I saw how Jinae and Jonghyun left SBS’ studio while me and Minhyuk were standing at the front door, they looked good together for a reason I couldn’t quite figure out, but they looked good together, Jonghyun was so good-looking and Jinae was so pretty, just like a doll, I thought at that time that maybe it could have been better if they had dated instead of me and Jonghyun.

However, back when I was in High School I didn’t think about that, I was only thinking of being happy with Jonghyun back then and I was so in love with him that I would have been out of my mind to even consider that him and Jinae could be an item. Also, I always had this idea that Jinae had a crush on Minhyuk so I didn’t get to think about her being with Jonghyun at all, but right at that moment when they were walking off, the sight of them walking off together, it just seemed like they were right for each other. I don’t know why, but everything felt that way.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I didn’t feel anything for Jonghyun, I was just very confused at that time, and after all, he had put my life upside down in just a matter of what? Two weeks or so? Maybe a little more? I was just confused regarding my own feelings; I didn’t know how to feel. Should I feel jealous? Should I feel threatened? But why? Didn’t Jinae like Minhyuk? There was nothing to worry about…right? I didn’t really like him that way again…right?

“Hey…” Minhyuk suddenly said, I quickly turned around feeling a little surprised.

“Oh, yeah let’s go, sorry for keeping you waiting I-“

“You shouldn’t have let them go together if you were going to be worried afterwards” he explained as he gazed towards the spot Jonghyun and Jinae were some time ago before leaving our sight, “I mean, you guys are seeing each other again, right? Aren’t you trying to make things work? Why would you let those two leave you behind with me?”

“Wait a second” I interrupted him as I turned to look directly into his eyes, “What are you saying?”

“You guys are trying to make it work again, why do you let Jinae have some time alone with Jonghyun?”

I took some steps back, taken aback by Minhyuk’s words.

“I… I’m sorry, I know that I shouldn’t have let Jinae go with Jonghyun, I’m sorry I didn’t see it as something to be worried about but…”

“But what?”

“I… I didn’t take you into consideration, I’m sorry, I know you might have wanted to spend some time alone with Jinae, after all you invited her over not me so letting her leave with Jonghyun might have ruined your plans, I’m very sorry Minhyuk-oppa, I didn’t take your feelings into considera—“

“Stop already” he interrupted as he brought a hand to his face in frustration. I blinked a few times, I was surprised that he made me shut up just like that, was I being too nosy in his matters?

“I’m sorry…” I whispered as I looked down to the floor, holding my bag tight.

“Things aren’t like that, so please stop”

“I’m sorry…Minhyuk-oppa, I just ruined your day”

He shook his head and let out a frustration sigh, I was making him mad, it was a weird sight, but of course, who wouldn’t be mad when you end up ruining their day with their crush?

“I was telling you all of that because I’m worried about you—Jonghyun and you are trying to get together again and then Jinae just comes and ruins everything!” he yelled.

“W-w-whoa wait a second” I interrupted “What are you saying? That’s wrong I’m not doing anything of that! …And Jinae isn’t ruining a thing”

Minhyuk raised his voice a little, “You aren’t? C’mon you guys kissed at your flat; then go out alone together, then he invites you over to Inkigayo’s recording and then says that he was planning to drive you home and you tell me that nothing’s going on? What? Do you think I’m that slow to realize? Why are you hiding it? I thought you trusted me enough to be honest with me”

My eyes opened wide in shock “What’s wrong with you? Why are you raising your voice at me? What did I do to you? Is it about Jinae? Is it about me letting Jonghyun being with Jinae alone? “ I asked, when I did that he looked elsewhere, “Well I’m sorry for that, I’ll keep Jonghyun in check then, he won’t try anything with Jinae, after all, that day we went out we kissed again and he asked me for another chance, do you think he would try something with Jinae after that? Who do you think he is?”

He just stood there looking at me dumbfounded, “O-Oppa…”

There was no answer coming from him though, he just looked at me without saying a single word, it was like he had frozen in that spot, he blinked a few times, still not saying anything.

“Oppa, please say something, oh my God I shouldn’t have shouted like that I—“

“It’s not even about Jinae!” he finally spoke.

“Minhyuk-oppa…?” He walked down the stairs and towards the street; I tried following him as I shouted at him “Minhyuk-oppa! Oppa wait! I’m sorry, oppa!” I tried keeping up his pace but it was the first time that I had got to see him like that, noticeably annoyed at me, it was something that I had said of course, but I didn’t know what exactly had annoyed him like that.

“Minhyuk-oppa! Yah!” He finally stopped walking, he seemed to be breathing fast, I tried getting close but he spoke before I could even get near.

“Please, leave me alone for a while…”

“Minhyuk-oppa…”

“I might say things I’ll regret later, please leave me alone for a while” he turned around, the sound of his voice was shaky, it worried me seeing him like that.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong” I pleaded as I took a step forward.

“Sorry, I can’t take you home like this…” he sighed, I saw his hand turning into a fist but he quickly recomposed himself. He took some steps forward, trying not to get too close, his hands rested on my shoulders while he looked at me from above, “I hope you can understand, I need some time alone” Some time…alone, it was the first time I had heard Minhyuk saying something like that to me, he had never been so mad at me.

“It’s alright, I can head back alone…” I quickly bowed to him and ran off, he didn’t even tell me to stop, he didn’t even say my name as I left--he just stood there without saying a word. I, somehow, felt like my heart was sinking. I didn’t know why Minhyuk was acting like that, but it hurt, it hurt and I couldn’t understand why. But I was to blame… after all; my ex was with the girl Minhyuk liked and I had let them be alone, Minhyuk was right to be mad at me.

When I was far enough I took a taxi and headed towards my flat, still feeling uneasy due to everything that had went on.  I didn’t know how long it would take for Minhyuk to be back to normal again, but I knew that it was only right for me to stay away from CNBlue for a while.

Why was I so mad? I got some time alone with her since Jinae took Jonghyun with her, why couldn’t I just feel happy about that? Was it my mind telling me that this wasn’t the way to go? Was I doing something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Was it wrong to give Jinae those backstage passes and not stopping her from going away with Jonghyun?

I felt guilty, I knew nothing was going to happen, after all Jonghyun never liked Jinae in that way, he wouldn’t just start liking her out of the blue just because they went to talk somewhere. But it didn’t feel good; this didn’t feel good at all. I knew that Jinae had used me to get close to Jonghyun, well more like she had blackmailed into helping her out.

But…Jonghyun didn’t like Jinae, he liked her… I liked her. This was wrong, starting from there, I was never going to help Jinae again, no matter what she said—I had nothing to hide. But what was this?…remorse? Was it that? I didn’t know the reason but once I asked her whether she was ok with Jonghyun and Jinae leaving together or not… from that moment onwards, it all ended up in us shouting at each other.

I had never shouted at her, I didn’t know why I was doing so at that moment. But every time she said that I liked Jinae and that she had ruined my day together with her…every time she said that I… I felt like telling her tha