couldn’t tell that Myungsoo felt something for him. Sometimes Sungyeol didn’t know the boundaries of a friendship and a relationship, and it bothered him more than it did before he had kissed him. He closed his eyes again.

            He was going to make sure Sungyeol knew that they were in a relationship. Sungyeol loved him, right?

            Moving to Dongwoo’s bed, Hoya slid under the covers and poked at the elder’s cheeks.

            “Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asked.          

            Dongwoo turned to the intruder and smiled.

            “Because you’re poking at my cheek?” he teasingly replied.          

            Hoya rolled his eyes.

            “You were awake before I even came over here, ok? Don’t blame it on me. What’s bothering you?”

            Dongwoo sighed, the smile disappearing from his face.

            “I’m worried about the other members. It seems like they’re all going through something, and none of them are talking about it. I want our group to be the best, but how can we do that if we aren’t even close enough to tell each other our problems?”

            Hoya frowned a bit.

            “Dongwoo, you always worry about others,” he said, moving Dongwoo’s bangs away from his forehead, “When are you going to worry about yourself?”

            “I don’t have to worry about myself, Hoya. I’m doing just fine,” he protested.

            “Are you sure, Dongwoo? You seem really stressed lately,” Hoya mentioned.

            Dongwoo closed his eyes, happy that his best friend was here for him.

            “It’s nothing that a little sleep can’t fix. It’s the other members that have problems that sleep can’t take away, and that worries me.”

            Hoya wrapped his arms around Dongwoo and sighed.

            “Come on, just go to sleep then. We can worry about the other members tomorrow, ok? You need to take care of yourself before you start trying to fix everybody else.”

            Dongwoo hummed and soon enough fell asleep in Hoya’s arms.

            Meanwhile, Sungjong rolled around in his bed. He could hear Dongwoo and Hoya’s whispers from the other room, but he didn’t smile at the cute antics like he used to. He heard everything. It seemed that Dongwoo was noticing the other members slowly break down too.

            At first Sungjong thought that the other members would be able to fix this by themselves. They always did before; that’s why they had a leader and Dongwoo. No one really came to Sungjong for help and advice. The only person that did was probably Dongwoo and on special occasions, Hoya.

            No one ever really asked for Sungjong’s help. He was the maknae, innocent and young. He couldn’t possibly know or understand about the struggles that the others were going through right?

            But he did. He knew everything about them, but no one ever talked to him about it. He sees the way that Woohyun, Myungsoo, and Sunggyu all look at Sungyeol. He notices the way that Myungsoo always tries to be close to Sungyeol, even though sometimes Sungyeol doesn’t notice it. He noticed Sunggyu getting all jealous over Woohyun and Sungyeol today, and he knows that Sungyeol still has no idea about any of this.

            Sungjong sighed. The other members wouldn’t ask him for advice, because the other members don’t even notice him. Sure, they call him their pride and cutest member, but what else was he really there for? He’s gotten some more lines over the years, but his voice still was nothing compared to the other members. He was growing older, that was for sure. He hoped with that, he’d get a more manly image, but that didn’t happen. He just got ‘sassier’.

            He grabbed a pillow and placed it over his face, groaning to himself.

            He hated that word—sassy.

            It made him sound even more like a woman, and he hated it. He didn’t want to be the “girl” of the group. Maybe that was his role in the beginning but it’s been about three years now. He was tired of being mistaken as a girl, and he was tired of seeing his old cross-dressing pictures everywhere he’s mentioned.

            None of the members can even tell he’s growing up. No matter how much he tries to show it. He tried to show it to Dongwoo while they were washing dishes, but he then realized that it was only Dongwoo. Dongwoo talked to whoever was nearby about his troubles and thoughts. It didn’t matter whether it was Sungjong or Niel from Teen Top.

            Every little idea or suggestion he put out there was doubted. Even Dongwoo doubted Sungjong’s thoughts about Sunggyu being jealous over Woohyun. He kept being doubted and he was tired of it.

            He sighed again, pulling the pillow away from his face. He threw it softly to the other side of the room, bringing up his blanket afterwards. He closed his eyes and wished that maybe when he woke up, he’d actually matter to other people.

            Woohyun stared at the wall, lying on his side. He couldn’t hear anything, and he couldn’t see anything in that little, enclosed room of his, and it drove him crazy.

            It was nights like this that made Woohyun wonder about how everyone else was doing.

            Was Sungjong feeling well? Was Dongwoo still stressed? Was Hoya keeping his secret to himself, and was Myungsoo trying to hold back his feelings? Were Sunggyu and Sungyeol doing well?

            Along with his worries about the members, his worries about himself came in too.

            He placed his hand on his bare stomach, hissing a bit at the feeling of his cold hand. He was never a cold person, but lately it seemed like all the warmth had been out of him. Woohyun frowned at the thought of gaining more weight. He had just finally gotten to the pants and shirt sizes of Sungyeol and Sungjong. He didn’t want to get rid of that and have to go back to his old size.

            The stylists would notice he had gained, and they would give him this look that made him want to kill himself. It was that questioning look he got sometimes. It was an ‘are you ok?’ look that bothered him so much. There was one time when he had binged the night before a fan-meeting, because he was so stressed out about losing fans because he wasn’t happy enough, because truthfully, he didn’t think he’d be able to smile the next day since he had been starving himself all day. He saw some food on the table but didn’t eat it until he woke up at midnight and snuck into the kitchen, stuffing himself with food to make sure he stayed happy at the fan-meeting.

            It only made him feel worse when morning came by, and a fan had given him the look. He swore after that, that he would never eat late at night again, and that he would never show his fans that he was anything but happy. It didn’t matter what he was doing to himself, as long as the fans still loved him.