Teardrops
WHEN WE TOGETHER
Jiyeon's POV
His footsteps are bringing him further and further from me.
I walk back to home with giddy footsteps. Mum is waiting for me while sitting on the sofa in the living room. As soon as I see her, "Mum!" I run to her and hug tightly. Tears slide down on my check continuously.
She worryingly questions "What's wrong my daughter?" I can't reply anything but sobbing. "What! Are you crying?” she release the hug to check my face. “Jiyeon-uh what happen? Tell me?” Controlling the tears and trying to speak up, she becomes impatient “Quickly tell me!”
“We broke up” I grumble as I place my head on her thigh while sitting on the floor. She rubs my hair gently “Is it so painful?” she mutters in full of sorrowful tone.
“Yes, it is really painful” I cry harder. Since I am the only daughter I usually open up my feeling to my mum. So, of course this time I am also going to open up about my broken heart to her.
“Why did you two break up?”
“He now knows that I am going to America and he wants me to stay here” I wipe the tears on my cheek. “But because I already decided to go, we broke up”
She lifts my chin up making me to face her and asks intensely “Are you sure you want to go there?” I avoid our eyes contact this question is making me depress. I am really not sure anymore. She commands “Look at me” I look at her with dejected look. She repeats the question “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THERE?” I don’t have an answer already.
“Jiyeon-uh! Don’t think for me or for your father. At this time our life is not important now. Think for your life, you are only eighteen now. You still have to walk for a long time on your life. Think carefully which the best is for you. Make a stronger decision and walk till the end”
I'm carefully listening what she is saying.
“Okay says you want to go there but your decisions are competing against each other. I understand that in your age you are experiencing love. What you have to know is it is an unavoidable that if you loved enough to be heartbroken, you have to experience some suffering, simple as that. Think for your future, your future is something you create”
She pauses for a minute and looks at me. Tidy up my messy hair with her fingers and continues “Yes of course you don’t need to go there to make the best future for you. You can still try here. Or if you want to see your dad you can visit to him. Anyway choose what you think is the best for you. But make sure that do not just follow you heart, use your brain as well. You can never stay with only love till you die. I am not going to say what you have to do because you are at the age that can manage yourself now”
I lie down on my bed and gaze out the window. The moon is shinny but gloomily and the dark night is making me disconsolate.
I consider all the reasons of our broke up. The time we spent together, texted each other and enjoyed each other are now gone away and all I have left is those memories. I feel kind of empty, somewhere in the pit of my stomach. Every second is taking so long. This night has passed gradually.
I wake up in the morning with a deep sigh. I walk to the bath room, look at the mirror and see big eye bag under my eyes. These are the result of cried so hard and slept really late yesterday. I put on a few make up to cover up my eye bag, still it’s horribly obvious. Finally, I found a good way to cover which is to wear those big glasses.
Go down the stair “Mum I am going now” and I run through the door. I don’t want her to see my upsetting face.
The next day at school everyone is gossiping about me and L break up issue. They notice the fact that we are sitting apart from each other and do not talk at all. Of course they might curious what has happened to us, as once we were a couple that everyone was envy of.
Although IU and Yoona try to console me, Suzy don’t talk to me at all and today she doesn’t even come to our table during the break time. She just leaves whenever she sees me. I guess they know about us from Donghae or Woohyun.
Yoona approaches me “Jiyeon-uh are you all right?” I nod and blink signifying I am okay.
“I think you two needs to talk more and have an agreement. If you two understand each other, it’s all gonna be fine”
“But it’s over now” I speak up.
“No, it’s not the end yet. Trust me Jiyeon if you give more time before the break up, everything is going to be fine”
“I can give more time but he won’t. He is the one started to say to break up. So how am I gonna do? I do plead him but he said he was just letting me go”
“So are you not going to change your mind? Are you sure that you gonna go to your dad?”
I nod “I am sure. I've already decided”
“When are you going?”
"After this school year”
“So we still have 2 months of time. We will try to get you two together back” she says confidently. But I know it won’t happen anymore.
I walk back to home alone after school. Now I miss his warm hands holding me.
1 year and half time is not a small amount for us. We have thousands of memories and I can still remember everything. I know him too.
I stand in front of my house and now this is the time when you always give me the farewell kiss. I tough my lip, close my eyes, yes I can still feel it. My eyes become watery. *..Sigh...* although I try, it keeps falling down on my cheek. I hate these tears; I hate myself the way feeling about you all the time. L, I am so sorry. I know you are also as hurt as I do.
I drug my legs until I get into my room. One day has passed without him. This was so tiring.
Straight away, I go to my desk and take out my diary. I open the on-going page that I was writing yesterday. I just started the line “When we together ……” because I didn’t know how to continue I stopped it there. Now I know what to write. I will write it while I am feeling with my heart.
“When we were together, you would give me a warm hug if I am cold.”
When we together, I would make you food if you hungry.
When we together, you would jealous if I talk to another guy.
When we together, you would hold my hand with your warm hand while we were walking.
But theses all have gone now. Gone, as you cannot understand me.
You make me choose between parents and Love.
Don’t you know how hard it is?
You could have wait for me but you don't.
You want my broken heart as a payback? Now I am suffering.
I need you... and... I miss you L.”
And finally I close my diary with the last sentences…
“My teardrops can prove how much I love you L !”
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