I woke up in the arms of Bom, Minzy, and Chaerin. 

I looked down and smiled at them grateful for always being there for me when I need them the most. I gently move out of all their arms as I gather all my stuff. 

I was almost to the door when Bom wakes up and sees me. She walks toward me with a serious expression.

"Dara we should talk more."

"Can we do it some other time Bom. I need to go home and wash up."

"You can wash up here."

I didn't want to tell her that I just wanted to leave and be alone for awhile. Everyone always gets scared leaving me by myself. I know that they all did that because they care, but it gets suffocating. 

"Bom I just need to go home. I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later."

She grabs me by the arm and looks at me pleading to stay.

"Mianhae Bom..."

I pulled my arm away and walked out the door. 

As I walked down the stairs from the apartment I saw a little girl with both of her parents.

I look away disgusted and jealous at the same time. I distanced myself from them as I walked to my car, but when I reached my car I felt someone tugging my shirt.

I looked down and saw the little girl looking up at me with a smile on her face. She held a rose and handed it to me.

"Unnie don't be sad. Turn that frown upside down."

Tears started to fall as I grabbed the rose from her small little hands.

"Kamsahamnida.."

I kneeled in front of her and gave her my most sincere smile. She wipes my tears away as she kept on smiling at me.

"Unnie is prettier when she is smiling."

She giggles as I pat her on the head and gave her the doll that my dad gave me when I was young.

"Here you have this. Take care of her well. Arasso?"

"Nehhh."

"Her name is Tamtam."

"Gomawo unnie!"

After hugging Tamtam close to her she gives me a hug and walks back to her parents who were watching the whole thing. They looked at me and smiled. They also mouthed 'Thank You' as they walked away all holding hands.

I went inside my car and once more cried. I hate myself right now. It seems that all I've been doing lately is crying. I should stop crying for it wont change anything.

From this moment on I won't cry and just look forward. 

You got this Dara. You are strong.

I mentally told myself as I drove back to my apartment.

I finally reached my apartment and saw to men in front of it. I immediately cursed myself for wanting to come back home. 

Right there in front of my door was no other than Youngbae and my dad. 

My dad turns around to see me and smiles. 

He walks toward me saying something. "Dara we've been..."

But I didn't let him finish as I just walked pass him ignoring his presence.

After doing that Youngbae walks up to me blocking the path.

"Dara stop being stubborn and talk to your dad."

I scoffed at him as I squeezed pass him and went towards my door.

Before I could turn the knob I feel Youngbae's hand grabbing the knob preventing me from turning it.

"Can you just stop. Why are you acting like this towards your dad and me?!"

He screams irritated at how I was acting.

I laughed out loud which catches him off guard and lets go of the door knob.

I open the door at look directly at him.

"Want to talk? Fine. Come in."

I said as coldly and expressionless as I could. They were stuck in their spots for a few minutes until I finally said.

"You are either coming in or not. I'm not going to wait."

They both rushed in and I closed the door behind them. 

I heated up some water and made tea for them. I sat across from both of them and waited for them to talk. 

I knew for sure I wasn't going to be the first one to talk. After a few minutes of awkward silence Youngbae finally speaks.

"Dara don't you have anything to say to your dad? You finally see him again."

I laugh again and just looked right at my so called dad.

"What dad?"

I see him flinch and composes himself again.

"Baby girl I'm sorry for leaving you, but I did tell you I was coming back. I'm here now."

"I'm no one's baby girl. And the man that left me and my family 10 years ago is dead."

Youngbae slaps his hands on the table and stands up.

"Dara that is NO way to talk about your dad like that!"

"You would have NO IDEA what I went through."

"What do you mean I have no idea? Try me."

"From what I know you still have both of your loving parents. A happy rich loving family. So you still think you get where I'm coming from?"

Youngbae looks at me in shock and stayed standing too heated to sit back down.

"It's okay Bae. Sit back down. I knew she was going to be like this."

I glare at my 'dad' as he called Youngbae by the nickname I gave him. 

And to add to it Youngbae really listened to him. My body got hotter by the minute as rage was boling inside me. 

Out off all people why the hell is Youngbae taking that man's side. He saw how my life fell into pieces, but here he is now backing up the one person who caused it all.

"Me being like this? Really. Don't you think I have a right to be like this!"

I finally snapped and they both slightly jumped from their seats at my sudden scream.

"You left our family TEN YEARS AGO. We went through hell. And you think that you can just come back into MY life as if nothing has happened. YOU!"

I get up from my seat and came closer to my 'dad'. Our faces were only inches apart.

"Look at this face clearly. This is the face of a girl who has no dad. The face of a girl whose dad abandoned her and her family. The face of a girl that had to take care of her family at just the age of eleven. The face of a girl who is dead inside. THIS IS MY FACE APPA!"

Even though I said that I wouldn't cry anymore the tears just came out. My 'dad' just looks at me and covers his face and he starts to cry also.

I couldn't stand being there anymore so I took their cups and went to my kitchen to put them in the sink. As I was in my kitchen Youngbae comes up behind me and gives me a hug.

I quickly turn around and push him away.

"How could you?" I said through gritted teeth. "You should have known better."

"Dara you told me how much you wanted to see your dad again. And now you finally got your chance."

"I also told you how much I hated my dad and wanted him dead. Will I get that chance also?"

He flinches and stands in front of me awkwardly not knowing what to say next. I wipe my tears away and look at my 'dad' again as I spoke to Youngbae.

"I can never forgive him."

"Yes you can. You are stronger than that."

I couldn't stand it anymore. 

"Why are you taking his side? WHAT IS HE TO YOU!?!"

He sighs and looks away.

"You don't need to know."

I force him to turn around and look at me.

"I don't need to know? Really? YOU ARE MY BESTFRIEND!"

After I yelled that he finally grabs my shoulder and glares at me.

"You really want to know. Fine I'll tell you. HE'S JIEUN'S DAD!"

I fell back and covered my ears. I didn't want to hear anymore.

"There now you know. Why I'm helping and why I'm taking his side."

I shook my head as he kept on talking. I didn't even realise that my 'dad' was also there standing.

I look up at the man filled with anger.

"How? Don't you mean stepdad..."

"No baby girl. I'm sorry. I'm her real dad."

"But that means..."

"Yes...I didn't mean to, but I got drunk at a company party and before I knew it she told me that she was pregnant the same time your mom was pregnant with Sanghyun."

I slammed my fist to the ground and got up to slap him across the face.

"Get the out of my house."

"Baby girl please let me explain."

"You left our family for that and your bastard child."

"Dara don't say that!" Youngbae yells at me when I said that his fiance is a bastard.

"What it's true. She was born while her parents weren't married."

"Baby girl...she isn't a bastard....anymore."

"Of course..you would marry that . Chose them over us."

"I didn't choose anyone!"

"Yes you did. You chose the moment you walked out that door and never came back."

Youngbae slaps me across the face and I look at him.

"Dara stop it. You have no right to say that about Jieun's family or your dad. You don't know what they went through."

"Bae don't hit her."

I put my head down as I gave up. I lost everything. I cried one last time and looked at them.

"I give up."

I smile at them as the tears fell down my eyes. I said nothing more as I just looked at them.

"You guys win."

"Dara.."

"Baby girl.."

They look at me with worried eyes. 

"Dara what do you mean by give up?"

"You heard right Youngbae. I give up. You won. I'll take back my dad. That's what you guys wanted right. To forgive and forget."

I choked on my words, but was able to let it out. It felt like there was a huge lump in my throat as I spoke.

"Baby girl thank..you."

My dad goes to me and gives me a hug. I never returned the hug back as I looked at Youngbae. I gave up on my life. And I'm pretty sure he saw it. He saw the life once again taken from my eyes. 

"Thanks for understanding Dara."

It was Youngbae's turn to give me a hug, but it was cold. I no longer felt comfort and love. All I felt was betrayal and hurt.

"I think you guys should go now I have to get ready for school."

"Ahh yeah me too. I forgot that we are still both in college."

"Baby girl let's have dinner together. You me and Jieun."

I tried to think of an excuse to get out of the dinner so I finally said. 

"Sorry, but I already made plans with Bom."

He looks down and just smiles at me. 

"It's okay baby girl. Maybe next time."

"Annyeong Dara."

"Bye baby girl."

"Bye."

When they finally left I felt so lost. I walked to my room and got ready. I had all my books and other things ready. 

Before I left for school I washed the dishes. As I washed the dishes I accidently cut my finger with a knife.

​I stared at the blood flowing down from my finger and thought to myself that it felt good. And before I knew it I took the knife and started cutting my wrists.

I just slumped down on the floor as I watched the blood flowing out of my arm. 

I stared into nothingness and finally closed my eyes.

I want to

disappear....