Errh hey :) I feel kind of awkward right now.. I... Well, I actually promised you that I'd update in the Christmas Holidays, but I just really didn't have any time at all O.O I thought it was going to be like all calm n' lazy and stuff, but then one of my best friends got home from Dubai(she lives there) and we spent almost a week together :) I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, cause I know she won't be coming home again in  at least ½ year... Soooo that's basically the main reason why I didn't update lately.. Plus, my mum forced me to do a lot of other 'Christmassy' things with the family that week -_-;
Now, I started my last ½ year of elementary school 2 months ago and we already had 7 deposits in various subjects o.o Moreover, I had 2 math deposit, 3 German, 5 Danish and 1 religion. I also had to read a book .__. #NOMOREHOMEWORKJUSEYO

But hey! I made it through the first ½ year! only ½ year again to go! :D

Now, moving on to the chapter~ because unicorns eat rainbowmuffins u_u

Yes, your ears didn’t defraud you.

Sehun would be your private math tutor.

You were on your way to school, when the raindrops started dropping from above. You instantly covered your hair under your hoodie and started walking faster by instinct. You had already walked half of the way to school, when someone suddenly grabbed your shoulder from the back.
You turned around, surprised to see Sehun. You couldn’t really decide whether to smile or to roll with your eyes at him, but in the end – it would be best to smile. So, you did.

“Hey Joo!” Sehun happily said and patted your shoulder. You shortly nodded at him and started walking towards the school again. Sehun seemed a bit disappointed you didn’t even answer him.
Didn’t you like him?
Was he too boring?
Annoying, maybe?

Sehun felt torn inside. He couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t show any affection around him. Was he doing something wrong?

“Yah, Joorin-ah..” he then exclaimed and looked at you with questioning eyes. You turned to him again, but this time you could feel something different about him. He didn’t seem quite normal. It was like he was nervous or scared of something.

“Hm?” you boldly responded. Sehun stared at you and then spoke,
“Am.. Am I doing… Am I doing something wrong, Joorin? You don’t seem to like me at all”
You couldn’t do anything but stare at him in awe and a little confusion.

“W-what? No, I mean,-no! Sehun-ah, you’re not doing anything wrong, and of course I like you, pabo.” You exclaimed with widened eyes. Sehun already looked a lot brighter and was smiling again.
“Are you serious, Joo? Whoa, I thought it was a one-sided love! HELL YEAH!” he happily shouted and did a happy dance move.

Then you got to think of your own words. Wait a sec--    .

“No, no, no! I didn’t mean it like that, Sehun! Seriously! Oh gosh, what should I do…”
You mentally scolded yourself for being so inattentive for your use of words. Now Sehun must have misunderstood what you told him and it’s your own entire fault.

Great.

You tried countless times to tell Sehun that you didn’t mean it that way; that you just... Well, liked him.
For God’s sake, Joorin, you can’t even tell him a lie! Dammit woman.

Since Sehun didn’t seem to listen to you, when you tried telling him that you didn’t like him in such a way (which of course was a huge lie), you just tried to ignore it, and walked to school instead.
As expected, the two of you arrived late because of the little ‘incident’.

“Good morning kids” your Korean literature teacher gestured and grabbed his black book to write down your names in the ‘arrived late’-section.

“Good morning, teacher”
It wasn’t something new to you exactly, but it always felt wrong when the teacher wrote down your name in their black book.
The teacher told you to find your seats and walked up to the blackboard to write something.
You could hear some students talking about you & Sehun, and why you had arrived late. It didn’t irritate you, but sure, you did feel a little weird about it.

After class, Suzy and Amber came over.
“Why did you arrive late today?”
You looked at the table and pouted. Amber and Suzy looked worriedly at each other and then at you.
“Guys, it’s nothing, really. I just.. I… I just told Sehun something by accident. But it’s really nothing serious!” you said, trying to calm down your friends. It seemed like they didn’t buy it.
“Joo, come on. What did you tell Sehun? You look bothered by it” Amber stated. Suzy nodded. You sighed deeply.
“I told him that I like him.”

Silence.

Screaming.

“Oh my God!” was the first three words you heard after your little statement. Suzy and Amber had had a mini freak-out when you told them what you had told Sehun. You immediately shushed them and frantically got out of the classroom. They of course followed you, almost unable to hold in their screams. You couldn’t help laughing with them at how silly you all were.
The rest of the day in school, you talked about your relationship to Sehun and… And what you felt towards him. And his reaction when you told him you liked him and, and, and…
Since the girls were curious about Sehun’s interest in you, and Suzy about his interest in her, you.. Well, stalked him.

“Yah, don’t you think he’ll see?” you nervously asked your two best friends, when you were standing behind the table, spying on Sehun.
“Nah, he’s too busy with Nana and the others” Amber said, as she looked through her hand binocular. You looked carefully at the table where Sehun sat. He was literally surrounded by girls.
You pulled Amber and Suzy away from the table and told them that it was too weird to stalk on him like that. Suzy thought you were boring, and Amber just thought you were a wimp.
“Guys, come on, let’s do something else, please~” you pleaded them and pulled their arms. Unfortunately you had absolutely no luck, so you decided to do something else, on your own.

You confidently walked towards Sehun’s table. Amber & Suzy were about to explode because of excitement. You reached the table in a short amount of time, and immediately started talking to Sehun, who just stared at you.
“Hey”
“Hey”
“Can I talk to you for a moment? It’s important.” You lied and grabbed his hand, pulling him up from the table. Sehun seemed secretly happy that you saved him from Nana and her slang.

You dragged him out on the hallway, near the teachers’ office so you definitely wouldn’t be disturbed by students.
“So, what do you want sweetheart?” Sehun asked you and smiled. You blinked, not sure if you should trust your own ears or not.
“Uh.. It’s just – today, when I told you liked you… I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to tell you that you’re a really good friend and…” you silently told him and looked down at your shoes. Sehun’s smile kind of faded away and you pitied a little. Why did you have to be this cruel to him? Why couldn’t the whole school just know about you? Why did it have to be a secret? Sometimes, you couldn’t understand your own actions.

“I just thought you… I thought you meant it.” Sehun breathlessly said and his eyes found yours. You looked into each other’s eyes for a long time.

“I’m sorry, Sehun-ah-“
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Joorin. I’m sorry I believed your words, when it obviously all was lies.”
You were breathless.

Lies.

You could feel the tears in your eyes, threatening to fall any second. You reached out for his cheek.
“Sehun”
He turned away. You saw something liquid roll down his right cheek. It was a tear.
“Don’t do this, Sehun. I.. I really do like you, I just can’t tell-” you tried as the tears spilled. He cut you off in frustration,
“What can’t you tell? If I’m your style or not? If I’m not good enough for you? What the hell, Joorin!” Sehun yelled and pushed your hand off his cheek. You pulled your hand back and stepped backwards. Sehun stood there, all still, trying to control his feelings.
He looked up at you, eyes red and watery,
“I’ll make sure to keep my distance” he said and smiled halfhearted.
You didn’t know how to feel. It was like there was a huge empty hole in your chest. It gradually made you weaker and emptier.

He slowly turned around and walked away. You believed it was easier for him to leave than anything. It was for both of you.
You left the hallway as well.

Suzy & Amber tried countless times to make you tell them what happened, but you were too weak. Pale and silent. Indifferent.
Too weak to speak of Sehun.

“Am I not good enough for you?”

That was the words he had spoken. They kept flying around in your mind. You felt both guilty and torn at the same time.
Just the thought of how he must’ve felt, broke you down. You would do anything just to make him smile again. You realized how desperate you were. You had never wanted to do something for another human so badly before.

It turned afternoon and the other students went home. You had your first private math lesson with Sehun today, so you stayed. You wondered if he even would show up after what happened earlier.
You sat down in your seat, waiting for a sign.

5 minutes. 8 minutes. 15 minutes. 25 minutes. 30 minutes.

“He’s not coming.” You told yourself and started packing your things together.
“Stop waiting for someone who’s not going to show up” you stated for yourself. You were just about to leave the classroom, when he appeared in the door opening.

“Stay”

You froze, recognizing his voice. Footsteps were coming closer to you.
Suddenly, you were embraced by his arms. You forced your eyes not to look at him, even if it was hard.
And you just stood there, not doing anything at all. It lasted for a couple minutes. Only the sound of his heartbeat kept you alive, as you almost pretended to be dead. It wasn’t much pretending though – you were already so empty inside that you didn’t have to pretend to be half dead.

Finally, he let go of you and grabbed your shoulders tightly instead. You still forced your eyes not to look at his face, but when he carefully touched your chin and slowly lifted your head up, you couldn’t help looking into his dark brown eyes. He opened his mouth as if he would say something, but nothing came out. It was unbearable for you to see him like this, and you didn’t hesitate to place your hands on his chest. And then he suddenly spoke.
“I don’t care if I’m not your type. I don’t care if I’m not good enough for you. I need you in my life.” He confessed. You felt your hands trembling as they sled down his chest.

“I know” was all you could say. You knew how he felt. In some way, you had always known. Sehun held on tightly and pulled you closer, into another hug.

“This is not the end of me or you,” he said, as he lied his chin on top of your head. You smiled inwardly and softly responded him,

“This is the beginning of you and I”

*****

Your extra mathematic lessons turned out to be pretty good. Every 3 times in the week, you had almost 2 hours alone with Sehun. Most times you would just stare at his beautiful profile, when he wrote something on the blackboard.
Then he would ask you if you had understood what he had taught you, and you would be out of words, because you’d have no idea.
You’d laugh together.
Look into his deep eyes.
Look away.

He’d ask if you needed help – you’d answer, “yes”.
You’d feel his hot breath on your neck, snuggling, as he helps you with the equation.
You can’t even concentrate on the subject anymore.

Gradually you became better in the hard subject. You & Sehun had a test in the end of every week, as a part of your private lessons. Your score had topped. Sehun brought you to the local market and you bought all sorts of food. The same night, he brought you to his place, and you cooked the stuff you bought earlier together. Your parents and his mom were so happy for you. Finally, you could see what you had been missing out on.

It became summer, and it was time for your final exams in mathematics. You had been training for this moment in a long time now, you couldn’t fail Sehun now.
And you didn’t.

“What! 95% full marks?!” Amber & Suzy screamed and you with them. You danced happily around and laughed.
“Yes! I never thought it would be possible for someone like me!” you chirped and squinted your eyes in unlimited happiness. You also told Sehun about your high marks in the exam, and he had been almost just as excited as Suzy and Amber.

But let’s not drown this moment in happiness.

You all knew you didn’t have much time left in Seoul. In just a couple days, you’d be moving to the U.S.A for a year. Sehun knew this.

But still, on the day you were telling your friends and family goodbye in the airport, he wasn’t there. You insisted on waiting for him, hoping he’d show up in the last minute.
But he didn’t. Sehun didn’t show up. You were leaving for a whole year, and he didn’t even manage to show up and say goodbye. Not even texting you or giving you a call.
You felt the hole in your chest from before growing once more, making you weak and empty again. You couldn’t understand him, nor his thoughts or actions.
You left the airport, went on the plane and found your seat. You instantly locked the noise out and were overwhelmed by the silence. The loneliness.
You could barely breathe. Now there was only you & the loneliness. But it couldn’t replace his presence. Nothing, nor no one could ever replace it.

You knew this would be a hard year, enduring the pain of his missing presence. It would be pale and indifferent, painful and long. It would be a year with many spilling tears.

From a heart that had been ripped into pieces.

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!^^ It took me some time to write it, so I hope you aren't disappointed :) Enough drama? HAHAH<33 Oh God I love this story :')
No, I am not being selfish, I'm just confident and proud of what I've created^^ Right, I hope I'll find time soon to update some more, I'd love to see your reaction to THIS chapter AND to the next one I'm going to update asap ;) Please comment your opinion! :*