Night seemed to have passed by so quickly, so rapidly that it was hard to believe that morning had arrived already. Sleeping hadn’t felt that calm in a while, the past few weeks had been somehow stressing and worrying, everything that had been going on was just making me feel tired, worried, but right now, right now sleeping seemed to be making my worries go away.

Perhaps it was because I was near her, just for a little while, but it was just the two of us, even if it didn’t mean anything for her, it was just the two of us, and there was nothing better than that.

The floor was hard though—wait, the floor?

How did I end up sleeping on the floor? Did I fall off the sofa while I was sleeping? I was a bit sleepy still, but the sound of the clock was telling me to wake up, and the sunlight was already making its way inside her flat. Wait a second, I was sleeping on her flat?

The realization suddenly hit me and I remembered that I had slept over at her place, but I couldn’t remember where exactly I fell asleep. What took me off guard though was a sudden sweet aroma that filled the air, it was so close, it was surrounding and intoxicating me, as though it was telling me not to open my eyes, not to move an inch away, not to say anything because I might fully wake up and find out that everything’s nothing but a dream. That all of what happened was just a mere dream.

But the clock was ringing one more time, what time was it already? The 5th? The 6th time? What time was it?

“I…” I could hear a faint voice saying, but it was unbelievably close to me. So close that I could have sworn the distance between the sound of that voice and me was almost non-existent. My mind must have been playing tricks on me though, because the sound of that voice sounded like hers, it sounded exactly like hers. Maybe it was just me wishing for it to be her, maybe it was just me wishing for her to be that close.

The clock ringed for a 7th time, the feeling of waking up already started invading me, the sleepiness was fading away yet I didn’t want to open my eyes but I knew I had to, I slowly opened my eyes and what I had in front of me made me open my eyes wide, I wasn’t hallucinating, she was resting her head on my chest as though we had both fallen sleep like that, the sweet aroma from before had been her, her hair, she herself.

“How” I said in my mind, still not understanding what was going on, still not knowing how to react, my mind was blank at the moment, I could only blink and just try to not say a thing, perhaps she was still asleep, but what would I do if she was going to wake up at any moment? What would I say if she shouted at me when she woke up? I didn’t even know why or how we ended up like this. My arms were around her, I wanted to let her go, but I couldn’t, I didn’t want to hold her tighter, but I did. I had no words to say at that moment, and I didn’t say anything.

The clock marked finally 8th, I could only glance at her from above, but right at that moment, I knew she had woken up, her head started moving and she slowly looked up, her eyes meeting mine from close. The words I could have said at that moment remained untold in that moment of confusion.

“M-Min…” she stuttered. Her eyes looking at mine in a state of disbelief, probably in the same state I was. Probably feeling as confused as I was, but she wasn’t completely feeling like me, how could she? I had the girl I had been in love with for years in my arms in that moment, I had her so close to me, but for her, she had her best friend holding her close to him and that was the difference. Friendship against love. Friendship on her side, love confusing me on mine.

Her face was so close to mine, her eyes were staring directly into mine, if I moved even a bit, if I took advantage of that small gap separating us right now, if I only moved slightly forward our lips would touch, and that, even if I wanted that to happen, that would only result in the end of our friendship because the secret I had been protecting all this time would be revealed and would make us fall apart.

I could only look at her without saying a thing. It was just so sudden, but it was a reflex on my part, I looked from her eyes to her lips, still trying to grasp onto the last moment of strength I had, before letting my weak side show up, before messing everything up.

She slowly clutched my shirt and imitated my actions. I didn’t know if it was just a reflex, I didn’t know what she was thinking right at that moment. How can you be so pretty? Do you know that by doing this you are making my heart race? Don’t make me lose the last bits of consciousness I have, just let me grasp them tighter, before I do something I might regret.

Just when I was about to finally say something, the doorbell rang. It startled us both, it made us both blink. Who could show up just now? Was it good to be interrupted? Should I thank the person who was outside the door because that person had saved me from destroying my friendship just now?

We both gazed at the door at the same time, still not moving from the spot we were in. We weren’t saying anything, but the doorbell rang for a second time, right at that moment we both looked at each other and reality the two of us; that dream-like moment was soon going to be over the moment we both let go of each other.

“M-Mianhe…” I said as I tried looking elsewhere, nervous about the person outside.

“Oppa I…” she said but was cut off when the doorbell rang again. It was the third time. We both looked at each other as though we were asking us what to do. She quickly sat up and I did the same, the two of us were sitting on the floor in that awkward atmosphere.

I love you I opened my eyes wide when I realized how I had confessed to her when she was sleeping. Crap. Why did I do that? I love you. It resonated in my head so loudly, my own words were torturing me at that moment in which we were looking at each other not knowing what to say.

I tried to shake that feeling away, “The door…someone is…outside…” I slowly said as I stood up and offered her my hand to help her stand up. Her eyes grew wide when I did so and she rapidly stood up by herself and rushed towards the door, stumbling upon the furniture along her way. My hand left stretched out, this was the first time she hadn’t taken my hand when I had offered it to her. It was somehow bittersweet not to feel the touch of her hand in mine. But I could understand the situation, she was just as nervous as I was because of everything that was going on.

I walked up to her and just like her I froze on the spot when I saw who it was.

“It’s Jonghyun…” she mentioned, her skin went pale when she saw him. I wasn’t sure why this was happening but I was worried, worried about what Jonghyun would think if he found me here. After all, I hadn’t slept at the dorm, it’s not like I could say that I had woke up early and then decided to come and pay a visit.

Jonghyun was definitely not going to take this lightly, he could misunderstand what was going on, I had slept over at his ex’s apartment, I had slept over at the place of the girl he was in love with, on top of that, I had slept with the girl he loved…in my arms. She had slept in my arms. The same girl my friend liked, the same girl I loved.

She turned to look at me, her expression a worried one, “What do we do? Minhyuk-oppa, Jonghyun is outside, what are we going to do?” she asked me as she clung onto my arm almost unconsciously, us both in front of that door while Jonghyun was outside, waiting for her to open.

“I don’t know, Jonghyun might misunderstand this”

“Should I open?”

“No, not right now, let’s think about what to do first” I, in reality, didn’t want Jonghyun to think that I was betraying him or something, even if I was, even if I had betrayed him years ago by falling in love with her. She glanced at her hall suddenly.

“Oppa…” she slowly said, “My room, why don’t you wait inside until he leaves?” why did we have to act as though we had been doing something wrong though? Why did we have to hide the fact that we had slept on the same place? But what would happen if we didn’t? Jonghyun and she were trying to get back together, it was only natural to her to react that way, to not want Jonghyun to see me; it was totally understandable.

And I didn’t want Jonghyun to see me either, if there was something I wanted right at that moment was to avoid having problems with Jonghyun, I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I didn’t want to hurt him, I didn’t want to damage our friendship, not that friendship that I had with him for years.

There was no other choice at the moment, so I replied with a nod and agreed with her, “Alright, sorry for causing you trouble”

“N-No, not at all” we both looked at each other before I turned around and we both rushed around her flat, “Please wait” she said as she closed the door to her bedroom, I could hear her steps running towards the door. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if I should sit and wait, or if I should walk around her room while waiting. I was preoccupied about how she was going to handle everything. She looked pretty nervous instead of calm and collected, but of course, I had made her gone through an uncomfortable situation, of course, I was to blame.

“Who is it?” I overheard her asking. So she was trying to play it cool and pretend she didn’t know who was outside.

“It’s Jonghyun, sorry did I wake you up?” I could hear his voice even from inside her room. His voice resonated in my ears, it made me feel guilty, it made me question even my friendship, how could I? Why was I doing that to my friend?

“No, not at all” she replied to him. I was hoping she wouldn’t be discovered soon.

“Um, can I come in?” I heard Jonghyun asking, so she hadn’t opened the door still, was she planning on talking to him from the other side of the door? I would find that suspicious if I was the one on the other side of the door, but then again, I was in no place to even think like that.

The sound of the door opening could be heard and their voices saying good morning to each other reached the room as well. Jonghyun asking her how she was doing and asking why she didn’t attend yesterday’s episode of Inkigayo was the next thing I heard. Inkigayo, of course, Jinae messed with their meeting at SBS when she stole her keys. Jinae, always damaging her, and she, not even noticing that Jinae was out to hurt her.

“You had fever?” Jonghyun asked, his voice filled with worry, “Why didn’t you call me? I could have come over and take care of you” he continued, when he said that, I felt a strange feeling inside, guilt? Guilt because I didn’t tell him that she was ill? Because I did everything by myself? And then, I realized how he could also be there for her, how probably she didn’t need me, even if for a moment I felt like she did when she asked me to stay, she had Jonghyun, and he would also rush for her.

My hand rested at the doorknob, I sighed, I wanted to see what was going on outside, the curiosity and anxiety was killing me inside. I slowly opened the door without making any sounds and tried to take a peek of what was happening at her living room, I was glad that her room was at the end of the hall so Jonghyun wouldn’t be able to see me. Jonghyun was luckily facing the door so he wouldn’t notice me unless he turned around instinctively.

“I’m sorry… I don’t want to be a bother and well… I was sure you were mad so—“ she was saying but he suddenly cut her off. He rapidly pulled her into a hug, my eyes grew big at the sight, right now, he was holding her close to him, holding her against his chest, just when some moments ago she was in my arms. It felt like something was piercing through my heart at that moment, and I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t be noticed, I wanted to close the door, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t stop seeing what was going on, I couldn’t stop myself from torturing me more.

“You should have called me! I would