I woke up, suddenly looking around me. I was in my room. What I last remember was running away from Hyungsoo and then seeing Infinite before getting pulled away and fainting.

I looked over the bed to the clock on the desk across the room. 7o'clock!

In the morning?

Had I been sleeping for a whole day. I thought to myself.

I tried to get up  from the warm bed that I had been in. With great difficulty, I managed to get my stiff legs out of the white sheets and sit up on the bed. I let out a painful groan as I stood up, pins and needles shot up my legs.

I bit my lip to keep me from grying out. And walked towards the door.

I cracked the door open a small bit to see if Hyungsoo was anywhere insight. I know It was childish but I was angry at him and didn't wish to see him at that very moment.

And I didn't he wasn't in the house. I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where a note was laying.

'I have gone to work Jongie, There is some food in the fridge if you want it. Please eat~ Sungjong I am so so so sorry- Hyungsoo'

I thought it was weird the way Hyungsoo had finished the small note. I was angry so very angry but I didn't hate him if that was what he thought. He was my hyung afterall my only family I had left.

I got the food out of the fridge and heated it up before eating another master piece cooked by Hyungsoo. Ofcourse I couldn't eat alot of it, before I was running to the bathroom to vomit it up.

Hyungsoo hadn't known about it but I had been getting sick more and more often after leaving Infinite. And my headaches had somewhat gotten worse but I had gotten used to them and was able to control my actions to hide the pain I was in.

This was really a great acting experience.

After trowing up my breakfast I moved to the computer and put on the Infinites' latest song. I had done it several times before not that I wished show a mit it. The music truned on I watched the screen. I followed the way the others in the video move. I listened to the music and moved my body. I felt the music that I was slowly losing my hearing to and moved my body to steady rythems of the beats.

Over and over I played the song and danced to it. I tried singing some of the song, but all I heard was my croaky voice this is what I always heard when I sang It was ugly and hard to listen too.

Even before I had stopped Infinite, even before the car crash I have hated my voice, my stupid croaky voice.

No one actually knew this is what I felt but it was. I didn't actually belong to Infinite even before everything that had happened.

My parents had said the same thing. 'Your not good enough!'

'Stupid kid! how could you make big as an idol?'

'Your not my son no more! You and your suposed talent means nothing to us!'

'I hope you fail...'

I stopped dancing after a while. My breathing was heavy, my body felt slow.

I slumped against the couch I felt sad and alone. My hearing was fine right now but I felt like I was going to die. I felt so alone. So scared.

My parents were right I was a failure. I wasn't cut out to be an idol. I wasn't cut out to even live....

I wish I could of just died in that car crash Infinite would of been better off without me. Everyone would of been more happy If i had died.

I silently cried on the couch for hours thinking how much I wished I could die. All the tears that spilled made me tired and I fell into a rough sleep.

Nightmares plagued my mind. Of infinite blaming everything on me. Of my parents laughing on my grave.

I woke up suddenly to a knock on the door. Maybe Hyungsoo had forgotten his keys. I walked to the front door. My body felt sluggish and tired and I was sad and my body was shaking.

I opened the door. Then I instantly closed it.

"Open up Sungjongie... Please~" This can't be happening. They were suposed to be gone.

"Sungjong! Open the door" The other voice said. Only two of them were behind the door.

"N-no..." I croaked out.

"Pl-ease G-go away" I begged. sliding down to the floor.

I heard mummbling behind the door then the shuffling of clothes.

Music started to play, it was the same music that was once in my ipod that I had diposed of.

I ripped the door open when I heard my voice.

"STOP!" I  screamed at them making to grab for the ipod but missing after they moved it away from me. I fell forward from the sudden motion expecting the floor I landed in the arms of my greatest life source.

I cried and struggled but the arms around me were firmed and warm. His fingers ran through my hair, and he whispered soothing mords into my ears.

"We missed you so much, Sungjong"

I was still crying. The boys made a move into the house.

I knew we were moving but I was too tired to care. I only looked up when I felt me being pulled down to the couch with the others.

"Hyung~" I whined sadly "I've missed you so much..."

"So have we" The voice said

"I just feel so sad. I wish I could of just died, why didn't I die!" I cried trashing around again.

"Sung....Sungjong!" The two of them yelled. They grabbed my arms and stop me from moving around.

"Stop!"

It took them another 10 minutes to clam Me from the breakdown I was having.

I felt like I was going to pass out. I was that tired.

I never had these thoughts so clear in my head. I mean yeah these thoughts had been there right at the back . But who didn't ever have these thoughts at least once in there life this just seemed to be my breaking point.

"Whhy aarre yoou hheeerahhh?" I mumbled it was a little incohearent because my face was pushed into the chest on my comforter.

"I told them I wanted to stay behind to visit family... and that I was going to introduce my boyfriend to them." I looked up through my stinging red blotchy eyes and sniffed.

"T-then why are you here?" I questioned

"Because you are my family"

"Your our family Sungjong and we love you so much"

"I m-missed you too....U-u-umma...."

The arms around me started to quiver as I said that.

I looked up and saw him crying.

"H-hoya?" I said confused did he not like it. Did he hate being called Umma.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to... "I appologized

I kept of saying sorry until I felt both Hoya and Dongwoo crush me in hugs and soft kisses of the head and cheek.

I felt happy, but I also felt the clench of my heart as I realized this would soon have to end.

Then something popped up into my head.

"How did you find out I was here?"

"Oh... your friend Hyungsoo was getting worried since you wouldn't wake up even after the whole day, and since he had to go to work and he was desperate he told us."

I nodded so that was why he said sorry so much in his note. I will need to remeber to make him dinner tonight.

"Of course we were bugging him so much" Dongwoo put his two cents in. His eyes seemed so lively again when he was sitting next to me.

"Ah!....D-do the O-others know?" I was worried what if they came here I wouldn't be able to handle them all here, seeing the hurt in Woohyuns face, the loenliness in Sungyeols, the hate In Sunggyu's and the look of betrayal in Myunsoo. I would cry myself into a coma.

"No. I thought it best that only me and Dongwoo come at first. They know nothing about me having your phone number or that we are at your house."

I nodded softly and laid my head onto Hoya's chest, I let out a small yawn and fell asleep in the protecting arms that I was running away from.

Just for a little while I will be selfish just for a little while.

I will let go soon. Soon they will be able to forget me.....